Chris Pine Was Busted For DUI In New Zealand

Because I’m a dum-dum who’s only real knowledge of New Zealand starts and ends with Lord of the Rings, I immediately imagined Chris Pine getting pulled over by Frodo and Samwise in a Hobbit-sized police car and arrested after they smelled Shire beer on his breath.

Regardless of what actually happened, that’s what I’m choosing to believe. But for those of you who want the non-nerd version of what went down with Captain Kirk, here’s whats up. According to Radar, Chris Pine had recently wrapped filming in New Zealand on the film Z for Zachariah and was seen getting buzzed on good-time juice at a local bar till about 2:30am. Then Pine left the bar and was arrested on suspicion of driving drunk, which was confirmed when he blew over the legal limit of .08 percent. Damn Chris, you couldn’t leave your car at the bar and ride a sheep back to your hotel instead?

However – and here’s where the story actually gets better than imagining Frodo Baggins, PD – New Zealand police didn’t identify Chris Pine by name; they only referred to Chris Pine as a ’33-year-old American man’. Which America? There’s a north and a south. But I’m willing to give them a pass, since my dumb ass once referred to the movies I watched growing up as “American movies” (because I have maple syrup instead of blood running through my veins, and apparently a pile of snow where my brain should be).

(Pic: Splash)

Pure Glamour: Christine Baranski As Cinderella’s Evil Stepmother In Into The Woods

Here’s Christine Baranski with a fluffy cloud of luscious wig hair (it kind of looks like Nancy Reagan’s 80s hair on steroids) on her head while walking to the set of Into the Woods at Dover Castle in Dover, Kent, England today. This is the look from the top to the bottom and I expect that in the Into the Woods movie, the Prince drops that bland, boring, Caulifloweresque Cinderella and tries to get with this tall goblet full of glamour.

And today, disappointment IS Googling “gay ren faire porn” after seeing Chris Pine in costume and coming up empty in more ways than one.

Pics: FameFlynet, Splash

Jakey Gyllenhaal And Chris Pine Will Make Beautiful Music Together, Maybe…

The Into the Woods movie is happening and right now director Rob Marshall is looking for actors to join Meryl Streep (as the Witch), Johnny Depp (as the Wolf) and James Corden of Gavin & Stacey (as the Baker). The Hollywood Reporter says that beard aficionados Jake Gyllenhaal and Chris Pine got in front of Rob Marshall and auditioned for Cinderella’s Prince and Rapunzel’s Prince. In the stage production, the same actor plays Cinderella’s Prince and the Wolf, but I guess they’re splitting that shit up in the movie.

THR says that they haven’t put contracts in front of Jakey or Zachary Quinto’s partner in giggling just yet, but the two sang in front of Rob Marshall and deals will be thrown at them any day now. THR describes the roles of the Princes as “brothers who are pompous and self-absorbed.” Cinderella and Rapunzel are the fairy tale world’s premiere beards, so I approve of this casting decision.

Your ass might be wondering if Chris Pine and/or Jakey can even sing. Does it even matter? Russell Crowe’s singing voice sounds like a bear farting into a fan and they gave him a lead role in a movie musical. A deaf seal with severe laryngitis can probably sing better than Pierce Brosnan can and he also got paid to sing in a movie musical. Hollywood don’t care! But you can judge for yourself if you want. Here’s a clip of Jakey singing and a clip of Chris Pine singing.

Since Rob Marshall is obviously making a few changes to Into the Woods for the movie, he should add more layers to the Princes. The Witch should cast a spell on the Princes, making them allergic to wearing clothes and the only time they’re able to sing is when they sing into each other’s butts. It’s what the audience (aka probably only me) wants and The Brothers Grimm would totally approve of these changes!

And here’s Chris Pine at last night’s L.A. premiere of Star Trek: Into Darkness with some other tricks including Alice Eve, Zachary Quinto, the extremely androgynous Zoe Saldana (wearing a bedazzled shredded condom) and John Cho.

Reese Witherspoon Has It Hard

While you were making a paper clip necklace under fluorescent lights in your office cubicle yesterday, Reese Witherspoon was getting tied up with rope by Tom Hardy (grabbing onto his giant gun) and Chris Pine on the set of their movie This Means War in Vancouver. WHAT A WASTE. Think of all the nasty dirty filthy thoughts that could been produced from this moment. But no, that didn’t happen. Reese has a miniature Pollyanna mouse sitting at a tiny desk in her brain who types out all of her G-rated thoughts, so there’s no way she orgasmed in the brains about being the meat in a Hardy/Pine peenini.

She’s probably thinking to herself: “Hmmm. I wonder if I took that chicken out of the freezer drawer for dinner. Hmmm….” or “I should really ask the handyman to re-grout the tile in the downstairs powder room” or “Oh, look at that pretty bird sitting on that dainty tree branch. The inspiration for my next tea kettle cozy project has been found! Can’t wait for knitting circle on Saturday night!” Some bitches….