JLo’s Birthday Celebrations Will Never End

Last night in NYC, JLo had herself another 40th birthday party. Only this was supposedly a “surprise” party Skeletor put together. Nalgas, please! Where the hell did JLo think she was going when she put on that Cleopatra dress she snatched from a drag queen and that braided hair bowl that belongs in a Cinnabon counter? You know she planned that whole thing from top to bottom. I mean, only JLo’s mess ass would come up with the name “An Evening For Lola.” That is a wreck. And if JLo thinks we’re going to start calling her ass “Lola,” then she needs more people. Preferably people with prescription pads and straitjackets.

JLo tried to act all shocked when the car pulled up in front of the theater, but come on…. Bitch couldn’t even pull of a natural “surprised” look when an anaconda was trying to bite her ass! She should’ve studied the look on her twins faces whenever she makes a monthly visit to their nursery. Now that’s a real surprised look. I need to stop. It’s JLo’s birthday. So Happy Birthday, Jlo…A-FUCKING-GAIN (this is going to be a daily thing, right?)

Here’s some more pictures from last night of the every day birthday girl, Skeletor and her guests including Leah Remini (ugh), Lizaaaaaa and Ricky Martin.

Santo Dios!

Ricky Martin hasn’t been shimmying his glitter maker in the spotlight for a while, because he’s been too busy raising his matching twin babeh boys. But Ricky took some time out from mopping up baby barf to speak (EXCLUSIVO!) to Spanish-language magazine TV Aqui about stuff.

The magazine didn’t come out and ask Ricky if likes sausage in his butt taco, but they did ask if anybody had his heart at the moment. Ricky said that his “his heart could belong to a woman or a man.”

Yeah, this is Gayken and Glamberace shocking. I just hope that if Ricky Martin ever decides to officially “come out” on the cover of a magazine, he does it on a Spanish-language one. I can already envision the really hot words they would use on the cover: ESCANDALO! EXCLUSIVO! LA VERGA! I will get that headline tattooed on my ass cheek.

VIA Queerty

Ricky Martin & His Twinsies

This is just too precious. It’s only missing Liberace serenading them on a rainbow while baby pink dolphins dance in the waters below. (UPDATE: Thanks to LunaChick for making my dream come true by creating the magical picture above based on my description!)

This almost makes me want to beg Mah Boo Anderson Cooper to buy me a few ovaries, so that I can give birth to my own twins. But then I’d have to carry them around like that and I don’t think I’m comfortable with this. I don’t even think I’m comfortable with carrying them at all. My arms are too fragile for that. I’m good at holding a martini, not a baby.

The little spicy gay tamale known as Ricky Martin poses with his twin boys for People Magazine. Valentino and Matteo were born 4-months ago with the help of a surrogate’s baby oven. Ricky is living in Puerto Rico, spending most of his days taking care of V and M without the help of a nanny. But his “personal assistant” is helping him out. In the celebwhore world, personal assistant is code for salad tosser.

Ricky was also asked why he chose to use a surrogate: “Adoption was one option, but it’s complicated and can take a long time. Surrogacy was an intriguing and faster option. I thought, ‘I’m going to jump into this with no fear.’”

Ricky said all of this while peeking his head out of the closet door. I kid! Personally, I don’t give an eff about bitches not declaring their gayness. That might make me a bad gay, but it’s just how I’ve always felt. Ricky’s not touching my bits, so I don’t care. Besides, we all already know.

Below is Ricky and his twinsies on the cover of People en Espanol. His little twins need to be wearing ill-fitting suits from Men’s Warehouse and they would look exactly like grouchy accountants. I bet they are already kick ass at ten-key.

VIA LatinGossip

(Thanks kdracofan)