The Time Gay Icon Prince Hot Ginge Saved A Soldier From A Homophobic Attack

The ginger crusader for gays exists and has been under our noses (do with that imagine what you will) this entire time! Lance Corporal James Wharton, who trained under Prince Hot Ginge in Canada in 2008, has a book out about being openly gay in the army and he told The Daily Mail about the time PHG saved him from getting brutally attacked by a group of homophobic pieces of trash from a rival regiment. I don’t want to be in the army and I don’t want to be gay bashed again, but if doing both means that PHG will come to my rescue and comfort me, I’ll think about it….

Trooper Wharton says that after six bitch ass soldiers threatened to whoop him for being gay, he told his tank commander PHG about it. Trooper Wharton told PHG exactly what happened and said that he was afraid the soldiers were going to kill him. PHG put his Captain Save-A-Gay hat on and took care of those homophobic whores.

‘I couldn’t stop the tears from welling up in my eyes. He said, “Right I’m going to sort this shit out once and for all.”

‘He climbed out of the tank and I poked my head out of the turret a few moments later to see him having a go,’ Wharton said.
Harry, a Troop Commander in the Blues and Royals, confronted the tormentors, warning them they would face severe discipline if they continued their violent threats. ‘I could see he wasn’t holding back,’ said Wharton, who was 21 at the time.

After PHG told those dicks that if they came at Trooper Wharton again he’ll get his grandma to beat them in the throat with her pocketbook, he told his higher-ups what happened.

Trooper Wharton also talked about the time PHG told him that he’s a gay icon!

Harry happened to mention that he and his brother had been told they were gay icons. I laughed and told him that I didn’t think that was the case. He became really adamant saying, “What? What? We are! Our press people told us.”

‘Harry then asked if he couldn’t be a gay icon because he was ginger. It was all very funny.’

Of course PHG is a gay icon. He’s a ginger icon, a human icon, a welfare icon (that was written by Morrissey and not me), a drunk icon, a sex icon and an EVERYTHING icon.

Science should find a way to clone PHG already, because the world would be a much better place if he dropped from the sky every time someone was about to get gay bashed. A hero to us all!

(Thanks to Peter and everybody else who sent this in)

The Prancing Wonder Behind Prancercise Finally Speaks

The frontrunner for People Magazine’s Beautiful Person of the 21st century and 2013’s sole inductee into the Camel Toe Hall of Fame, Joanna Rohrback, stopped prancing through the parks of Florida for a minute to talk to The Daily Beast about the fitness craze that has taken over the Internet, the world and beyond. Joanna the Prancer says that ever since Prancercise went viral, she’s been drowning in interview requests and Anna Wintour has already begged her camel toe to pose for the cover of the September issue of Vogue.

61-year-old Joanna started Prancercise by accident when she was walking down the street in Hollywood in the 90s. The spirit of a horse galloping through poppy fields took over her body and she started prancing like she was Sarah Jessica Parker at her cotillion.

“I must have heard a really good song I liked on the radio,” Rohrback said. “I started moving in a rhythmic way, using ankle weights. And it just evolved.”

It felt like prancing, she said, like the way a happy horse frolics through a field of poppies. She was using her upper body and her legs, and because the whole thing was so fluid and natural, there was no pounding impact on the pavement. Prancercise was born, and it was beautiful.

Rohrback started prancercising outside, every day, on the “boardwalk” in Hollywood. People asked her about it constantly. “I think I even got it on a news clip,” she said. She quickly realized she shouldn’t keep prancercising to herself.

Joanna tried to make Prancercise a thing, but it never took off. She thinks that if she had investors, it could’ve been bigger than Zumba.

In the early 2000s, scientists were trying to figure out why there were no rainbows in the sky (just go with me on this) and depression in horses skyrocketed to 100%. Now we know the reason for this. A “female condition” kept Joanna from prancing and she didn’t prance for 9 years. But now she’s back with a book and is ready to prance like she’s never pranced before:

Last July, for the first time in nearly a decade, Joanna Rohrback discovered that she could prance once more. She knew it was time to share her creation with the world.

