Ashlee Simpson Talked About Her “Saturday Night Live” Lip-Synch Train Wreck 

Ashlee Simpson and her husband Evan Ross, known to us as Miss Diana Ross’ son, are continuing to milk money out of their family names by doing a reality show for E!, which premieres next month. To promote her show, Ashlee talked to E! News and I guess Evan was busy doing something because he doesn’t get quoted at all. Ashlee has been out of the game for a while. Her last album came out in 2008 and her MTV show ended three years before that. Ashlee talked about getting back into music, but who cares about that when she talks about the cringeworthy moment most of us know her from.

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Thankfully There Was Miss Diana Ross

Last night’s American Music Awards were a mixed bag of awards show spectacle that ranged from awkward messiness (see: everyone’s faces while Christina tried) and bold showmanship (see: the dong-shaped catwalk). But the queen of the evening was the legendary Miss Diana Ross, who was honored with a Lifetime Achievement Award. And of course she went above and beyond for the occasion.

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Open Post: Hosted By Jessica Simpson’s Mom And Husband Having A Touching Bonding Moment

The matriarch of the fucked-up Simpson family turned 56 a couple of days ago, so her family (sans her ex Papa Joe) took her to Mexico where it looks like she did whatever I do when I’m in Mexico: suck down that tequila like a 9 inch dick.

Tina Simpson’s drunk ass has been posting pictures from the trip on Instagram including this one of her and her son-in-law Eric Somethingoranother getting into some wholesome fun. HuffPo points out that several of Mama Tina’s followers shook their heads at this picture and called it highly inappropriate. Um, do Mama Tina’s followers even know this family? A picture of Jessica Simpson’s husband using her mom’s pussy as a pillow while he presents his hole to the camera is considered G-rated in that family. If Papa “Grab-Ass” Joe was on that trip, that picture would look a whole lot different. We wouldn’t even know that Tina was in it, because Papa Joe would be blocking her while sitting on Eric’s thumb.

Tina also posted this picture of her with her other son-in-law Evan Ross:

Now that picture really offends me on every level. No, not because of their pose. But because Evan Ross still has that busted Batman logo goatee on his face.

Ashlee Simpson’s New Baby Has A Name

Ashlee Simpson, the former Limited Too version of Avril Lavigne and current person with one too many Es in their first name who is married to Evan Ross, gave birth to her second baby a couple days ago. At the time, Michael K guessed that the name written on Baby Ross’ birth certificate was “Queens Rikki-Tikki Ross“, which was both 100% absurd and 100% totally plausible, because  = Ashlee Simpson’s past history of naming children. And I’m pleased to announce that yes, Ashlee and Evan brought eight layers of baby name nonsense to their baby’s birth certificate.

UsWeekly says that Ashlee announced the name of Diana Ross’ newest grandbaby on Instagram yesterday. Wait, on Instagram? For free? Ashlee, girl, are you feeling OK? Ashlee and Evan must be huge Rolling Stones fans, because how else do you explain this:

A photo posted by @ashleesimpsonross on Jul 31, 2015 at 8:14pm PDT

Jagger Snow Ross. I…am not sure. For one thing, poor Jagger is in for a lifetime of “Jagger? I hardly know ‘er!” jokes. Secondly, that middle name is going to require a lot of explanation. Is it Snow because it snowing on the day she was born? No, because she was born in July. Is it Snow because Evan wanted to pay tribute to the man responsible for “Informer“? No, because that would be an instant trigger for neurologists everywhere to call up Ashlee Simpson and inform her that her husband has clearly lost his damn mind.

Maybe it’s because I’m from Canada, but Jagger, Snow, & Ross totally sounds like a personal injury lawyer who specializes in snowmobile accidents. “Side-swiped a moose? Ran over a hidden mailbox? Call Jagger, Snow, & Ross at 1-888-SORRY-EH.”

Pic: Wenn.com

Ashlee Simpson Gave Birth To Diana Ross’ Newest Grandchild

The Simpson and Ross families are now bound together forever. This is the world we live in.

Ashlee Simpson must have been doing her latest pregnancy the Jessica Simpson way, because it felt like that baby was holed up in her womb for years. People says that baby finally decided to come out yesterday and remind Ashlee Simpson what her born nose looked like. Ashlee and her husband of almost a year Evan Ross (government name: Evan Olav Næss) are now parents to a baby girl. This baby is Ashlee’s second, Evan Ross’ first and Miss Ross’ third grandchild. There aren’t many details (and I know that gave you the frowns since you truly care about Ashlee Simpson’s life), but a source did tell People* that Ashlee was suffering from a case of acid-reflux, so she had to lip-synch all her screams and moans during labor.

We don’t know the baby’s name, because I’m sure Ashlee hasn’t found a tabloid who will pay for that news yet.

As all of us who keep up with fucked-up celebrity child names know, Ashlee and Pete Wentz named their now 6-year-old son Bronx Mowgli Wentz (BMW). So I hope Ashlee keeps with the whole “NYC borough, Rudyard Kipling character” theme by naming their daughter Queens Rikki-Tikki Ross.

Here’s Ashlee and Evan at Bed, Bath and Beyond a few days ago.

Pics: Wenn.com

* That’s a lie.

And Now Diana Ross Will Be Tied To The Simpson Family FOREVER

It’s a week before Christmas and I’m sure you have a lot of crap to do, so don’t bruise your brain while trying to figure out what these three are wearing.

Ashlee Simpson and her pretty-faced husband of 3 months Evan Ross aren’t wasting any time. E! News says that the “singer” turned reality TV trick turned Melrose Place 2.0 “actress” turned (insert whatever she’s doing now because I have no clue) is knocked up with her second kid and Evan Ross’ first kid. Evan and Ashlee’s baby friend will be Diana Ross’ third grandchild. E! didn’t have any other info other than that and some words about children that Evan spilled into their ears at The Hunger Games: Mockingjay – Part 1 premiere last month.

“I would like [having kids],” he said. “As many as possible!”

Ross added, “I got married, I have new music and I’m part of Hunger Games. It’s been a great year.” And to think, 2015 looks to be even more of a life-changer.

Bronx Mowgli, Asslee’s kid with Pete Wentz, is already 6 years old. I don’t think she’ll go with the NYC borough + Jungle Book character route when naming her second kid. She’ll probably go the L.A. neighborhood + Lion King character route. They’re going to name their kid Echo Park Zazu.

That kid will probably inherit Diana Ross’ fabulous gene and its mother’s impeccable lip-synching skills. That kid will win season 25 of RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m calling it now.

And here’s Evan and Ashlee at the farmer’s market in Studio City a few days ago.

Pics: Splash