Finally, at long last, after weeks of suffering at the hands of THe AuTHoriTIEs, tennis star Novak Djokovic has been given leave to speak his mind! And as it turns out, as he detailed in an interview with BCC News, Novak is NOT an anti-vaxxer, despite it being so tantalizingly right there in his name. Nope. He didn’t risk being unable to use his phone for several hours during the “very, very hard” time he spent in detention after arriving in Melbourne to play in the Australian Open last month which ultimately led to his deportation. Novak says he “should not be associated with the anti-vax movement,” rather he refused to get vaccinated against COVID-19 “because the principles of decision making on my body are more important than any title or anything else,” which presumably also includes children, the elderly, and anybody else who is particularly vulnerable to the disease. So no, he’s not a loser. He’s a Goddamn hero. A hero who is willing to sacrifice Wimbledon, The French Open, and any unvaccinated rugrats who get in his way.
And it’s fitting that this happened on the Holy Day of Sunday because as we all know, Novak Djokovic is the Jesus of our time. Although, Jesus is probably looking down from Heaven like, “That’s a wrong comparison because even I wasn’t crucified this bad!”
The back-and-forth between Novak Djokovic and the Australian government over whether he can stay and play in the Australian Open is finally over. CNN reports that a federal court shit on Novak’s appeal today and upheld the decision to cancel his visa over his COVID-19 vaccination status. Novak could’ve dragged this messiness out even more by appealing to Australia’s top court, but he was running out of time since he was due to play in the Australian Open on Monday night. So he took the loss and left Australia. Surprisingly, he wasn’t carried through the airport on a cross.
Well, Jesus’ lawyers better prepare for a defamation lawsuit, because Novak Djokovic‘s father will probably write another delusional letter where he compares his entitled whine-fest to the crucifixion of God’s son. 34-year-old Novak arrived in Melbourne on January 4 for the Australian Open, but he got detained and had his travel visa revoked after officials looked at his medical exemption from the COVID-19 vaccine and decided he did not “meet entry requirements.” Novak appealed that decision and on January 10, a judge reinstated his visa and he was released from immigration detention. But then Novak admitted that he had tested positive for Coronavirus (for the second time) the last month and broke quarantine rules by doing an interview. Novak also lied to Australian authorities about his positive COVID test. And now an immigration minister has revoked his visa again and he’s facing deportation to Serbia. But the #1 men’s tennis player is appealing again.
Novak Djokovic remains the undefeated current reigning champion, at least when it comes to the outright refusal of COVID vaccinations. But I guess you could say he’s also a two-time winner of watching the consequences of his actions bite him in the ass. Two years ago, Novak (or should I say NoVax) revealed that there was no way his bare arm was going to get anywhere near a vaccination needle when it comes to COVID protection. Then about sixteen seconds later, he and his wife Jelena Ristić had tested positive for COVID. Obviously, they were some of the lucky ones, and they both pulled through. However, they clearly didn’t get a high enough dose of a survivor’s reality check, because they hung on tight to that anti-vaccination energy. Well, Novak isn’t just a prolific anti-vaxxer, he’s also a tennis player. And he was scheduled to play in the Australian Open, which begins next Monday. He was all ready to enter the land down under and hit some balls, but Australia had other plans. Unvaccinated Novak was turned away upon arrival.
Novak Djokovic recently outed himself as the Jenny McCarthy of tennis by explaining that he would not want to take a coronavirus vaccine if one were released saying, “personally I am opposed to vaccination.” So you’ll never guess what happened to a man who thinks like that about medicines meant to prevent life-altering illness. He caught coronavirus. And not only did he catch coronavirus, he caught it at a huge tennis tournament which he helped organize and was meant to raise money for coronavirus relief. Wow, Novak is as good at tennis as he is at catching COVID-19. It’s a coronavirus Grand Slam!