Brooke Mueller Called The Cops On Denise Richards. Happy Thanksgiving! (UPDATE)

A couple of weeks ago, Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller’s twin boys, Bob and Max, were taken out of Denise Richards’ house and placed with Brooke’s brother Scott. Scott lives far away and Brooke didn’t want to pull the twins out of their school, so he moved into her house with the boys. Denise probably let out an exhale of relief, because she was done with Brooke’s crazy, cracked-out ass and the twins were no longer around to slowly murder her animals and daughters. But just when Denise was starting to think it was going to be a quiet Thanksgiving, the cops knocked on her door and told her that Brooke accused her of abusing the twins and her own daughters. What a wonderful Thanksgiving gift!

TMZ says that last night, cops showed up to Denise’s house and told her they needed to question her about abuse claims made against her. Denise told the cops that Brooke is being “vindictive” and the claims are “ridiculous.” Denise also told the cops that she hasn’t seen the boys in 2 weeks, so it’s funny that Brooke is screaming “ABUSE!” now. Brooke also hasn’t had any contact with Denise’s daughters. If anything comes from Brooke’s accusation, Denise’s daughters will have to be interviewed.

The Department of Children and Family Services is already handling an abuse claim between Brooke and Denise. When Denise still had temporary custody of the twins, she noticed a welt on one of the boys’ faces when he came back from spending the weekend with Brooke. Brooke apparently told CPS that she thinks he got the welt while he was at Denise’s house.

So I guess this means that Brooke and the crack pipe are one again? Denise Richards abusing kids? Ridiculous. Pepaw Irv would never let her get away with that. Wait, unless Denise Richards committed one of the most horrific forms of abuse by making her children and the twins watch her performance as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World is Not Enough. If that’s the abuse Brooke is talking about, then throw that child-abusing Denise in the clink!

UPDATE: E! says that Brooke’s boys told her that Denise Richards didn’t hit their asses, someone “associated” with Denise did. That person allegedly hit the twins on the head and back. The person also hit Denise’s girls, allegedly. Please don’t let it be Pepaw Irv, please don’t let it be Pepaw Irv.

Brooke Mueller’s Twins Are Moving Back Into Her House

And there’s nine words that’ll mess up a CPS officer’s weekend and make them call their family to say, “You probably won’t be hearing from me for a while. I haven’t been kidnapped, it’s just that Brooke Mueller’s kids are living with her again. Yeah.”

Yesterday, it was reported that the head bitches at The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services were trying to convince Denise Richards to keep Charlie Sheen’s twins, Bob and Max, for just a few more weeks. Denise’s errrrr-ed at their request, because 4-year-old Bob and Max have been terrorizing her dogs and her daughters and she doesn’t know how much more she can take. Well, Denise’s dogs have been saved from getting choked out by a child, because TMZ says that a judge has moved temporary guardianship of the twins from Denise Richards to Brooke’s brother Scott Mueller. Scott lives far away from Brooke and the judge doesn’t want to rip the boys out of their school, so the judge agreed to let him and the boys move in with Brooke. “What a WONDERFUL idea,” said only Brooke and her dealer since she’s going to get that child support money now.

DCFS’ definition of “slow” is different than everyone else’s definition of “slow,” because during their mediation with Denise and Brooke yesterday they said that the plan is to sloooooooowly reintroduce the twins into Brooke’s life before she gets full custody again. And now they’re moving back in. SLOW! So the judge had two options:

1. Let Scott Mueller move the twins into his house and put them in a different school, which might not be the worst idea since they allegedly slapped down their teacher.

or

2. Let Max and Bob move back in with one of the parents who is responsible for drowning their childhood in a pipe full of dirty crack pipe water and will probably continue to fuck their lives all the way up.

A smart choice by that judge!

I’m just going to say the same exact thing I said when I got on a flight from L.A. to NYC and realized that the three large coffees with extra cream I just downed were starting to turn my asshole into the most terrifying volcano ever: This really isn’t going to end well for everybody involved.

