Jerry O’Connell Trolls Shia LaDouche

Because some sucio whores want to scratch at a fetish they didn’t know they had (read: watching a human bottle of Summer’s Eve squirt out douche tears while wearing a paper bag over his head), there’s a way-too-long line to see Shia LaDouche’s diarrhea-inducing performance art piece in L.A. But today, and today only, the people had a chance to feed their souls with some truly entertaining fuckery. Next door to Shia LaDouche’s poop-up (typo and it stays) performance art gallery, Jerry O’Connell copies Shia who’s copying Marina Abramovic. Now fucking with Shia LaDouche is my idea of real art. This is how you troll a troll. Trololololo.

Both Buzzfeed and Vice say that say that for today only, Funny or Die set up a stunt art piece titled #IAMSORRYTOO starring Jerry O’Connell. Just like Shia’s piss puddle of an art piece, one by one people were led into the gallery and had to pick up an object that represented one of Jerry’s movies. Sadly, there was no chewed-off peen from Piranha 3D. After the person picked up an object, they went into a room and came face-to-bag-face with some real HIGH ART! Jerry was sitting there with a bag over his head that read “SUPER FAMOUS” and unlike Shia, Jerry spit out words. Jerry spit out sowwies for what he feeds his kids and for not keeping a show on network TV. Buzzfeed stood in line and talked to Jerry about fucking with Shia and he delivered this jewel:

“Everyone’s talking about it, whether you want to call it art or a real apology, it’s hilarious. He’s getting people talking. I’m all for this artsy gallery thing. It’s fun to parody because all I have to do here is sit with a bag on my head, crying, and saying, ‘I sowwy.’ But I have to tell you; it’s freeing to continually apologize like he does. I get it. ”

O’Connell said he is curious to know if LaBeouf would find what he’s doing equally funny. “The only thing we’re fearing is that Shia, who I don’t know personally, is known to fly off the handle. I just need fair warning if he comes storming in here for a bagged man on bagged man fight because I can’t see out of this paper bag. I’m sweating like Shia in an apology booth in here. I just need warning to take cover. ”

A confrontation is doubtful though, as O’Connell said he has no plans to wait in LaBeouf’s queue. “There’s no fucking way I’m going over there,” he said. “I wouldn’t wait in that line to see a Shia movie!”

The only way this could’ve been better is if Jerry O’Connell did the entire stunt as Tommy Girl and called the piece #YOULLBESORRY.

I hope celebrities keep fucking with Shia by copying his ass and by that I mean I hope Jon Hamm sets up a glory hole gallery on the same street and calls it #YOUWONTBESORRYBUTYOURJAWWILLBE.

Pics: @funnyordie, Buzzfeed

Speaking Of The Munsters….

While I patiently waiting for an all-lemur production of The Munsters starring Mary-Kate Olsen as Lily, Bryan Fuller (the creator of Pushing Daisies and Wonderfalls) and Bryan Singer (the director of The Usual Suspects and the first X-Men movies) are working on a complete reboot of The Munsters for NBC called Mockingbird Lane. They have already cast Eddie Izzard as Grandpa Munster, Mason Cook as Eddie, Charity Wakefield as Marilyn and now they’ve found their Herman Munster in Jerry O’Connell. This is where you put your obligatory “Khloe Kardashian was ROBBED” jokes.

Vulture read the pilot script and they say it’s really nothing like the original. The Double Bryans have taken The Munsters, removed its laugh track, lengthened it to an hour and injected it with a whole lot of silicone-infused drama. Bryan Fuller described their version as The Real Housewives of Transylvania and an American Horror Story for the entire family. NBC is calling it a “visually spectacular one hour drama.” So I guess that means we’ll see Eddie Izzard in a rubber suit and Lily Munster performing her single Tardy for the Funeral at Transylvania Gay Pride.

I will never forgive Bryan Singer for butchering the greatest show in the history of shows, Footballers Wives, by trying to do an American version of it. Bryan can right this wrong by casting Footballers Wives’ Tanya Turner as Lily Munster. Yeah, Tanya Turner as Lily Munster is bizarre, but so far everything about Mockingbird Lane sounds bizarre, so they might as well take the bizarreness all the way. I mean, don’t you want to see Lily and Marilyn get into it like this:

UPDATE: Deadline says Lorena from True Blood might play Lily.

The Rose Of The Kentucky Derby

It wouldn’t be the Kentucky Derby without a tall crystal glass of sweet tea with just a hint of mint to give your tongue the tingles. Johnny Weir quenched the thirst of dry mouthed bitches when he hit the red carpet at the Kentucky Derby yesterday dressed like a fancy Bravo reality star (I’m looking at you, Dwight) going to a drag queen’s funeral.

This is the first time in the history of the Kentucky Derby that the race ended early and a winner was not declared. That’s because as soon all the horses spotted Johnny in the audience, they sprouted wings, pushed a crystal horn out of their heads and flew off towards the land of rainbows and glitter. Johnny freed them!

And the people who got to witness Johnny’s glittery magic at work were: two assholian clowns, Larry Birkhead with Dannielynn, Fran Drescher, Joey Fat One, Jeff Lewis with Jenni, Vanessa Manilafolders with Nick Lachey, LOCKE!, Ugh Mario Lopez, Marisa Miller, Rebecca Romijn with Jerry O’Connell, Fred Willard and the woman with the best hat at the Derby.