“I wake up and here it is, 2012. Oh my god, I had never fulfilled my dream,” she said. “The top of my bucket list.”

Rohrback says prancercising can have astounding results. She still does it every day—in her house. Florida is much too humid to prancercise outside, she said.

“You can go out and do something like this, in your own manner and your own form,” she says. “You don’t have to be like monkeys imitating each other in the gym.”

Prance on, Joanna, prance on! And I hope all of this leads to a prancing world tour. CoCo’s camel toe and Richard Simmons can open.

Sir Patrick Stewart’s Mouth Boldly Goes Where It Has Never Gone Before

Sir Patrick Stewart is 72 years old, has traveled the world and has probably dined in the fanciest restaurants and yet, he has never put his mouth on one of the planet’s finest gourmet treasures: a slice of pizza! Yes, Sir Patrick Stewart eating his first slice is HIGHLY important news.

Patrick bought a duplex in Park Slope, Brooklyn and to christen himself as a citizen of the neighborhood, he ate his first slice at Smiling Pizza. This is the most important thing to happen to New York pizza since Papa Joe first brought pizza to NYC in the olden times or whenever. Patrick folded his slice (makes it easy to dip in nacho cheese) and also enjoyed what Mayor Bloomberg would call an extra large soda. Some of us would call it a “one gulp.”

I still can’t believe that Sir Patrick Stewart has never had a slice of pizza before today. Well, Sir Patrick Stewart can say that he hasn’t truly started living life to the fullest until today.

You know, now that I think about that shit. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten a slice of pizza either. I normally just drench the whole pizza pie with melted butter before shoving the entire thing in my mouth. The melted butter lubes the pizza up so it goes into my mouth hole easier.

via Gothamist

Jeannie’s Still Got It

As Elton John, Billy Clinton, a knocked up Fergie Ferg, a long-lost Kardashian named Conchita Wurst, Glamberace, Karolina Kurkova, Kelly Osbourne, Melanie Griffith, Hilary Swank, Amanda Lepore, Carmen Electra and Azealia Banks were on their knees worshiping at her perfect feet, Barbara Eden performed as Jeannie at the Life Ball in Vienna. By “performed,” I mean stood on stage, looked at the audience, did a few of her Jeannie poses and stood on the stage some more. But you know, Barbara Eden could do something heinous like read Chris Brown’s tweets out loud and I’d still give her a standing ovation.

Hillary, better come and get Bill. You know Bill was looking at Barbara Eden in her Jeannie costume and was thinking to himself, “I’d let you rub my lamp. You might not get a genie who’ll grant you three wishes, but you’ll get something else you might like.” Stop it, Bill!

And Barbara Eden is 78! These young hos who are a third of her age could never bring the glamour like she can.

Angelyne Takes A Tumble

The inventor of cement, the makers of wedge flip-flops, Sir Isaac Newton’s estate, the paparazzo who shot this, Los Angeles County and who ever built that curb should all face felony charges for their role in the crime against natural beauty that happened in Beverly Hills the other day.

While sashaying into a building in Beverly Hills, Hollywood’s very own hot pink unicorn Angelyne tripped on the curb and nearly fell on her exquisitely crafted porcelain face. God would’ve been so damn mad if something happened to his greatest creation. You can say that it’s Angelyne’s fault since she was covering her face Amanda Bynes-style. But Angelyne has to cover her gorgeous face or everyone around her will go into shock from being that close to her beauty. So Angelyne was doing humanity a favor and this is what she gets for it?!

And you know, I have a feeling this was all staged by Angelyne to make all of us think that she’s a mere mortal. Because we all know that Angelyne could’ve easily sprouted her pink angel wings and flown her face to safety.