And Charlie responded to the judge’s ruling by saying this:

“This pig circus overflowing with buffoons, sycophants and heretics cannot be trusted to safely raise a colony of ferrets. Brooke will fail and her brother [who lives by the beach] will be selling his ass under a pier and the evil nanny will die from ugly. When, not if, this psychotic and desperately irresponsible sham goes sideways, DCFS will burn to the ground, topped off with the smoldering robe of the judge.”

That’s some “if Shakespeare was a crackhead” shit.

Brooke Mueller Will Get Custody Of Her Twins In A Few Weeks

Both TMZ and Radar report that Brooke Mueller and Denise Richards were in court today to try to work out the sad, messy, Lifetime movie situation that is the custody of Brooke and Charlie’s 4-year-old twins, Bob and Max. The emergency hearing was called after Denise wrote a long letter to the Los Angeles County of Department of Children and Family Services saying that she can no longer take care of the boys, because she never knows when they’ll transform into a zombie-state and try to murder her dogs and beat her daughters. Denise told Child Services that she wanted to take the boys to see a psychologist, but Brooke wouldn’t let her. So Brooke and Denise sat down together to talk it out. Charlie Sheen was invited, but he didn’t show up. You would know if he did, because you would’ve heard about the SWAT Team being called to a court house in L.A. after a dehydrated warlock brought a grenade cake into the building.

TMZ and Radar must’ve had two different flies clinging to the wall in that room, because they have two different stories. TMZ says that it was pretty calm between Brooke and Denise. Dr. Charles Sophy, the medical director of Children and Family Services, mediated the session for four long hours. They were all certified as Captain Obviouses, because they all agree that Bob and Max’s childhood is fucked up from all the drama. Dr. Sophy wants Denise to keep custody of Bob and Max, but told her that it won’t be forever. He wants the twins to go back to Brooke once she’s in the right place and is strong enough to handle them. Brooke currently sees them a couple of times a week and she swears she’s off the bad shit. Charlie isn’t an option for custody. Denise is afraid that Bob and Max will continue to hurt her daughters and she’s pissed that Brooke is stopping her from taking them to see a shrink.

Radar says that shit was far from calm in the room. Brooke came for Denise, because she thinks Denise is trying to make her look like a shit mom. (You tell her, Brooke! How dare Denise make you look like a shit mom. You can do that by yourself, thankyouverymuch!) Radar’s source said:

“Denise told the head honchos of of DCFS she just wanted a smooth transition of the twins back to their mother, Brooke Mueller. Officials were extremely impressed with Denise and her genuine concern and love for the boys. However, Brooke was extremely combative and lashed out at Denise. It came out of nowhere and was extremely inappropriate. It was probably the first time DCFS saw cracks in Brooke’s previously cool demeanor. Brooke was having a temper tantrum because she felt Denise was making her look like a bad mother. Nothing was accomplished at the meeting, except for Denise maintaing that it was time for the boys to leave her house, but she wants it done with the help of the department so all of the kids have closure.”

The source also said that Dr. Sophy wants Denise to take care of the boys for three more weeks and then Brooke will take them.

GOING BACK TO BROOKE?!

Reason #1 for why I am not a social worker: If I was the social worker who had to pick up those kids from Denise’s house and drive them over to Brooke’s to stay with that mess permanently, I’d take a “wrong turn” and end up at the bus station. I’d give those boys an envelope full of money and tell them to take the next bus out of town and never ever look back. I’d also give them an iPod full of Journey’s greatest hits, because that shit’s some good traveling music.

So, It Looks Like Things Between Charlie Sheen And Brooke Mueller Are Going Well

TMZ had a lovely and uplifting (read: the opposite of that shit) story this morning about how Denise Richards told The Los Angeles County Department of Children and Family Services that she can no longer take care of Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller’s 4-year-old twins, Bob and Max, because the boys kick her dogs in the head (Side note: Yes, I went and listened to “You Kicked My Dog” right after reading that), tell her they want to kill her dogs, beat on her daughters and have slapped a teacher at school. The twins are a nightmare come to life and Denise blames it all on Brooke. CPS also has pictures of Bob with a red welt on the side of his face and it apparently showed up after he spent the weekend with Brooke and Brooke’s mom. In case you’re still not sure why the boys of a cracked out, insane warlock with burnt anus lips for brains and a crackhead mess would act like that, here’s another reason why.

