Suzanne Somers And Her Husband Get Shot Up With Peptides So They Can Sex On Each Other Twice A Day

Oh god, he’s totally poking it from behind in that pic, right? You dirty trollops, you’re at a charity event for children! Somebody turn the hose on those horny uncouth sluts!

After Suzanne Somers graciously celebrated her 73-year-old birthday by gifting us with the vision of her squatting naked in the wild on her property in Palm Springs, she told us that her husband of 42 years, 83-year-old Alan Hamel, took the pic. Well, now I also have the vision of Suzanne taking tweezers to Alan’s pepaw nalgas to pick out cactus pricks, which he got as she rode that dick on the dirt after he was overcome with horniness from seeing his wife’s naked body. Because according to Suzanne, fuck o’clock (or fuck ole’ cock) rings twice a day in their house and they have peptides to thank for that.

Suzanne is pushing her new book A New Way To Age, and so she decided to once again tell us how her Pussy Snow is getting hammered by The Hamel twice in the morning. Anyone who knows Suzanne knows that she’s all about hormone therapy and being as natural as possible. Suzanne used fermented mistletoe extract and radiation therapy instead of chemotherapy to treat her breast cancer, she claimed that a stem cell procedure led to her growing a new titty, and she used hormones to fight menopause. Also, I’m sure her fillers are made of distilled oak sap and the saliva of a Costa hummingbird. Suzanne told The Daily Mail that she and Alan also use hormones to get the whore moans in the morning. Every week, they get shot up with PT-141, a melanocortin based peptid that supposedly gives you the hornies. Just like she did in 2013, Suzanne also gave us their sex schedule because this is something we needed to know:

‘I’m kind of in that groove, like when you were younger and you’re in the mood all the time, and so is he because he’s on hormone replacements,’ she told DailyMail.com.

‘I thought, “Wow, what a great thing.” Because men have had Viagra, but this is actually a shot for both men and women that’s not a drug,’ she explained.

‘It just stimulates that part of your brain that says, “Hey, I’m kind of in the mood.” And, so, isn’t that a wonderful thing? And it’s not a drug, so I love it.’

‘I usually say I sleep through one of them. That’s usually that one at 4 o’clock in the morning,’ she joked. ‘But, you know, then again around 8 o’clock in the morning, I’m in the mood.’

Well, good for them. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to my kitchen to put a bottle of something mind-numbing next to my coffee maker. Because the last thing I want to do at 8 in the morning is furiously look for some booze after realizing that at that very second, Suzanne is hollering something extra after catching a glimpse of her idol Trump on Fox & Friends as Alan does her good.

Pic: Wenn.com