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February 2, 2015 / Posted by:

The real stars of the Super Bowl Halftime Show: THE DANCING SHARKS! 

That halftime show should’ve been called Pepsi presents THE DANCING SHARKS (featuring Missy Elliott, Lenny Kravitz, The More You Know Star, disco Battle Cat and Katy Perry), because to me that was the order from best to meh. In that picture above, Katy Perry and her Hot Dog on a Stick costume should be stomping lemonade in the back for those Dancing Sharks who are definitely working up a thirst by delivering piping hot moves.

Katy Perry’s halftime show was like a cross between a Disney parade and an elementary school drag show. It was like watching two 8-year-olds play with Barbies and Transformers on a She-Ra play set while high on acid. At times, I was into Katy Perry’s mess of a show, because it looked like every Saturday morning cartoon from the 80s took a violent shit all over the field, but at other times I decided to protect my ears and nerves by taking my ass to the toilet to empty my bladder of the 10 gallons of sweet nectar I guzzled down to get through that shit. But I was totally in that shit when the Dancing Sharks popped up on my screen. They instantly became the MVPs in everyone’s heart.

Snoop Dogg joked that he was in one of those shark plushie costumes, but it was obvious that professional dancers who trained at Juilliard were in those shark costumes and now they can put DANCING SHARK at the top of their resumes. I’m sure Jabberjaw’s twins will be announced as the new head judges of So  You Think You Can Dance and one of them will star in a remake of Dirty Dancing (which will probably end with a Dancing Shark biting off Baby’s legs, because it can’t help it. It’s a shark!).

This is what it looks like when two drunk sharks try to do the Macarena. It’s glorious and the one on the left is a real artist for taking some creative freedom by going off script and ad-libbing dance moves.

I was going to post the entire halftime show for those of you hos who didn’t see it, but why bother? The only thing you need to see are THE DANCING SHARKS! Okay, click here to see it, but just skip to the 4:30 mark for the beautiful dancing shark ballet.

Pics: Reuters, AP, Getty

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