Det. La Toya + The Busey = GOLD

The cast of The Whore Pit Viper Extravaganza (official name: Celebrity Apprentice) hasn’t been officially announced yet, but Donald Trump’s gang of wrecks met in Las Vegas last weekend for a launch party before shooting starts in NYC, so names have leaked and it’s a mess. I knew Detective La Toya was doing it, but I didn’t know about Gary Busey. It almost reads like the patient list on a sign-in sheet at a crazy house. Here’s the supposed cast list courtesy of Zap2It:

Detective La Toya Jackson: Beauty icon, Bubbles’ confidante and protegee of Sherlock Holmes.
Mark McGrath: The evil and Sun-In-ed minion responsible for that annoying “Fly” song.
Dionne Warwick: Singer, actress, my messenger and alleged friend of the good shit.
Jose Canseco: Former baseball player, former roid aficionado and former Madge victim.
Lil Jon: Rapper and dentist’s nightmare (or dream, depending on the dentist).
Star Jones: A LAWYER and Gay Al Reynolds’ ex purse holder.
Gary Busey: Crazy’s best customer, of course, of course.
Marlee Matlin: Oscar winning actress!!
David Cassidy: The ghost of Justin Bieber’s future.
Niki Taylor: Supermodel and co-host of that Make Me A Supermodel tragedy
Meat Loaf: Like you need to ask….
Nene Leakes: One of the Real Foreclosed Housewives of Atlanta.
Lisa Rinna: Actress, reality star, store owner, and lip abuser.
Richard Hatch: First winner of Survivor, tax cheater and the winner of Mr. Sweet Prison Nalgas ’08.
Hope Dworaczyk: Some trick.
John Rich: One half of the country duo Big & Rich.

Star Jones is going to wish she still had some chunk when NeNe tries to stomp on her in the boardroom. Lil Jon is going to wish he was bald when Gary Busey refuses to stop nibbling on his dreads. And EVERYONE is going to wish they didn’t sign up for this mess when Detective La Toya reveals all of their secrets in front of a roaring fireplace.

When this shit is over Trump Tower will be nothing but dust and all that will be left will be Donald Trump’s hair and one of Gary Busey’s Chiclets. I can’t wait.

Gary Busey Is A Hero!!!!

Finally, here’s some news that will make you want to kiss Gary Busey’s jumbo mouth Chiclets and let him chew on your favorite sweater. When Gary Busey isn’t fluttering over California and spreading his sparkly lunatic dust, he’s saving lives! I always knew that beneath all those layers of crazy were more layers of crazy and then more layers of crazy and then more layers of crazy and then a hero’s heart!

TMZ says that earlier this week, Gary came upon a major car wreck in Malibu and he immediately jumped into action. Police sources say that Gary called 911 and then stopped traffic by blinding drivers with his smile. Who needs orange cones, right?

Gary even stayed with one of the injured until the ambulance pulled up. The injured man’s mother says that her son is doing fine and what Gary did was “very sweet and caring.” Yes, the man freaked out when he woke up and thought the jaws of life were coming at him, but other than that he’s thankful for Gary’s good samaritan ways!

Gary has yet to comment because admitting that he’s a true hero might fuck with his reputation as the craziest crazy in Hollyweird.

Gary Busey Is Going To Eat That Baby!

You might be wondering what baby I’m talking about since all you see is a field of calcified giant Chiclets, but just tilt your head to the left and back up a bit. There’s BABY posing with his father Gary Busey for Entertainment Tonight.

It’s good to see that Gary’s girlfriend didn’t give birth to a humongous pair of dentures, but I do have one concern. If Baby Luke should find himself alone in a forest for some reason and a deranged horse (or a rabid beaver) came at him, would he hug it and call it daddy or would he crawl away FOR HIS LIFE like he should? Hm. Something to ponder.

And here’s another one:

Baby Luke looks so excited, because he’s seeing his reflection in Gary Busey’s huge ass teefs for the first time!