Elisabeth Moss Says Her Marriage To Fred Armisen Was “Traumatic”

When Mad Men’s Elisabeth Moss married SNL’s Fred Armisen, it seemed like such a weird random pairing that raised my eyebrows so high they eventually receded to the back of my head, where they stayed until the two got divorced and Elisabeth started spitting some hot truth about her ex-husband (at which point my eyebrows returned to sit comfortably above my eyes and relax in the shade she was throwing). And in an interview with New York Magazine, Elisabeth is back at it, serving as a cautionary tale of dickmatization gone wrong:

“Looking back, I feel like I was really young, and at the time I didn’t think that I was that young,” Moss says. “It was extremely traumatic and awful and horrible. At the same time, it turned out for the best. I’m glad that I’m not there. I’m glad that it didn’t happen when I was 50. I’m glad I didn’t have kids. And I got that out of the way. Hopefully. Like, that’s probably not going to happen again.”

Elisabeth was introduced to Fred Armisen by Jon Hamm after he hosted SNL, so here’s hoping Jon felt a teeny-tiny bit of guilt for playing Shitty Matchmaker (“Did someone say shitty matchmaker?” – Patti Stanger) and sent the Hammaconda to comfort Elisabeth in her time of need. Forget therapy dogs, nothing can turn a frown upside-down and make you forget about a terrible ex like Jon Hamm’s giant lap-gopher.

And here’s more of Elisabeth in New York Magazine looking like the sluttiest senior picture at the Sears Portrait Studio by popping her $cientolo-side boob in a pair of denim overalls. And for those of you looking at Elisabeth flashing the goods from her hotel window and saying “Peggy would NEVER”, she so would.

Someone Finally Flipped Off That Stupid Ass ManiCam

Every time Giuliana Rancic, who tonight did herself up like the First Lady of the ant hill, asks some celebrity to walk their nails down the ManiCam, I always pray that one of them will punch it or something. The ManiCam is the dumbest shit invented. Elisabeth Moss heard all of our prayers tonight by flipping it off. I alway side-eye Elisabeth Moss for being a Scientologist, but I am giving her the slow clap for this. It had to be done!

via Tumblr

Yeah, We’re All Looking For The Same Thing Right Now

You are not among the living if you don’t immediately start searching for any signs of the Hamm steak as soon as you see a picture of its owner Jon Hamm. It’s a natural reaction. Just like knuckling yourself in the eyeball is a natural reaction to seeing the name “Kardashian.” You just knuckled yourself in the eyeball, right? If only you could put the Hamm steak on it to stop the swelling.

The cock-blocking executives at AMC must’ve told Jon Hamm to shove his crotch beast in a bowl of ice before sticking it between his ass cheeks and holding it down with metal chains, because it did not make a grand appearance at last night’s season 6 premiere of Mad Men. Those bitches at AMC just don’t appreciate what they have, because they should’ve rolled out the red carpet for Jon Hamm’s big dick. Hell, they should’ve rolled Jon Hamm’s big dick out and used it as the red carpet.

Except for the little girl, mostly everybody looked like hell last night. Christina Hendricks covered up her magnificent chichis and dressed like an 85-year-old Italian widow. January Jones looked like a sad Popsicle. And Vincent Kartheiser’s guinea pig comb over is just dreadful. I’m assuming that they all looked like shit on purpose, because they wanted all of the attention to go to the true star of the show, the Hammaconda. And it didn’t even show up. It’s a sad day for us all and AMC can eat some cold ass in hell for that.

Anyway, here’s a few pictures from last night’s Hammaconda-less Mad Men premiere party. In order: Jon Hamm with Jennifer Westfeldt, John Slattery, Vincent Kartheiser, Kiernan Shipka, Alison Brie, Christina Hendricks, January Jones, Jessica Pare, Teyonah Parris and Ben Feldman.

Presenting NaNa NeNe

The Real Housewives of Atlanta’s NeNe Leakes was just strolling along through the life one day when she ran into her son Bryson’s girlfriend, Ashley Hill, who looked like she either had a case of the BABIES!!! or a case of the fats. The two shared a touching moment together and NeNe then heard the words that every mother longs to hear from someone other than their own kid: “You’re going to be a grandma, bitch.”

When 44-year-old NeNe told Ashley that it looked someone was living up in there, Ashley admitted to being over 6 months knocked up and asked her if Bryson told her. NeNe was farting up shit bombs of anger at first, because she didn’t think her practically unemployed 22-year-old son was ready to be a father. But she changed her mind as soon as she realized all the extra money she came make from whoring out her granddaughter in tabloids  her granddaughter Bri’asia (no comment on that name) was born. NeNe said this to InTouch:

“I always wanted to have a girl and now I have one! She’s just adorable.

I paid for everything in the nursery: the clothing, the diapers. I don’t want her to feel strapped. [I’ve gone] crazy buying gifts for the baby, including little dresses, sparkly headbands, and Gucci shoes … We just love her,”

We get it, NaNa Nene, you have that TRUMP check, you’re rich, bitch, etc… I guess NeNe really is proud of throwing all that money at her granddaughter, because she’s holding Bri’asia like that baby is a trophy, a bag of money or a limited-edition Marie Osmond doll. That is the “Behold, My Adorable Little ATM Machine” pose from the Kardashian pose book.

And here’s some pictures of Elisabeth Moss at the NYC premiere of “For A Good Time, Call…” last night. I know Elisabeth Moss has nothing to do with this story, but she and NeNe both have Draco Malfoy hair, so I thought it was fitting.