About a month ago, the country group Lady Antebellum announced that they were erasing the “ntebellum” in their name because of its association with slavery and would go by Lady A from now on. A quick minute after they announced their name change, Anita White, a blues singer from Seattle, let them know that she’s been using the stage name of Lady A long before they yodeled out their first twangy musical note. Lady A1 (right) and Lady A2(left) got together in a Zoom call where they both made it clear that they’re not going to budge from using the Lady A name and they will hopefully find a way to co-exist. Well, that way will have to be determined through the court system because Lady A2 is suing Lady A1 for the right to trademark the “Lady A” name. So they went from wanting to show that they stand in solidarity with the Black community to suing a Black woman over the use of her name?! Did Lorne Michaels produce this story because this is a long-form Saturday Night Live parody sketch.
Transgender advocate of one Caitlyn Jenner must think the T in LGBTQ can also stand for trolling the community. Then again, that’s me assuming Caitlyn thinks, and you know what they say about assuming something. In this case though, the person making an ass of themselves is most definitely Caitlyn.
Everybody in Hollywood has probably closed their email accounts, burned their phones and laptops and have vowed to do all of their shit talking in the bathroom with the shower on or in a screening of an Adam Sandler movie since those are usually empty. Because the Sony Hack of 2014 (“Hey, that’s my official title!” – Adam Sandler) keeps producing more e-mail foolery. Last night, Buzzfeed posted an e-mail thread between Hollywood super villain Scott Rudin and the co-head of Sony Amy Pascal, and this time they’re not gnawing at each other’s throats over that Jobs movie nobody wants or committing the sin of sins by trashing St. Angie Jolie.
This time they’re joking about how President Obama must only like movies starring black people and how he must love that “greedy whore” Kevin Hart, because you know, he’s black. Dumb pieces of disgusting trash! That’s like saying that I only like gay movies, because I’m gay. (Cut to me saying, “bad example,” while throwing a cardigan over my DVD collection which includes Paris Is Burning, Priscilla, Bound, Hedwig, My Beautiful Launderette, The Wedding Banquet, Bad Education, Showgirls and He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special.)
I’ve looked at close to 1,000 pictures from last night’s Met Gala and I’m still having trouble identifying what in he hell the theme was supposed to be (so far I’ve narrowed it down to either Cheap & Tacky or A Tribute to Basic Bitches), but I do know that the theme was definitely not A Salute to The Sopranos, so can someone explain why Lea Michele showed up looking like one of the strippers from the Bada Bing on her way to Pauly Walnuts’s nephew’s Christening? Lea, those nails though – STAHP. The acrylic is so thick, it looks like your hand should be wrapped around a dick in the Champagne Room, while the other hand checks to make sure your Ardell Fashion Lashes aren’t falling off.
Or maybe this is Lea’s way of telling the producers on Glee that they can go ahead and officially send a basket of pink slips to Naya Rivera’s trailer, because she can do sexy all by herself. Except that she can’t, because she looks about as sexy as a hammerhead shark trying to hold in a painful hot sauce fart at Studio 54. Why do I get the feeling that she spent most of the night slinking up behind people and whispering: “Lookin’ for a good time? Just kidding! It’s me, beautiful Broadway and television superstar Lea Michele, but I bet you thought it was someone very sexy, right? I’m an incredibly versatile, talented actress. Here, allow me to demonstrate through song…”
And of all the sexy faces she practiced in the mirror before she left for the Met Gala, why did she go with ‘pill-drowsy MILF eye-fucking her son’s friends at his college graduation party’?
Not content to let Daft Punk be the only ones at the Grammy’s to work a tight PLEASE LOOK OVER HERE game, Pharrell Williams decided to show up to the Staples Centre last night looking like Run DMC fucking on a pile of Mounties at a discount Halloween superstore (he really nailed the part where the penis calls a time-out and lays sort of limply on top while it tries to catch its breath). Bravo to you, Pharrell; I would expect nothing less from a man who named his son Rocket Man.
And speaking of sad piles of meat, Arby’s saw something different when they saw Pharrell’s hat. Well, they still saw a penis, but a penis that looks like their logo:
No! He’s going to need to use that hat as a barf bucket in case he eats at Arby’s! I’m sorry, I’m being really rough on Arby’s today. I’m sure they’re a fine restaurant (referring to Arby’s as a ‘restaurant’ took courage) with one menu item and I’m sure it’s delicious and definitely doesn’t look like a bun filled with labias.
Here’s more of Dudley Do Wrong and wife Helen Lasichanh, who’s having that nightmare where you accidentally show up to an important event in your pajamas (but this time…IT’S NOT A NIGHTMARE! And cue the Twilight Zone music), as well as Daft Punk at their Daft Punkiest. Now, I’ll be honest – I can’t really tell Daft Punk apart (you bot-cist!) but I think the one on the left is the robot.
(Pics via Wenn)