Amber Heard Has Testified About That Now-Infamous Turd In The Bed

May 16, 2022 / Posted by:

I knew this was coming, and yet I still wasn’t prepared – like a solar eclipse, or the end of the return of the McRib. Of course, I’m talking about the mysterious turd that was once found in Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s bed. Is it human? Is it dog? It’s definitely a topic that refuses to die, regardless of how many of us would love to see that turd be metaphorically scooped and disposed of into the nearest waste receptacle, never to be heard from again. But most recently, it was spoken of by Amber Heard herself during Johnny Depp’s defamation trial.

This poop was first spoken of back in 2018 when it was allegedly the reason for Johnny and Amber’s marriage to end in divorce. It was claimed that when Johnny and Amber got into a fight during Amber’s 30th birthday party in 2016, Johnny stormed out of their home, and when his housekeeper Hilda Vargas returned the next day, Hilda found a poo in the bed. Hilda allegedly believed the poo came from a human being, but Amber claimed it was from her Yorkie, Boo, who had bowel issues. That poo was brought up during Johnny Depp’s libel trial against The Sun, where he testified that he knew he had to divorce Amber, due to his belief that either Amber herself or one of her friends defecated between the sheets. Hilda also testified, claiming that she took pictures of the bed-dwelling poo, because she was angry that someone left her fresh feces to clean up.

So we’ve long established that some believe the poo was of human origin. Now we’re back to Amber’s claim that the poo is on Boo, that poor little doggy with the #2 boundary issues and an inability to stomach human doses of weed. Amber returned from a little week-long break and testified against Johnny in court for the third time, and right away they just jump directly into testimony about that poop. via TMZ:

Amber Heard says she isn’t to blame for the poop found in Johnny Depp’s bed … instead of blaming the actor’s dog, who Heard claims was experiencing some serious bowel issues after eating weed.

Amber’s back on the stand Monday, and her defense team just brought up the infamous incident. Heard says the dog, Boo, who was a puppy at the time had gotten into Johnny’s marijuana stash. Heard says before she and her girlfriends left for Coachella, the dogs were up on the bed, and that’s when Boo crapped in the bed.

A man named Starling Jenkins worked as a driver for Johnny around the time that Amber left for Coachella, and he claims that Amber disclosed to Starling that she had been involved in a “prank gone wrong.” That definitely sounds like the beginning of a story that starts with, “So, someone decided to pop a squat and bust out a pipe clogger in our bed.” But Amber testified against Mr. Jenkins’ claim, saying that she was in the process of leaving her husband, and really didn’t feel like engaging in any Jackass-style pranks. via Vanity Fair:

“I don’t think that’s funny. I don’t know what grown woman does. I was also not in a pranking mood. My life was falling apart. I had a crossroads in my life. I was really serious and I had just been attacked on my 30th birthday by my violent husband, with whom I was desperately in love and knew I needed to leave. It was not really a jovial time. And I don’t think that’s funny, period. That’s disgusting.”

Amber spoke more of the night of her 30th birthday, and based on her testimony, there definitely wasn’t a whole lot of ha-ha-has happening that evening. via TMZ:

Amber just testified about a fight she and Depp had around her 30th bday. Saying Depp grabbed her by her pubic bone, and asked, “You wanna be tough like a man?” She says things got so bad, she had to use the couple’s safe word, “Couch” to get him to stop.”

And according to Vanity Fair, Amber also testified that she remembered the first time Johnny allegedly hit her, which Amber claims were the result of her deciding to make a joke about Johnny’s iconic Winona Ryder tattoo. So yes, an already messy trial just got messier, and no, I’m not referring to the return appearance of the 400 thread count turd.

Meanwhile, Boo the Yorkie is once again stuck in the middle of a mess involving his parents, and a deeply embarrassing one at that. And dangerous! A little Yorkie shouldn’t have ever gotten into weed meant for Johnny Depp. Even humans shouldn’t have access to weed meant for Johnny Depp. Weed for Johnny Depp should come in a tamper-proof bottle that will only open if you press down while turning the lid to the left and a voice recognition system that will only open when Johnny himself says the words, “Yo ho ho, I played Jack Sparrow in those pirate movies, please let me have some of this weed.”

Pic: INSTARimages

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