QOTD: Benedict Cumberbatch’s Fantasy Threesome With Matt Smith And Tom Hiddleston

To promote that WikiLeaks movie The Fifth Estate, Bendadick Cumsinasses did a Reddit AMA today. I don’t think anybody asked Benadryl Cucumberpatch when he’s going to shed his human skin and reveal himself as a reptilian king who has come to Earth to capture us all and take us back to his home planet where we’ll become food to his kind. But somebody did ask him this:

Do you, Matt Smith, and Tom Hiddleston have cheek bone polishing parties?

A flood of nerd panty pudding drowned Tumblr after he answered with this:

We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet.

And as you can tell from that fan art above, the Internet has already worked that image over. I haven’t checked yet, but I’m pretty sure the thought of Dr. Who, Sherlock and Loki lubing each other’s cheekbones has broken Tumblr forever. RIP Tumblr!

Here’s Bennigan Comboverhatch outside of GMA in NYC today.

Bottom Pics: Splash Top Pic: Buzzfeed

Brad Pitt May Get An Oscar Next Year

The Oscars are a million months away, but Brad Pitt has already started Googling the question “What is the easiest way to turn an  Oscar statue into a bong?” because everyone’s saying that he could have his fingers around one next year. No, he’s not going to get one for acting. Are you bitches crazy? Brad Pitt is one of the producers of 12 Years A Slave (not to be confused with the title of Bruce Jenner’s upcoming memoirs, 22 Years A Slave), which everyone is freaking out about. Audiences threw Oscar statues at it when it screened at the Telluride Film Festival last week, and it got a standing ovation at the Toronto International Film Festival last night. Vulture and others think that it will win Best Picture and if it does Brad will finally get his Oscar bong!

In 12 Years A Slave, Chiwetel Ejiofor plays a free man who is kidnapped in DC and sold as a slave to a real vicious cuntbag of a Louisiana plantation owner played by Michael Fassbender. Director Steve McQueen, who also directed Shame, directs a cast that also includes Bendadick Cumsinbatches, Brad Pitt, Alfre Woodard, Paul Dano, Paul Giamatti, Sarah Paulson, Lupita Nyong’o and Quvenzhané Wallis. They’re saying Oscar noms will go to Steve McQueen for Best Director, Chiwetel for Best Actor and Michael Assbender for Best Supporting Actor. Here’s the trailer:

And here’s the cast at the Toronto International Film Festival last night. Brad is giving me shades of current day Val Kilmer, but at least he shaved that wolfey butt bush off his face.

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com

Benedict Cumberbatch Married His Gay Friends In Ibiza

Tumblr’s sweetheart and the humanized eel in a curly wig Bendadick Cumsinbatches wasn’t at Comic-Con over the weekend, because he was in Ibiza sentencing his two friends to a lifetime of being together. Benedict got ordained (aka filled out a form on the Universal Life Church Monastery’s website) and officiated the wedding of his friends Seth Cummings and Rob Rinder. Before he married the two, Benedict offered his services to everyone:

“It’s a very private, lovely thing to be asked to do. Of course I’m going to make a joke after it if it goes well — ‘I do weddings. Next will be children’s parties and bat mitzvahs’. It’s a mainly Jewish and gay audience so hopefully they will be lenient towards me.”

A friend of the couple shared some pictures of their wedding on Facebook and am I drunk or does Benedict’s torso look like the face of an indifferent salmon? And getting married on a cliff is not only pretty, but it’s smart too. The piece you’re marrying won’t try to back out at the last second, because if they do, you can push their ass.

via Queerty

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Benedict Cumberbatch In Jorts

Or are those jean capris (JAPRIS)?

Here’s Bendadick Cumsinbatches giving us the “otter making the Scream” face while posing next to a race car driver (in one of Daft Punk’s summer ensembles) in a promo pic for tonight’s Top Gear. I don’t know why, but so many of you hos ask me to post more about Benadryl Cucumberpatch. True story. One time, I was eating an English muffin, salami and extra mayonnaise sandwich (because I’m gourmet like that) and a reader emailed me to ask me to please post more about Benefiber Cummerbund, because she said he makes her muffin cream. Just as I read that, I squeezed the two English muffins and out trickled mayonnaise. Every time I eat an English muffin and mayo sandwich (which is all the time obviously), I think of a muffin creaming over Betadine Comboversnatch.

So here’s BC doing the Daisy Duck lift while wearing my mom’s favorite grocery shopping ensemble. May the muffins cream as I eat my English muffin and mayo sandwich.

via Buzzfeed

QOTD: Benedict Cumberbatch Was A Church Flasher

So, Bendadick Cumsbitches supposedly said this to The Mirror (I know, I know) about his childhood vacation to Greece:

“I used to expose myself in front of religious places.”

CHECK PLEASE! And he goes on:

“I was a very hot, bored boy and was surrounded by people who were older than me who were goading me. So when they got bored or the football went through a stain-glassed window – not to be returned – they’d always get me to do pranks. So one day they said, ‘Go on, go on, go on. Pull your pants down!’ Of course I did. I obliged willingly, no pun intended.”

And now the Catholic Church is going to use all of their donation money to build a time machine so they can go back to the past and invite Beneful Cummerbunds to play football at Vatican City.

Presenting Benedict Cumberbatch’s Wet Nipples…

In Star Trek: Into Darkness, there’s a scene where Alice Eve is in her bra and chonies for basically no reason (correction: she’s in her bra and chonies to give the fanboys and fanlezzies something to fap to) and J.J. Abrams got a little hate for it. So on Conan tonight, J.J. explained himself a bit and then he showed a deleted scene of Benadryl Cumsinbatches in the shower.

Thousands of Cumberbitches are going to call in sick, because it’s kind of hard to go to work when your ovary eggs keep exploding out of your vagine. I know, he’s supposed to look all evil in that shower, but to me, he looks like he’s either concentrating really hard while sexing himself or he’s drunk and trying to pee. We’ve all been there.