Kourtney Kardashian Announces She’s Pregnant With Her First Baby With Travis Barker

The cackles from Satan were extra loud around Los Angeles yesterday because a member of the Koven, Kourtney Kardashian, announced another Kardashian spawn will soon be upon us. During Blink-182’s show at the BMO Stadium last night, 44-year-old Kourtney Kardashian announced that she’s pregnant with 47-year-old Travis Barker’s baby by holding up a sign in the audience that read, “Travis I’m Pregnant.” Say what you want about the Kartrashians (and we do ), but IN THIS ECONOMY and IN THIS JOB MARKET, they are keeping the nanny industry alive! So this is excellent news for nannies who need a job and also have the patience to stand there as it takes Kourtney forty-five minutes to drool out the words, “Don’t… feed… them… su… gar.”

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Night Crumbs

Despite The Flash being called one of the best superhero movies ever made, it’s gotten mixed reviews, and it’s not exactly lighting up the box office. It made $9 million on Thursday, and the trades are guessing it will bring in around $70 million this weekend. But since it had a budget of about $220 million, it reportedly needs to make at least $550 million worldwide to break even. Well, if Warner Bros. is worried, there’s one easy way to fix this shit. Since many nerd nipples got hard over the fact that Michael Keaton as Batman is in this, I say just quickly CGI out Ezra Miller and leave only the Batman parts. They can re-title it The Flash Without The Trash. Instant mega box office hit! – Variety

It took 21 years for soap opera icon queen Susan Lucci to win her first Daytime Emmy. Well, it’s taken even longer for La Lucci to get her second Daytime Emmy, but she’s finally getting one in the form of a Lifetime Achievement Award  – TVLine

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Birthday Sluts

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Just a minute ago, we all learned that Al Pacino’s 83-year-old fetus-making parts still got it, and he hoo-ah’d a baby up into the womb of his 29-year-old girlfriend, Noor Alfallah. Well, Al Pacino’s fourth baby is here. His rep confirmed that Noor gave birth to a son they named Roman Pacino. I guess someone still isn’t over Succession ending. But seriously, when Noor’s friends defended her against the accusations that she’s a grandpa-preying gold digger, they said that she just likes old people. I hope she likes babies too. But then again, babies are kind of like old people, and I’m sure that Ole’ Al is happy too since now he’s got someone to blame his pepaw farts on – HuffPo

To further prove what a STUNT QUEEN master he is while promoting Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part 1, Tommy Cruise burped up a clip from the movie where he drives a car with one hand through the streets of London during a chase. Surprisingly, Tommy isn’t using the other hand to jack himself off since doing his own stunts makes him that horny. Tommy’s other paw was hand-cuffed to his co-star Hayley Atwell  – Lainey Gossip

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