Kate Winslet Would Like You To Save Your Judgment For Miley

Kate Winslet just got done sticking her pinky out and politely telling the world they don’t fucking know her life in an interview with Glamour UK . To give the CliffsNotes version, she said that nobody has the right to comment on anybody else’s choices after her ass got raked over the coals by the pearl clutching sector for having three kids by three different men. Kate must have pushed out some brain cells along with her last baby and forgot she said that, because HuffPo is reporting that Kate did an interview with Psychologies magazine (via The Independent) where she threw Miley Cyrus under the bus.

“I mean, you think about someone like Miley Cyrus, and I said to my daughter the other day, ‘I’m this close to opening my mouth about what’s going on with that girl.’ Who is actually saying, ‘Stop for a second. What do you want, who are you?‘”

What rock Kate has been living under? Everybody and their Sinead O’Connor has been saying that shit to Miley and she has made it abundantly clear she will do whatever the fuck she wants. She’s gonna rub her flat ass on anything that will stand still, taste the wafting scent of her own fuckery in the air with that diseased tongue and make people cringe just to see how far the ripple effect will go because that’s who Miley has decided she is.

On one hand, I’m throwing Country Bear Jamboree’s mom some side-eye and a hand signal to stay in her own lane because of the “don’t judge me, judge her!” angle. On the other, I don’t disagree with Kate but it’s only because I’m clinging to the slim hope that Billy Ray will take a moment out of his busy VO5 hot oil treatment schedule to come get Miley before Noah gets tossed on stage next to her and there’s two of them to deal with.

(Pics: Splash)

QOTD: Kate Winslet On People Calling Her A Trashy Slut For Having 3 Kids With 3 Different Husbands

When Kate Winslet told everyone that her womb was full of a third kid she made with her third husband Ned Rocknroll, most people wondered if she would give her kid the last name Rocknroll (SPOILER ALERT: She didn’t) and some freaks called her a mega tramp. Some ridiculous ass writers even wrote entire articles about how Kate Winslet is an immoral slut stain on society for having 3 babies with 3 husbands. (Side note: “Immoral Slut Stain on Society” is what I write under occupation on my tax returns). Glamour UK asked the big baby-making, man-marrying slut harlot whore herself what she thinks about it and she spit out this dollop of FUCK YOU on a bed of sarcasm.

“No one has a right to comment on anyone’s life or the choices I do or don’t make. It’s very easy to be judgmental until you know someone’s truth. People have no idea at all. It baffles me, truly, that you can publicly treat a person like that. It’s not very nice. I’m really sorry to the nation’s press that I fell in love and got pregnant; I do apologize if you deem that irresponsible.”

I think what Kate meant to say was, “I’m really sorry to the nation’s press that I fell in love, got pregnant, fell in love, got pregnant, fell in love and got pregnant,” but we all know what she means. And Kate kept the FUCK YOUs coming by saying this after Glamour asked her if her kid’s going to have the last name Rocknroll.

“We haven’t ever really had that conversation; it was always going to have my name. Mia and Joe have it as part of their name, so it would be weird if this baby didn’t. Of course we’re not going to call it RocknRoll. People might judge all they like, but I’m a fucking grown-up.”

Translation: Kate Winslet is dickmatized enough to marry a dude with the last name Rocknroll, but she’s not dickmatized enough to give her kid that last name. And speaking of dicks, you all can go back to e-mailing, DMing and texting everyone you know about the Double Dick Bi Dude from Reddit. And I can go back to fantasizing about all the things you can do with conjoined twin dicks (examples: DP without all the legs, make ’em clap, make ’em slap my face cheeks at the same time, braid ’em, etc.. etc…).

Kate Winslet Named Her Baby “Bear”

File this under: Missed Opportunities For A Truly Sensational Celebrity Baby Name.

Kate Winslet and her husband, Ned Rocknroll, welcomed their first child together on December 7 in London, her third baby by her third husband (she was previously wed to Jim Threapleton and Sam Mendes). The morality police clutched their pearls and came over all faint at the idea of a woman having three babies by three different men but frankly, they’re missing the fucking point here. The real tragedy of this entire thing is that Kate and Ned halfassed their baby name selection by giving Bear her last name, as The Sun (via NYDN) reported.

First of all, Bear has already been done. Kate is going to need to figure out how to upstage Alicia Silverstone’s special brand of parenting after giving her son the same name as Alicia’s. Maybe she can hook up with Leonardo DiCaprio to develop a baby formula made from the powdered tears of actors who have never won an Oscar. Leo could singlehandedly keep the company afloat if he hands a case to every fetus he dates after their contract expires.

Second, how did Kate and Ned pass up the chance to use his legal last name of Rocknroll as a surname instead of naming him Bear Winslet? This is the most disappointing decision Kate has made since she refused to move the fuck over so Jack Dawson could have a chance at life. Think of the instantaneous Apple endorsement deal they could have had if they had named their baby iLove Rocknroll.