Be Still My Heart: The Mysterious Beauty That Is Wendy Lynn

A photo agency’s database is like an out-of-season garden. There’s weeds, brown patches of grass and sad stretches of dirt everywhere, but if you keep looking your eyes will eventually land on a stunning and special flower. That’s what happened to me when I was scrolling through a photo agency’s database and landed on pictures of a beautiful, natural and always in season blond rose named Wendy Lynn. The pictures of Wendy Lynn were taken at a cancer awareness event in Santa Monica on Tuesday night. Wendy Lynn is an exquisite goddess whose delicate face peeks out of a cloud of curly blond hair. She’s the beauty that Loni Anderson longs to be. She’s the love child of Elly May Clampett and a swan.

The photo agency didn’t have any information about Wendy Lynn besides her name. I had to know everything about her. I wanted to know how many men have fought for her honor? How many women have joined a convent, because they knew they couldn’t compete with her? How many rose petals does she crush and smear all over her lips to get them looking so fresh and delicate (answer: none, her lips look like that naturally)? I needed to know everything about Wendy Lynn, because I planned to write another unauthorized biography about her. I say “another” because a woman that fascinating and gorgeous has obviously been the subject of several unauthorized biographies.

A quick Google search, led to this Christian website that had a small blurb about Wendy Lynn Adams.

David and Wendy Adams were both privileged to be raised in Christian homes where Jesus Christ was Lord. Our homes centered on the Bible and in the church. Wendy’s dad was a pastor so she was ministering and singing since she was a young girl. When she was 21 the TV show “Hee Haw” was starting and Wendy was chosen to be “Nurse Good-body” on what became the top show on TV. She has had two of her own TV shows and traveled for years with her own groups. In 1998 she was inducted into the Celebrity Hall of Fame. For 11 years she fed the homeless and the children in the slums, ministering the gospel and helping them to get jobs and homes. She is in demand ministering and singing all over the nation.

I looked for clips from Hee Haw on YouTube to see the magnificent Wendy Lynn in action, but the only clip of Nurse Goodbody I found didn’t star Wendy Lynn. It starred Gunilla Hutton as Nurse Goodbody. I figured that maybe Wendy Lynn was the original Nurse Goodbody and she left Hee Haw, because her spectacular beauty made all the cameras burst. I kept Googling, but couldn’t find anything that backed my guess up. Then my eyes landed on a post at Creating Balance from Judith who met Wendy Lynn at an event at Graceland. She was immediately hypnotized by Wendy Lynn’s presence (who isn’t?) and Wendy Lynn told her that she was Nurse Goodbody on Hee Haw. A couple of days later, Judith did a Google search and found out the same shit I found out: Wendy Lynn was never Nurse Goodbody!

I emailed a hee-haw expert that I found while searching, to ask her. She responded that Gunilla was the only Nurse Goodbody. Hee Haw’s 1st episode was in June of 1969. Gunilla first appeared in episode 13, in December of ’69. I checked the IMDB website, and there is no Wendy Lynn listed in any of the first 12 episodes.

Ms. Adams’ website says she was inducted into the Celebrity Hall of Fame in 1998. There is no such thing as a Celebrity Hall of Fame.

I found only one other reference to this Wendy Adams as Nurse Goodbody on this site where it says that she was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame in 1998. But there were only four 1998 inductees. Two of them included Tammy Wynette and Elvis Presley. And I’m pretty sure we did not meet Tammy Wynette on Sunday.

This site also gave a quote where Wendy claimed to be Elvis’ “prayer partner”. Um, ok. I’ll give her that one.

I have honestly spent hours on this. I can compare the feelings on this to when I found out there wasn’t a Santa Claus, and when I found out Delilah was not in Memphis, but a syndicated show out of California. (I’m still not over that one)

What I can’t get over, is that she visited my home church several times during that week, introducing herself as Nurse Goodbody. So this wasn’t a one-time introduction, or encounter with her at Graceland. She made this statement to a lot of people.

Maybe she was a stand-in? Maybe she was a back-up singer? IDK.

So what I do know about Wendy Lynn is that she’s a minister and tells everyone that she was Nurse Goodbody on Hee-Haw. Barbara Walters needs to stop calling herself a journalist, because she failed as a journalist when she didn’t make Wendy Lynn the Most Fascinating Person of Every Year!

Pics: Wenn.com