Category: Hulk Hogan
Hulk Hogan Won At Least $115 Million In His Sex Tape Lawsuit Against Gawker
One of Hulk Hogan’s lawyers is probably on top of a ladder and is trying to peel off his bandana from the ceiling, because that shit probably blew off of his head after a jury awarded him $115 million in damages from Gawker. And just like that, Linda Hogan’s deep fried coochie suddenly has the tingles for Hulk Hogan once again.
Because You Really Wanted To Know, Hulk Hogan’s Dick Is Not 10 Inches Long
The blindfold on every Lady Justice statue in this country is filling with a thousand tears, because nothing has ever made them more proud of the judicial system like Hulk Hogan testifying in a court room that his dick is not 10 inches long. What a proud moment for this country.
Giant piece of smoked salmon jerky Hulk Hogan and Gawker are currently battling it to the death in a court room in St. Petersburg, FL. Hulk and his wishbone stache are suing Gawker for $100 million for invading his privacy by posting a video of the Hulkster running wild on his friend’s pussy. (Actually, I’ve seen the video. He doesn’t run wild. It’s more of a slow out-of-breath stroll.) Hulk didn’t know he was being filmed when he pounded his charbroiled salchicha into Heather Clem, the then-wife of his friend Bubba the Love Sponge. The sex tape was recorded on security cameras in Bubba and Heather’s the bedroom. Hulk also sued Bubba, but they settled the case for $5,000 and a public “I”m Sowwy.” Gawker and Hulk Hogan tried to work out a deal, but they couldn’t come to an agreement. So they’re in court.
Hulk Hogan Is Begging His Fans To Forgive Him For That Racist Shit He Said
Hulk Hogan was dropped by the WWE and they erased all traces of his orange gristle image from their website after The National Enquirer and Radar published some racist crap he spewed out of his mouth in a sex tape. Hulk is suing Gawker Media for $100 million because they posted screen shots and heave-inducing details of a fuck tape that was shot without him knowing it. The transcripts of him mouth shitting up racist slurs while talking about Brooke Hogan dating a black guy were sealed by the court and nobody knows how The National Enquirer magically got a hold of them. Once the transcripts were published, his charbroiled empire started to crumble and now he’s trying to save his career by begging for forgiveness.
QOTD: Brooke Hogan Thinks It’s Funny When People Say She Smells Like Bologna
Brooke Hogan really should’ve quit defending her dad Hulk Hogan after writing that gorgeous poem, because that’s as good as it gets and it will not only go down in literary history as an important work, but future civilizations will consider it the greatest defense of a father. But because Brooke Hogan doesn’t have shit to do and loves attention, she is defending her dad once again. Hulk Hogan mouth farted up a bunch of corroded racist dingles while talking about Brooke dating a black guy in his leaked sex tape. Brooke told Entertainment Tonight that her dad isn’t racist, because he’s best friends with Mr. T (yes, the “MY BEST FRIEND IS BLACK” card). She also said that she doesn’t get pissed off when she’s told white people smell like whatever the hell bologna is made of.
“My dad’s best friends with Mr. T, he’s best friends with Dennis Rodman, he’s not racist. It’s just when you’re mad and you’re at the lowest point in your life …. you just choose ill-fitting words for that situation just to air your shorts out. He’s so nice to everybody. He doesn’t talk like that, which is what was so strange about it.”
I feel bad for my dad, but I also feel bad for the African-American fans and stuff because they don’t know that he didn’t mean it. You know, it would be offensive. But this is something that we have to put a stop to everyday, because I’ll be honest with you, I’ve had a black guy call me a honkey, and I’ve also been told that white people smell like bologna. I don’t take offense to it, I just laughed at it.”
Hmmm. To me, Brooke doesn’t look like she smells like bologna. She looks like she smells like Victoria’s Secret fruit mist, the crust around an old bottle of Wet ‘N Wild foundation, peroxide, desperation and that faux coconut scent in some self tanners. But now that she mentions it…. I mean, Hulk Hogan’s hands look like they smell like fried deli meat and Slim Jim grease, so her body must smell like that too.
Pic: Wenn.com
Hulk Hogan’s Sex Tape Is The Offensive Gift That Keeps On Offending
Last week, the WWE declared themselves Hulk Hogan-free after they confirmed that the jerkyfied walrus spewed out a bunch of racist shit in a sex tape. The National Enquirer and Radar published Hulk Hogan’s Paula Deen-approved dirty racist talk after they somehow got a hold of sealed transcripts from his sex tape. The transcripts were under seal by the court, because they’re part of Hulk Hogan’s $100 million lawsuit against Gawker.
Since Hulk got dropped by the WWE, he’s wondered why it’s not okay for him to say the n-word, but it’s okay for President Obama to say it while talking about racism in an interview. Hulk has also been re-tweeting pictures of his black Twitter followers to prove that he’s not a racist. Well, he better find pictures of his gay Twitter followers to re-tweet, because he’s about to get a slap down letter from GLAAD.
Brooke Hogan Wrote A Poem About How The Hulkster Totally Isn’t Racist
Brooke Hogan, one of the many nuggets floating around in the metaphorical toilet that is Hulk Hogan’s sex tape transcript (working title: “The Hulkster is About To Make You Feel Real Uncomfortable, Bruthur“), is apparently super sad that people think her daddy is racist. I know, right? Whatever would give us that idea? It’s not like there’s reportedly a recording of Hulk Hogan growling out the n-word over and over again. Oh wait…
Brooke wants you to look past The Hulkster’s word turds and into his (probably) deeply sun-damaged heart. Shortly after Hulk admitted that, yeah, he said some offensive shit and apologized for it, Brooke wrote a poem titled “If You Knew My Father” and posted it to Facebook. So for those of you who have ever scrolled through the Dlisted archives and wondered what former famous person Brooke Hogan has been up to, you have your answer. Poetry. She also made a picture collage of Hulk Hogan shaking hands with an assortment of people, because Brooke Hogan really wants you to know her dad loves everyone.
The poem is after the cut because it’s way too many words. But also because it’s a damn MESS and you’re going to want to slam a couple shots of something hard before you try to work your way through it.