(Pic: Splash)

The Rocknroll Baby Is Here

Kate Winslet’s rep tells People that in a hospital in Sussex County, UK on Saturday, her third baby and her first with husband Ned Rocknroll was pulled out of her body. Kate’s rep told The Daily Mail that she had a boy and he weighed in at around 9 pounds. Kate’s rep called him “Baby Boy Winslet.” I hope that his official government name is Baby Boy, but I think her rep was just trying to let us know her son is not going to have his daddy’s jacked-up last name. I don’t know if her baby is going to let out a huge sigh of relief or let out a huge sigh of disappointment, because if anybody’s going to think that the last name Rocknroll is hot, it’s going to be a baby.

Baby Boy Winslet is Kate and Ned’s first kid together and she has a 13-year-old daughter named Mia with her first husband Jim Threapleton and a 10-year-old son named Joe with her second husband Sam Mendes. I scanned the comments at People and UsWeekly thinking that I’d see some comments saying that it’s a good thing she didn’t have a girl or Leonardo DiCaprio would date that girl in 18 years. Instead, I saw a handful of comments that basically said that Kate should board the S.O.S Slut Ho (aka the official cruise line of Dlisted), walk her hussy ass to the front and hold her arms out while screaming, “I’m the Queen of the Whores!” Kate Winslet is an embarrassment to all for having three kids with three different husbands! And then I read a couple of articles from June calling Kate Winslet a tramp stain on morality.

Damn. First of all, the fuck is morality anymore? Second of all, I’m sure Kate Winslet didn’t plan to have three kids by three different husbands. Or maybe she did, maybe she just wants a variety pack. I don’t know. But it’s not like Kate Winslet’s a teenage mother of 3 who’s on welfare and is on Maury’s stage screaming “You don’t know my life like that!” at the audience while waiting to find out which one of her 8 boyfriends is the biological father of her youngest. It’s Kate Winslet. I’m sure her kids will be more than fine. (Cut to The Daily Mail 2031: Kate Winslet’s Kid Burns Down Every Chapel In The County While Declaring That Marriage Is A Sham Because His Mom Has Been Married 8 Times!)

And Soon There Will Be A Baby With The Last Name Rocknroll

A quick minute after Jennifer Love Hewitt let it be known that she’s finally got a man and a baby in her bedazzled womb, Kate Winslet came along and pushed her out of the spotlight. Well played, Kate.

Kate’s rep confirmed to People that she and her of husband of 6 months Ned Rocknroll are going to be parents to a newborn baby friend in a few months. This baby will be Kate and Mr. Rockrnoll’s first baby together. Kate has a 12-year-old daughter with her first husband Jim Threapleton and a 9-year-old son with her second husband Sam Mendes. A baby for every husband!

Once Kate and that Rocknroll ho divorce, she can buy herself a pair of VS angel wings, because then she can marry Leonardo DiCaprio and then they can make a baby together and then the Jack and Rose shippers will finally get what they want.

And during Kate’s next sonogram, her doctor might wonder why her fetus is shaking its head. It’s shaking its head, because it knows that Kate and Ned are going to name it either Olive or Iz Only.

Presenting Mr. And Mrs. Rocknroll

37-year-old Kate Winslet married 34-year-old Ned Rocknroll in a secret wedding in New York earlier this month and that wedding was a secret, because she didn’t want anyone to know she was marrying a ho with the legal last name of ROCKNROLL! I bet that when the officiant asked, “Kate, do you take Ned Rocknroll as your wedded husband,” she turned around and asked everybody in the room if they had a tab of acid, because that’s the only way she’d be able to say yes. Marrying a motherfucker with the last name Rocknroll only makes sense when you’re high on some kind of brain-bending shit.

Kate and Ned Rocknroll (born name: Abel Smith) first met in 2011 when they were both vacationing on Richard Branson’s island. Ned is Richard Branson’s nephew. A fire broke out on the island and Kate saved Richard’s 90-year-old mother. Kate and Ned hooked up after they left the island and she’s been screaming his messed up name during fuck times ever since.

A source tells UsWeekly that Kate and Ned wanted to keep their wedding extra small, so they only invited a handful of friends and some family members. The best part is that Leonardo DiCapiro’s ass walked her down the aisle, because OF COURSE and because it only seemed fitting since marrying a dude named Ned Rocknroll is a lot like boarding a sinking ship.

This is Kate’s third marriage. She had a kid with her first husband and a kid with her second husband Sam Mendes, which means she’ll totally have a kid with her third husband and that kid’s last name will be Rocknroll. I hope they do have a kid and I hope that kid’s first name is ILove or ItsOnly.

I really know nothing about Ned Rocknroll, but now I know that he lays down the peen good, because that has to be the only reason why Kate married his ass. Dude must have unicorn jizz. Ned probably gives it so good that for a quick second, Kate completely forgets that she’s doing a dude with a name like a bottom tier wedding DJ who always ends up banging the ugliest bridesmaid in the bathroom.

That being said, I hope Kate took his last name and she’ll forever be known personally and professional as Kate Rocknroll.