The other Mr. Harvey is a Trekkie, and this news made him squee like a 15-year-old girl finding out that Shawn Mendes is subbing in fifth-period Biology that day. Squeeze into that Deanna Troi leotard pantsuit you bought on Etsy and start the party, because according to The Hollywood Reporter, Sir Patrick Stewart (seen above looking like the end of a Cymbalta ad) is returning as the Enterprise’s Capt. Jean-Luc Picard. Hopefully, his bestie Sir Ian MacKellan will take over the role of Riker (or, better yet, Troi), because those two should never be apart.
Bald international treasure, Sir Patrick Stewart, and his wife Sunny Ozell became foster parents to a pit bull named Ginger last week. Since then, Sir Pat has been posting videos and pictures on Twitter and Instagram of his time with Ginger. And lately, his videos are the only things that can warm the icicles covering the frost-bitten pile of rotten ground meat I call a heart. Sir Patrick tags the ASPCA and uses the hashtag #AdoptDontShop every time he tweets about Ginger, so he’s really doing the lord’s work by promoting dog adoption. Although, try to tell that to Sir Ian McKellen who is probably sobbing in a corner alone over being replaced by Ginger the Pibble!
Sir Pat tweeted a video of himself trying to get Ginger to swim, but she was more interested in drinking pool water from his bald head.
— Patrick Stewart (@SirPatStew) March 9, 2017
He’s tweeted other videos that lead me to believe that this is going to be a foster fail situation that will end with Sir Patrick Stewart adopting Ginger. But if that doesn’t happen and he tweets a video of sadness covering Ginger’s face as he sends her off to another family, my heart will freeze over again. It’d be my Emily Blunt in The Huntsman: Winter’s War moment.
It’s the end of the week and the best way to the begin the weekend is with a smile and the tingles, so here’s a story that’ll give you both of those things and HOW!
Sir Patrick Stewart was on The Graham Norton Show with Hugh JackMeOff to promote that Logan movie, and Graham brought up a revelation that Sir Pat learned about his peen not too long ago. His revelation even made it onto an episode of his Starz show Blunt Talk in 2015. Sir Pat has gone through most of his 76 years of life thinking that his peen wears a mock turtleneck when it really wears a full on turtleneck. I don’t know how one goes through life thinking that they’ve got a cut peen when they’ve really got a peen in a blanket, but I’m glad that Sir Pat made that mistake, because now we’ve got this story and clip.
Sir Ian McKellen is Gandalf AND Magneto. He’s also best friends with the (best) captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise. This makes him the Nerd King- er, Queen. I bow down to him every chance a gay comic booky sci-fi fanboy can get. This also means his visually witty sign at the Women’s March yesterday didn’t surprise me in the least. It’s the famed (well, famed in nerd meme circles) still of his bestie Patrick Stewart as Captain Jean-Luc Picard holding his face in his hand.
In this situation, it’s like Captain Picard’s rueing the day that you-know-who took the Oval Office. We feel you, Jean-Luc. Sir Ian later explained on Facebook that he had FOUND the sign but still – it was obviously made for him to find. Patrick Stewart probably made it.
Patrick Stewart has the kind of very serious British voice that was made for narrating a documentary about tuberculosis or recording an outgoing voicemail message for The Queen. But apparently some people hear Patrick Stewart’s voice and think it would sound perfect coming out of the mouth of an animated smiling turd, which brings us to where we are now.
The Hollywood Reporter says that Patrick Stewart has joined the cast of The Emoji Movie, the movie about emojis. Sir Patrick will voice the poop emoji. His character’s name is simply Poop. The casting was announced earlier today during a presentation by Sony Pictures Animation. They also announced several other casting additions that make a little more sense than Sir Patrick Stewart. Joining T.J. Miller as an emoji named Gene and a code breaker played by Ilana Glazer will be Maya Rudolph, Jake T. Austin, James Corden, and Jennifer Coolidge.
For those of you who reading this news and picturing a movie about scat-curious emojis, Tony Leondis (the director of The Emoji Movie) explained what the plot of the movie is.
“I know what you’re thinking – WTF. What is their story? Emoji are expected to be one thing their whole lives. So I thought, what if one was born with not one, but lots of expressions…and how would that affect the status quo? Everyone has felt different – it’s everyone’s story.”
Having the poop voiced by Patrick Stewart kind of works for me; who wouldn’t want their BMs to sound all respectable and dignified. But since they’re going lowbrow with a poop emoji character, I really hope they also wrote in an eggplant emoji. And I also hope it’s voiced by The Game, because who else?
You’ll probably need to blink a few times to fully take in all of that hotness, because those grandaddy long leg lashes are so long that they probably reached through the screen and tickled your eyeballs.
That beauty before you who is delivering some “three martinis at a leisurely lunch before spending her dead husband’s money at Bergdorf’s” glamour is international treasure Sir Patrick Stewart in complete rich lady drag. Sir Patrick became Dame Patricia Stewart to promote his show Blunt Talk in Hollywood last night. (Again, Blunt Talk is sadly not a talk show where Sir Patrick gives us his thoughts on important events while smoking on a fat one.) Some people think that Lady Patricia looks like Dame Helen Mirren. I mean, Dame Patricia sort of looks like a Helen Mirren pantyhose doll that was made with extreme care. But to me, I see Bernadette from Priscilla’s younger and more glamorous sister who married rich several times and smells like fresh-out-of-L’egg pantyhose, rouge and Jean Nate after-bath splash.
I could stare at Dame Patty’s tweezed-by-the-Gods eyebrows forever, but she’s even better when she’s giving us her full look from wig to toe:
Patricia is the kind of grandma of the bride who can get the groom to call off the wedding just by winking at him. Get it, Dame P!