Fun fact: The word “fabulous” came from Queen Fabiola of Belgium. It is one hundred percent true. (No, it’s not, but I like to think it is.)
The world has lost yet another royal rose. Dlisted favorite, Queen Fabiola of Belgium, spread the silver angel wings on her head and flew off to heaven today. She died in a castle. She was 86.
Queen Fabiola was born in Spain and she became the queen consort of Beligum when she married King Baudouin in 1960. She reigned as queen until his death in 1993. They didn’t have any kids, so the crown went to her brother-in-law Albert who passed the throne to his son Prince Phillippe in 2013. Reuters says that in 2009 Queen Fabiola got hit with a shitty lung infection and she never fully recovered. She had to get around in a royal carriage (aka a wheelchair). She was also recently involved in a tax SCANDAL. The Prime Minister of Belgium got pissed at her when he found out that she planned to pass on an estate to relatives living in Spain using a trust to avoid paying tax. That SCANDAL led to the Belgium government cutting state allowances to the royal family. The royal family also had to start paying taxes.
The royal palace of King Phillippe released this statement today:
“Their majesties the king and queen and members of the royal family announce with very great sadness the death of Her Majesty Queen Fabiola this evening at Stuyvenberg Castle in Brussels.”
Rest in peace, Queen Fabiola. You are now in heaven where you never have to pay taxes (that’s not confirmed) and where colored eyeshadow sprinkles from the sky.
All of Latin America is under a sea of tears today, because the iconic Chespirito has died and has reunited with Don Ramón in heaven.
Chespirito (born name: Roberto Gómez Bolaños) died of heart failure yesterday at his home in Cancun. He was 85. Chespirito was an actor, writer, producer, composer, director, philanthropist and true Mexican comedy legend who was a huge part of many childhoods. People mostly know Chespirito from the insanely popular Mexican shows El Chavo and El Chapulín Colorado, which both debuted in the 70s. Even people who didn’t watch Mexican television instantly recognize his most iconic character, the mallet-wielding superhero from El Chapulín Colorado. Matt Groening’s Bumblee Man from The Simpsons was based on that character.
The L.A. Times says that shortly after the sad news of Chespirito’s death broke a million hearts and made millions put on a black lace veil and do the slow wall slide of sadness while screaming, “aye, nooooo,” the President of Mexico released a statement about his passing.
The outpouring included condolences from well-known Latin American rock bands, actors and musicians — as well as Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto, who tweeted: “Mexico has lost an icon whose work has transcended generations and borders.”
Chespirito is survived by his 6 children, 12 grandchildren and wife of 10 years Doña Florinda from El Chavo del 8.
And the 8-year-old me who watched El Chavo from the foot of my abuelita’s bed and laughed whenever she laughed (because I didn’t know what they were saying and didn’t want to be left out) also died yesterday.
Que descanse en paz, Chespirito
Today just keeps getting worse. First the Duchess of Alba gets called up to Heaven to join the rest of the angels, and now the man who gave us Working Girl AND The Birdcage is gone. Today is a three butter tart kind of day.
ABC News has confirmed that legendary director and EGOT winner Mike Nichols passed away suddenly on Wednesday night from cardiac arrest at the age of 83. Mike Nichols (born Mikhail Igor Peschkowsky) arrived in New York City after fleeing from Nazi Germany when he was 7 years old, and started to get really into theatre, which eventually led him to meeting his future comedy partner Elaine May. Nichols and May release three comedy albums, one of which won them a Grammy Award. Then he went on to direct a bunch of plays, including Barefoot in the Park and The Odd Couple, which both won him Tony Awards.
