The “Friends” Reunion (That Wasn’t Really A Reunion) Happened Last Night

When it was rumored that the entire cast of Friends was going to reunite, people who watched all of that shit religiously had the same reaction I would have if an It’s A Living reunion was announced. They squirted out a foamy stream of excitement. But it turns out it wasn’t really a reunion. They just sat at the same table and said words together at NBC’s tribute to James Burrows which taped in L.A. last night. Johnny Galecki, who dressed up like a snobby French gallery owner, posted a picture on Instagram of the cast of Friends with the cast of The Big Bang Theory. Matthew Perry isn’t in the picture because even he doesn’t want to be seen with Kaley Cuoco. No, Chandler’s in London doing some play, so he couldn’t make it.

Never mind that Courteney Cox’s transformation into the plastic baby of Pete Burns and Michael Jackson is almost complete, I don’t think I ever really noticed how much of a hot silver top daddy Matt LeBlanc is now. And seeing him behind Jim Parsons and David Schwimmer is giving me Joey/Ross/Sheldon gay spit roast fantasies.

Pic: Instagram

The Official Trailer For “American Crime Story” Is Here

FX’s promo schedule for Ryan Murphy’s latest camp extravaganza American Crime Story: The People v. O.J. Simpson has felt as long as that white Bronco chase on the freeway. For weeks, they’ve released teaser trailers and promo pictures, and today they finally put out the official trailer and it looks like it’s going to be a beautiful disaster. It’s pretty much looks like O.J. Simpson: The Telenovela.

The trailer has John Travolta looking like a barbecued Raisinet as Robert Shapiro, Cheryl Ladd delivering a world-class eyebrow situation as Robert Shapiro’s wife, Sarah Paulson doing her signature Sarah Paulson cry with two brown mops on her head, Cuba Gooding Jr. sounding like he needs four bags of throat lozenges, Selma Blair gossiping at Nicole Brown’s funeral as Pimp Mama Kris and David Schwimmer bawling in a car as Robert Kardashian. (He’s probably bawling in the car because he realizes he’s defending a demon and is married to a demon too). And there’s also Connie Britton as the morally corrupt Faye Resnick:

That’s pretty much just Connie Britton wearing a lipstick color that only existed in the 90s, but I’ll take it.

And I wonder who is playing the pivotal role of the jury forewoman who fucked up Orenthal James Simpson’s name while reading the verdict? Every time I see the name “O.J. Simpson,” I always read it as, “Orenjal James Simpson.“

Courteney Cox Sort Of Hints That David Schwimmer Might Be The Reason Why There Hasn’t Been A Friends Reunion

Fucking Ross! Of course it would be his fault. It’s always Ross’ fault. During a recent interview with Yahoo, Courteney Cox was asked whether or not there might ever be a Friends reunion. Obviously the answer to that is no, because a reunion is only a reunion if you’re able to get all the former cast members together, and that would be impossible, since Monica’s old face has been MIA for several years now. But according to Courteney, it’s a no because there’s always someone who fucks it up, and no, it’s not that adorable bumbling oaf Joey. When asked about the possibility of a reunion, Courteney said:

“Dear lord, let it go, people. We’re not doing it. It’s just not going to happen….We’ve gotten about 80% there, but there’s always one person who flakes at the end.”

She was then asked if the name of the flake was David Schwimmer, and she answered:

“You know, I’m not going to name names, but it may not be Schwimmer.”

She then looked at the camera like “It’s totally fucking Ross.” It’s always Ross!

You know what? A Friends reunion can still happen without David Schwimmer; just grab a mopey-looking potato, put it in a blue sweater, and sit it beside a monkey – there, instant Ross. The only people who really matter are Monica, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Joey’s hot slutty sister Gina, Phoebe, Ursula, the chick and the duck, Gunther, that dude who kept letting his balls hang out, and sexy DILF Jack Gellar (just me and Phoebe? Ok).

Speaking of a potato in a sweater, here’s David Schwimmer at an event with his wife and daughter last weekend. For someone who doesn’t want to do a Friends reunion, dude sure is dressed like he’s ready to drop everything and film one. Blue sweater? Check. Boot-cut jeans? Check. Ross hair? Check. Dopey “Hey Rach” face? Check.

Pics: Splash

Today In WTF: Ross Gellar Is Playing Robert Kardashian In Ryan Murphy’s OJ Miniseries

I guess the F in FX officially stands for “fuckery,” because Deadline says that David Schwimmer has been cast as Robert Kardashian in the American Horror Story spin-off series called American Crime Story, which will focus on a famous real-life crime each season. They’re doing the OJ Simpson trial for their first season, obviously. Cuba Gooding Jr. is playing OJ and Sarah Paulson is playing Marcia Clark. An OJ Simpson miniseries starring Ross from Friends and the “SHOW ME THE MOOONAY!” guy from Jerry Maguire is like something the 90s threw up. I hope this means that Kimmy Gibbler is playing Nicole Brown Simpson, Coolio is playing Johnnie Cochran, Gary Oldman as Dracula is playing Pimp Mama Kris, Kato Kaelin is playing Kato Kaelin and the morally corrupt Faye Resnick is playing the morally corrupt Faye Resnick.

Here’s the release about this messy shit from FX:

David Schwimmer is set to star in the project based on the book The Run of His Life: The People v. O.J. Simpson. The miniseries takes a look at the O.J. Simpson trial told from the perspective of the lawyers that explores the chaotic behind-the-scenes dealings and maneuvering on both sides of the court, and how a combination of prosecution confidence, defense wiliness, and the LAPD’s history with the city’s African-American community gave a jury what it needed: reasonable doubt. Schwimmer will play O.J. Simpson’s confidant and attorney Robert Kardashian, starring opposite Cuba Gooding Jr. as Simpson and Sarah Paulson as prosecutor Marcia Clark

I don’t think anybody has been asking for an OJ Simpson miniseries, but this has all the makings of a beautiful disaster, so I’m here for it. Since they cast Ross Gellar, they should also ask Marcel. Don’t even say that Marcel should play Khloe or Kris. Don’t do that to Marcel.

David Schwimmer Spent His Memorial Day Helping The NYPD Solve A Crime

While Jennifer Aniston was in a hot tub in Cabo with two goon bags of Failing Liver™ pinot greege and Courtney Cox was getting the #2 special (Botox drizzled with Juvederm) at a “dermatologists office” in Beverly Hills, David Schwimmer was slipping on an Olivia Benson wig to spend his Memorial Day busting perps with the NYPD. Law & Order: Special Ross Gellar Unit!

But before you go getting the image of David Schwimmer fighting some hard sexual tension with Detective Elliot Stabler and his bubble butt of justice, it wasn’t exactly as dramatic as an episode of Law & Order: SVU. Well, the first part actually is: according to the New York Post, an altercation between a john and a trans prostitute broke out in the hallway of an apartment building around 6am on Monday morning because the john refused to pay. The fight ended with the prostitute whipping out a knife and shanking a bitch, as well as stealing a computer. The only way this could have been more SVU would be if the two were fighting in Central Park and it was broken up by Ice-T and Richard Belzer.

Now here’s where Ross from Friends comes in. When David Schwimmer bought his home back in 2010, he completely remodelled the whole thing and installed a ton of security cameras. So when the NYPD showed up to investigate the assault and robbery, Ross from Friends invited the cops into his home, where he sat them down with popcorn to view the footage of the assault, as well as sending them home with copies of the surveillance footage and Run Fatboy Run. No, he just gave them the security camera footage. But seriously, how happy do you think he was that someone actually wanted a copy of something he filmed?

Pic: Wenn