Category: Mick Jagger
Mick Jagger Shows Ronnie Wood That His Jizz Has Still Got It Too
The next time The Rolling Stones do another big tour, the dressing rooms will be filled with more whining, slobbering and cries for a diaper change than usual. 69-year-old picked zombie Ronnie Wood welcomed a double bundle of baby into his life just a couple of months ago. And now, Mick Jagger’s 72-year-old baby-making parts are feeling real proud of themselves today, because they still got the stuff that can knock a trick up.
Mick Jagger Is The Latest “Really? Them?” To Join Taylor Swift’s Famous Friends Squad
It feels like forever since we’ve heard anything about Taylor Swift’s “Please welcome to the stage” posse (and by forever, I of course mean 0.3 seconds, which is 10 years in Taylor Swift attention-needing time). During a show in Nashville on Saturday night, Taylor made the dreams come true of all the dads who were dragged there by their 13-year-old daughters by please-welcome-to-the-stage’ing Mick Jagger. Mick crawled on stage to sing “Satisfaction“, which is totally Tay Tay’s favorite Britney song to sing into her hair brush. If you want to see what it would look like if someone accidentally changed the factory setting on a Gabbigale doll to “awkwardly sexy“, here you go:
Mick fucking brought it; he was wiggling around on stage like a hyperactive puggle who just heard someone say “cookies“. Tay Tay, on the other hand. Eesh. Taylor was like a quilt on pain killers. Girl, you have to match your partner’s energy!
Or maybe she is just so fucking over this shit, since her whole weekend was filled with welcoming new squad friends to the stage. Joining Mick on Saturday was Leona Lewis, who sang “Bleeding Love” with Tay Tay, and on Friday she brought out Alison Krauss, Kelsea Ballerini, and Steven Tyler, who sang “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.”
You know that immediately after seeing this picture, Tay Tay turned to her cat Meredith Grey and was like “Oh my god, she couldn’t even be bothered to brush her hair? Doesn’t she know who she was singing with? Demote her to 3rd tier girl squad status.“
L’Wren Scott’s Sister Slaps At Mick Jagger’s Peen For Moving On So Fast
When fashion designer L’Wren Scott committed suicide in March, some said she had the serious sads over her financial situation. But L’Wren Scott’s sister Jan Brambough tells The Mirror that her sister probably had the sads because she had to deal with Mick Jagger’s whore ass. When L’ Wren Scott died, the Rolling Stones pressed pause on their tour to give Mick time to mourn. Well, we all grieve in different ways and I guess Mick Jagger grieves by wiping jizz tears from his mourning penis on chocha after chocha. The Rolling Stones’ tour picked up again in Switzerland last week and the Mirror has pictures of Mick and a trick who looks like the aftermath of a Kristen Stewart and Carrie Ann Moss collision snuggling with him on the balcony of his hotel in Zurich. Jan Brambough is disgusted by the pictures and can’t believe that Mick Jagger is out there being Mick Jagger so soon after her sister’s death.
“And people wonder why L’Wren was so depressed? These pictures make me really wonder what Mick is really thinking and feeling. His daughter says that he is still heartbroken and so devastated about losing my sister. And then you see these photos – he will never change. Well at least my sister is happy now. She is with Mum and Dad in Heaven and not hurting in any way now. L’Wren was always at her happiest when she was with my mother and father. She never recovered emotionally after my father passed away, so now they are reunited she will be at peace away from this world.”
The Mirror also adds that a source told them that Mick has been with several tricks since L’Wren’s death.
If we, complete strangers, know that Mick Jagger is an enormous tramp slut and has been an enormous tramp slut since the beginning of time, then I’m sure L’Wren Scott knew that his dick has visited more coochies than Tampax has. Jan Brambough must be new here, because she’s the only one who is shocked by the fact that come rain, shine or the death of his longtime partner, Mick Jagger is going to stay slutty. If only The Long Island Medium wasn’t a complete fraud. She’d be able to speak to L’Wren and tell Jan, “L’Wren told me to tell you, ‘Let a ho be a ho.’“
The Time Mick Jagger Was Obsessed With Angie Jolie
In 1997, Angie Jolie played a stripper in the video for the Rolling Stones’ “Anybody Seen My Baby?” and there’s a rumor that shortly after shooting ended, they crotch-thrusted on each other while they were both married. In author Christopher Andersen’s new book about Mick Jagger called “MICK: The Wild Life and Mad Genius of Jagger,” he co-signs that rumor and writes that Angie’s hypnotic vagina put Mick in a trance and he probably would’ve dropped his wife at the time Jerry Hall for her if she asked. So that’s how Angie got her Junior Home Wrecker League badge of honor.
Christopher writes that Angie didn’t even want to do the Rolling Stones video, but her late mother Marcheline Bertrand convinced her to do it. Christopher makes it sound like Marcheline had a little Pimp Mama Kris in her, because she really wanted her then 22-year-old daughter to marry a 400-year-old zombie. Christopher writes (via NYDN):
Angie’s Jagger-obsessed mother, actress-producer Marcheline Bertrand, felt otherwise. Although Jolie was already married to British actor Jonny Lee Miller of “Trainspotting” fame and carrying on an affair with actor Timothy Hutton, Marche felt that her daughter needed a man like Mick.
“Marche loved Mick for Angie,” said Marcheline’s friend Lauren Taines. “She felt that he could teach her about fame and how to handle it.”
For Mick, a large part of Jolie’s appeal was her wild streak. “She scares me a little,” he said. “I like that.” Encouraged by Marcheline, who was determined to see her mercurial daughter marry him, Mick wasted no time pursuing Jolie once the cameras stopped rolling. At first she refused to return his phone calls, and, in standard fashion, the messages began to pile up on her machine: “Angelina, it’s Mick. Will you please, please call me?” “Miss Jolie, why aren’t you returning my calls?” “Angelina, I have got to speak to you. Call me.”
Angie finally gave in to Mick and tried to make her mom happy by flying to Florida to be with him. Fucking Mick didn’t give Angie any satisfaction, but she still kept him around for the next two years and added him to her harem of revolving peen, which included Russell Crowe, Timothy Hutton, Billy Bob Thornton and Nicolas Cage. In 1999, Angie stopped toying with Mick’s innocent heart and ended it with him for good.
I never really believed the Mick and Angie rumors, but only because I don’t really want to picture them sucking on each other’s mouth lips. It probably looked like four obese slugs having an orgy. Just NO. But if this is true, then it’s a good thing Angie chose Billy Bob Thornton as her second husband, because it wouldn’t have turned out well for us if she went with Mick instead. I mean, imagine their kids. Bitch would’ve popped out giant lips with legs. Again, just NO.