After killing it at comedy and killing it at theatre, Mike Nichols was like “Well, time to go kill it in Hollywood“, and started making all the best movies to watch when you’re hungover on a Saturday afternoon: Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, The Graduate, The Birdcage, Working Girl, Silkwood, Postcards from the Edge. Then I guess Mike Nichols got tired of looking at all his Oscars and Tonys and decided he wanted an Emmy, so he went to HBO and made Wit and Angels in America. And now I’m sure he’s up in Heaven setting up a camera crew and clearing space on his cloud mantle for the first of his many Angies (the award they give out in Heaven).
Mike Nichols leaves behind three children, four grandchildren, and his wife of 26 years Diane Sawyer.
Rest in peace, Mike Nichols. You gave me Agador Spartacus, and for that I will be forever thankful.
Every floret on every dandelion in every part of the world has shriveled, died and fallen to the ground, much like the pieces of my heart that still felt things. One of my favorite royals, if not my favorite royal (sorry, Prince Hot Ginge), the Duchess of Alba, has salsa danced up to Heaven and is now holding court as the Queen of the Angels. She was 88.
Throw a black lace veil over the sun, because the Duchess of Alba died in Sevilla this morning after suffering through pneumonia. I know that when an 88-year-old person gets pneumonia, it’s a bad, bad thing. But when her doctors told the media on Monday that she was doing better and recovering, I really thought she was going to make it out of the hospital and go on to outlive her current husband, her next husband and the husband after that. I thought she was going to outlive us all! Juan Ignacio Zoido, the Mayor of Sevilla, told the press this morning that the Duchess of Alba died at her palace.
The Duchess of Alba is survived by her husband Alfonso Diez, her six children, her nine grandchildren and her three great-grandchildren.
I’ve been reading all of her obits this morning and I already knew that she’s in the Guinness Book of Records for being the world’s most titled person and could buy us all with her fortune and didn’t have to kneel in front of the pope and had a full name that was almost as big as her spirit. But I didn’t know that she turned down being Picasso’s muse. She also caused ESCANDALONESS in 1978 when she married a defrocked Jesuit priest. And as everyone knows, she caused ESCANDALONESS again in 2011 when she married her current husband, 64-year-old civil servant Alfonso Diez, even though all of her children and King Juan Carlos didn’t co-sign the marriage. She gave up her billions to marry him. She divided her fortune between her kids to shut their mouths up. She was a Don’t Give A Fuck vanguard and a true rebel royal.
I know shit about American politics, so I sure as hell know less than shit about UK politics. But if I was a citizen of Scotland, I would’ve voted YES YES YES and made everyone else vote YES YES YES to divorcing the UK. Because if Scotland succeeded from the UK, the Duchess of Alba might have become the Queen of Scotland. She would’ve been the greatest queen ever and would’ve spread her give no fucks philosophy to her people.
Rest in peace, María del Rosario Cayetana Paloma Alfonsa Victoria Eugenia Fernanda Teresa Francisca de Paula Lourdes Antonia Josefa Fausta Rita Castor Dorotea Santa Esperanza Fitz-James Stuart, Silva, Falcó y Gurtubay. You made me happy. You will be forever missed.
Diem Brown, who was a regular on the Real Word/Road Rules Challenges on MTV, died in NYC today after shanking, kicking, cutting and punching that asshole trash known as cancer three times. Diem was only 32.
Diem made her Challenge debut in 2006′s Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Fresh Meat. In Fresh Meat, a cast member from Road Rules or The Real World was paired with a newbie who had never been on any MTV reality show before. Diem was a newbie. During her first Challenge, Diem told everyone she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer just three weeks before shooting started. After her first shank fight with cancer, the cancer went away for a while. Six years later in 2012, her ovarion cancer came back. Diem once again Crisco’d up her face, put all her rings on and took off her earrings to fight cancer for a second time. After months of chemo, the cancer went into remission for a second time. But because cancer is a piece of shit who can’t take a loud hint, it came back this past August.
