The Fantasia Sex Tape We’ve All Been Waiting For!

It’s been an open secret in North Carolina that Fantasia has been slippin’ and slidin’ all over the cock of a married father of two, but she’s never lifted up her hand and said “Guilty as fucked.” Fantasia doesn’t have to do that anymore, because the wife of the married dude she’s boning is doing it for her. WCNC (via TMZ) reports that Antwaun Cook’s wife Paula filed a complaint in court last week alleging that her estranged husband has been down low dicking Fantasia since August of last year. Paula claims that Antwaun and Fantasia’s parts got tingly for each other when they first met at the romance capital of the country known as the T-Mobile store.

Paula has proof of her husband’s affair in the form of a sex tape he allegedly made with Fantasia. The complaint reads: “Throughout the course of their adulterous affair … Defendant/Husband and Ms. Barrino have at times recorded their illicit activity.” The document also claims that Fantasia read Paula her rights during one phone call. Fantasia apparently said to her: “He don’t want you. Maybe the next time that you get a husband you’ll know how to keep him. That’s why he is here with me.”

Those words might come back to fuck Fantasia’s checking account dry, because North Carolina is a state that allows wives to sue their husband’s mistresses.

But back to the sex tape, Fantasia sweats more than Mel Gibson in a kosher deli when she shakes her ass for more than two minutes, so you know her pores will blowing new kinds of perspiration in that sex tape. Fanny will take squirting to a whole new level.

And if this sex tape ever leaks, I hope Simon, Randy and Paula reunite to thoroughly critique it. The word “pitchy” will never have the same meaning again.

Fanny’s Got What You Need

RiRi and Gollumina can cover up their bikini bodies with a Snuggie towel, because Fantasia has arrived to summon the panty pudding with her piping hot corn cake thighs and marbled pork chops. Actually, by the looks of Fanny’s bikini briefs, she’s the one brewing the panty pudding in these pictures. I’m thinking caramel with a swirl of amaretto and a sprinkling of walnuts.

Fanny is in Barbados to perform at a musical festival, and she’s also there to celebrate the premiere of her Vh1 reality show which starts tonight. I really hope that after her show, Vh1 airs Fanny’s Paypal information, because we all need to drop a quarter in her cup so she can go and get those tattoos filled in. Bitch’s skin looks like an unfinished coloring book with water damage.

Truth Is, You’re A Homewrecker

Sienna Miller might have a new partner in homewrecking. That’s if you believe Star Magazine. They claim that Fantasia has used her feminine wiles to lure a very married father of two into her pussay’s clutches. Just because Fanny’s own home almost got foreclosed on, doesn’t mean she should go and snatch someone else’s. But I guess we can’t choose who our fuck parts want to cling to. We just have to go with it.

Apparently, everyone in Charlotte, North Carolina is queefing about how 30-year-old college football player Antwaun Cook pink-slipped his teacher wife and his two young children (ages 1 and 4) so that he could fuck on Fantasia full-time.

Fanny and Antwaun met back in August while he was working at a T-Mobile store. Their genitals instantly started humming for each other while talking about pre-paid phones. A weeks after they met, Antwaun left his family and moved into Fanny’s mansion. A source added, “I’m not going to deny that the word ‘homewrecker’ is floating around.”

The source also said that Fanny’s got so bad for Antwaun that she even had his last name tattooed on her shoulder, “She got it to honor her man!”

Well, if Fanny’s fairytale romance with Antwaun ever ends she can easily turn that tattoo from “Cook” to “COCK.” And really, we all wish we could go through life with a giant cock on our shoulder.

And those of you screaming that Fanny can’t even read her own tattoo need to stop! You might just be right, but who cares. Who needs to be hooked on phonics when you can be hooked on cock!

Is Josh Steppin’ Out On Diane?

Josh Brolin is one of those dudes that I always forget is an authentic and pure asshole. When I look at pictures of him the word “fucktard” doesn’t immediately jump out at me, but every now and again I’m reminded of his assholian ways. Like the time he allegedly got physical (and not in the Olivia Newton-John way) with Diane Lane. This was back in 2004 and Josh was arrested for domestic battery. Diane later dropped the charges and said it was all a misunderstanding. Well, Josh might be at it again. InTouch says that Josh was caught getting intimate with a woman who isn’t his wife.

On May 21st, Josh and some local broad named Melissa Green were partying at New Orlean’s Royal Street Inn. Josh is currently filming Jonah Hex down there. A witness-type said that after they finished boozing, Josh took Melissa to the movie’s set at 11:35 pm. They stuck around there for several hours and left together at 7:23 am. The witness added, “Josh looked like he hadn’t slept at all. She was wearing the same outfit as the night before and looked embarrassed.”

InTouch offers up that picture on the left as PROOF! Yeah, I believe it. Although, it doesn’t look like he’s having an affair with a woman. It looks like he’s having an affair with a giant pole. He’s looking at it like he can’t wait to caress and embrace it.

Would Josh really cheat on Cherry Valance?! Didn’t he learn anything from Unfaithful? Cheating only leads to you getting hit over the head with a snow globe, rolled into a rug and stuffed into the truck of a car. Your body will spend the rest of eternity in front of a traffic light.

Feet Don’t Fail Me Now

Fantasia’s toad hooves look like they have never failed her! Those things look like they have done it all! They’ve wrestled a hog, planted a thousand pine trees, laid a dozen T-Rez eggs, carried Pocahontas across the Potomac River, built the pyramids, won the Heavyweight Champion of the World title, dug a tunnel to Mesopotamia and played the title role in The Hunchback of Notre Dame the musical. Oh, the tales Fanny’s feet could tell! They should write (they can do that too) a book!

Source: YBF

Vh1 Has Answered My Prayers!!!!

There really is a God and its name is Vh1, because my prayers have really paid off! Vh1 has announced that the greatest thing to ever happen to American Idol (next to Simon’s chichis), Fantasia, will star in a reality show that will debut in 2010. Everybody wind your clocks forward really fast simultaneously, so 2010 can come sooner! Seriously, not since Being Bobby Brown….

The show will follow Fantasia as she dodges calls from collectors and fights with check cashing cashiers. You know, just a day in the life. This is the kind of show that was made just for drinking games! Every time they show Fantasia’s bawling pits, you have to take a shot of Malibu and passion fruit Jello (I’ve really had that).

Seriously, my Tivo is even jizzing itself over this soon-to-be epic mess!

Fantasia’s reality show will be brought to you by panty liners and Rosetta Stone.

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