Just a day after a judge refused to give Brooke a restraining order against Charlie, he wished the mother of his twin boys a really belated birthday (her birthday’s in August, but he’s on crackhead time so…) by tweeting a picture of a grenade on top of some nasty looking dry ass cake with this touching note:

Yes, celebrate the victory of Brooke not getting a restraining order against you by telling her ass to die. What’s the opposite of winning again? And why does Charlie Sheen act like sucking off an entire Home Depot parking lot is a bad thing?

So, Bob and Max have these two ass warts for parents and now Denise Richards doesn’t want to take care of them anymore. Is Sister Kate’s orphanage still open, because she might be their only hope.

Pimpin At The Pumpkin Patch

The pumpkin patch kick-off isn’t official until the goddess of Dlisted Phoebe Price shows up, but until then we can make due with these pics of Charlie Sheen and his ex Denise Richards serving up some fall goodness.  TMZ has an exclusive on their outing, which included the two sons of Brooke Mueller that Denise somehow has custody of forever until Brooke gets her shit together and Denise’s adopted daughter Eloise.

On the one hand, the idea of it is sweet, but looking through the pics I see lots of “fml” faces from Denise and a couple of boys who can’t decide whether to run to or run from their daddy.  I kid, this is probably the most wholesome thing they’ve done with Charlie since making ho-made crack brownies for the ho-meless (aka The Goddesses).

I can’t believe that Denise turned out to be the mom of the century in all this mess, and I hate life for making me respect her.  But there she is, with 3 kids that aren’t biologically hers, and they all look happy and healthy.  If she’s Catholic, surely she is up for some sort of sainthood in the future.  Charlie looks like a Benjamin Buttons frat boy so basically all is normal in the world.

You can go over to TMZ to see all the pics if you’re that bored on a Sunday morning.

Denise Richards Keeps Temporary Custody Of Brooke Mueller’s Twins

Earlier today, I wrote about how Brooke Mueller sent her lawyers to court to try to take temporary custody of her twin boys from Denise Richards and give it to her brother in Orange County. Charlie Sheen wanted Denise Richards to keep temporary custody of his kids and his lawyers argued that Brooke was only after the $55,000 a month in child support. A MESS! And when Charlie Sheen, whose brain is a pile of coke mush, comes out as a voice of reason, you know shit is a real mess.

Well, they all argued in front of a judge today and the judge told Brooke’s lawyers the same thing an ATM told me when I tried to get $120 out of it the other day: “DENIED!” The judge basically told Brooke’s lawyers that knitting a peen cozy out of their own pubes would’ve been a better use of their time than coming into court to ask for some dumb shit. A source told Radar:

“[The judge] flatly denied Mueller’s request to to have Denise stripped of temporary custody, and placed in the care of her brother in Orange County. There was absolutely no reason that could justify the move, which would only uproot the twins yet again

Brooke’s claims that Denise was only taking care of the boys for financial gain fell flat because the actress signed a sworn declaration that she had refused money from Charlie. Denise’s declaration also went on to say that she didn’t want any money EVER for her care of the boys.

Brooke just doesn’t seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation involving custody of the boys. She is used to just snapping her fingers, and having her lawyers work their magic, and make the problem go away. This isn’t being heard in family court, the fact it’s in child dependency court because of her actions is extremely serious. She should stop wasting the courts resources and focus on what is best for the boys, and not her self-interest.”

And after Brooke told her rehab mate at Betty Ford, Lindsay Lohan, about this, LiLo’s mind boggled around for a few seconds before she said, “The judge denied you? They can do that?“