While shooting her eighth Challenge in Panama in August, she collapsed on set and was airlifted to NYC. Doctors told Diem that they found cancer in her stomach lining and colon. A month later, she learned that the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes and liver. Diem tweeted and fought till the end and three days ago she tweeted this heartbreak-inducing note:
I NEED PRAyErs and advice my doctors are seemingly giving up but I won’t & can’t rollover. Whatever option I have to LIVE I’m grabbing!
While shooting her second Challenge, The Duel, in 2006, Diem met my big nostril’d dreamboat CT from The Real World: Paris and the two dated on and off. They stayed friends and he’s been Instagramming words and pictures of support for her during the last few weeks.
Last month, Diem told People that she would fight until the very end:
“I want people to know that the fight is worth it. And that’s something that’s so important for me.”
Rest in peace, Diem.
Legendary fashion designer and noted gentleman Oscar de la Renta (full government name: Óscar Arístides de la Renta Fiallo), who could make almost anyone look elegant, died at the age of 82 his home in Kent, Connecticut today. His wife Annette de la Renta confirmed the news to ABC News. Oscar was diagnosed with cancer in 2006.
Oscar was born in the Dominican Republic and when he was 18 he went to Madrid to study painting, but he ended up falling in love with fashion instead. He worked for Balenciaga and Lanvin before moving to NYC in the 1960s to start his own line. Shortly after he started his line, Jackie Kennedy wore him and continued to wear him. Throughout the decades other First Ladies like Nancy Reagan, Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama also wore his clothes. And of course, millions upon millions (I’m underestimating) of actresses and famous types have wore him. Recently, he designed Amal Clooney’s wedding dress.
Oscar recently named Peter Copping his successor.
And now every award show is going to be filled with a bunch of naked ass women because they’re going to have nothing to wear.
Rest in peace, Oscar de la Renta.
And now here’s a punch of sadness to the core of my chilhood’s heart. Elizabeth Peña, whose career lasted for over 30 years, died in Los Angeles yesterday. She was only 55. Elizabeth’s manager tells The L.A. Times that she died of natural causes after a brief illness.
Elizabeth was born in Elizabeth, New Jersey (“Oh shit, just like your name!” is probably the line that touched her ears the most) and two years after she graduated from New York’s High School of Performing Arts, she made her movie debut in a film called El Super. She pretty much never stopped working after that. She was Ritchie Valens’ sister-in-law in La Bamba, Richard Dreyfuss’ side piece in Down and Out In Beverly Hills, Marisa the pregnant mom in Batteries Not Included, Jezzie in Jacob’s Ladder and Consuelo in VIBES! She’s definitely getting the VIP treatment at the gates of Heaven as everybody involved in Vibes should. In 1997, she was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award for Best Supporting Actress for John Sayles’ Lone Star.
Her other movie roles include Rush Hour, The Waterdance, Free Willy 2 (hey, a check is a check!), Tortilla Soup, The Incredibles and Transamerica. On TV, she was Sofia Vergara’s mother on Modern Family and she recently finished the first season of Matador for the El Rey Network. She was also a founding member of the Hispanic Organization of Latin Actors.
She’s survived by her husband, mother, sister and two teenage children.
Elizabeth Peña is very memorable to me, because when I was a kid, I watched every episode of the first and only season of I Married Dora. Elizabeth played Dora. That show meant something to me, because my mom’s side is from El Salvador and Dora was Salvadoran. I had never seen a Salvadoran character, let alone a major one, on American TV before, so I was devoted to that show. When it got canceled, I was pissed and wrote a letter on purple lined paper about how pissed I was. I never sent it, because I didn’t know where to send it. I know, it’s all my fault. I bet the executives at ABC were like, “Okay, so we got 20,000 letters to bring back ‘I Married Dora’ and if we get just one more, we’ll give the people what they want.” I will never forgive ABC for that.
Here’s the last iconic scene of I Married Dora. They truly didn’t give a fuck.
Rest in peace, Elizabeth Peña. You will be missed.
Amanda Bynes got checked into a mental health facility right after she tweeted luuuuuv to Sam Lutfi, and those two events are related. Yeah, duh, but it gets even worse than alarmingly bad character judgement. Everyone whose eyebrows immediately retreated into their hairlines and saw dancing pink wigs at the mention of his name gets a cookie (you’ll have to yell at your SO/kid/mom to get one of yours if you have some…sorry, I’m broke), because Sam was supposedly the one who tricked her into coming to LA to be guest of honor at a 5150 surprise party.
You may remember Sam from Britney Spears‘ 2008 breakdown, the one her parents accused him of bringing on by slipping Brit nefarious drug cocktails. No, I’m sure that he is a misunderstood hero that just has happens to have an odd penchant for being closely involved with fragile women when they are teetering on the edge and only has their best interests at heart. Sam is the one who supposedly tricked Amanda into going to LA, per TMZ:
Sam Lutfi…contacted Amanda Thursday and convinced her to sue her parents. He got her to fly to L.A. so he could hook her up with a lawyer. …[Then] the driver went to a Pasadena hospital which looked like an office building. Amanda thought she was going to see the lawyer but when she walked inside she was surrounded by hospital staff.
Amanda got checked into a psych ward for a few days and her parents reportedly view Sam as a saviour and are going to publicly thank him, right after they transfer money to a Nigerian prince who will then dump millions of dollars into their bank account.
Girl needs a hug and unfortunately for her she turned to Sam, who had his arms wide open while his heart tearfully put the lotion on its skin in the corner. How is it that all roads to Not Okay, CA make a stop at Sam Station? How does he get in with these women? Amanda and all famous and semi-famous ladies, listen. When you see someone listed as “5150callme” and his profile pic features a photobomb of side eye-ing sharks nervously holding up a <–PREDATOR sign, resist the urge to click. You don’t want to know that guy.
It took me a long time to pick out the perfect picture to go with this sad, shitty news. There were so many to choose from. Jan Hooks as Tina from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. Jan Hooks as Candy Sweeney of The Sweeney Sisters. Jan Hooks as Jenna Maroney’s hot mom from 30 Rock. I decided to go with a classic: Jan Hooks posing in an Olan Mills studio as Carlene from Designing Women.
TMZ says that Jan Hooks died in NYC this morning. Jan’s rep confirmed her death to HuffPo. Her rep didn’t say what she died from, but sources tell TMZ that she’s been sick with a “serious illness” for a long time.
Wikipedia says that Jan trained at The Groundlings in L.A. before she joined the cast of Not Necessarily The News, which Conan O’Brien was a writer on. From NNTN, she joined SNL in 1986 and she brought the laughs by playing Kathie Lee Gifford, Candy Sweeney, Dee Kelly from Attitudes, Tammy Fayye Bakker and a bunch of First Ladies. In 1991, she checked out of SNL to replace Jean Smart in Designing Women for the show’s final two seasons. Jan Hooks is the fourth Designing Women cast member who is now in heaven. Jan’s last TV acting role was in 2010 when she played Jenna’s mom on 30 Rock.
Rest in peace, Jan Hooks. You are now in heaven serenading the monkeys:
And when you’re not serenading the monkeys, you’re serenading the angels with your AquaNet-scented musical glamour:
Dick “Evel Dick” Donato, one of Big Brother’s most popular villains, won the show during its 8th season in 2007 and came back 4 years later for the 13th season. Six days into the 13th season, Evel Dick played the “I QUIT THIS BITCH” card by walking out of the house. The viewers and houseguests were told that Dick had an emergency personal issue he had to deal with. Dick never said what that personal issue was, but on tonight’s episode of Vh1′s Couples Therapy, he tells Dr. Jenn and the rest of the cast that he is HIV positive and he found out while he was in the Big Brother house.
To promote that episode, Evel Dick talked to People Magazine about the moment he found out he has HIV and why he’s going public.