That evil dead-souled monster 2016 just had to come along and repeatedly knee us all in the heart by taking away one of America’s favorite moms, Carol Brady, on Thanksgiving of all days. Every piece of leftover pie is going to taste like lukewarm shit today. Pour out all of the Wesson oil, because Florence Henderson died yesterday. She was 82.
Earlier today, PBS released a sad statement saying that PBS NewsHour co-anchor, political analyst, debate moderator, author, and groundbreaking journalist Gwen Ifill has died at 61. Gwen was battling cancer for several months.
Gwen Ifill started out in journalism as an intern at the Boston Herald-American, an experience in which some asshole racist employee left a note with the n-word on her desk telling her to go home. That didn’t stop Gwen Ifill from working in journalism, which led to her checking off a couple of career “firsts.” She was the first black woman to work at the Herald. She was also the first black woman to moderate a vice presidential debate in 2004. Gwen Ifill also moderated that 2008 vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, which probably made her want to swear off moderating vice presidential debates the second Sarah cited her pal Joe Six-pack.
2016 is squeezing out more shit news until the very end (or until every one of us launches ourselves off of this planet. Either or.) Fuck this year, officially.
The legendary Canadian poet, singer, songwriter and Buddhist monk (for real) Leonard Cohen died today at the age of 82. His cause of death hasn’t been released yet. The news was announced on his Facebook page tonight:
It is with profound sorrow we report that legendary poet, songwriter and artist, Leonard Cohen has passed away.
We have lost one of music’s most revered and prolific visionaries.
A memorial will take place in Los Angeles at a later date. The family requests privacy during their time of grief.
Rolling Stone says that after graduating from McGill University, Leonard moved to the Greek island of Hydra where he wrote and published several books of poetry including Beautiful Losers (aka the book that some of us read out loud in high school while lying on the carpet and passing a cigarette with friends). His songwriting career was born in 1966 when he visited NYC and met Judy Collins, who recorded two of his songs for her album. He wrote more songs Judy and also songs for Willie Nelson and James Taylor before singing his own stuff.
In his musical career, which lasted nearly 50 years, he released just 14 studio albums. That seems like nothing since nowadays, pop tricks burp up an album every 12 months. His last album You Want It Darker came out this year. When it was released, Leonard did an interview with the New Yorker and said that he was in a bad way health-wise. Most know Leonard Cohen from his song Hallelujah. It came out in 1984 and has been covered by absolutely every single person who has ever sung a musical note. Hallelujah is definitely his most famous song, but I’m going to leave you with one of my favorites.
Rest in peace, Leonard Cohen.
And here’s some news that is sadness wrapped in awfulness and stuffed with more sadness. Playboy model and the “Queen of Snapchat,” Katie May, died at the age of 34 last February after suffering a stroke caused by a blocked artery. The Los Angeles County Coroner did an autopsy to figure out what exactly happened to her. Los Angeles Assistant Chief Coroner Ed Winter tells People that they have ruled that Katie’s death was caused by a chiropractor session gone horrifically wrong. During a “neck manipulation” by Katie’s chiropractor, her left vertebral artery was torn, which stopped blood flow to her brain.
And if you’re like me, then the piece of you who faked sick from school to watch One Life to Live died too.
Philly.com says that Agnes Nixon, who gifted the world with the legendary soap operas One Life to Live and All My Children, has gone off to heaven where I’m sure a Greek chorus in white robes are waiting to greet her. Agnes died at her home in Pennsylvania this morning. TMZ says that she died from complications of Parkinson’s and pneumonia. She was 93.
Agnes started out as a writer on daytime soaps like Search For Tomorrow, Guiding Light and Another World. In 1968, Agnes’ first creation and my mom’s favorite soap of all-time One Life to Live was born on ABC and went on for more than 43 years. After One Life to Live took daytime BY STORM, the network gave the greenlight for All My Children, which came out in 1970 and aired for around 41 years. Agnes also helped to create Loving and The City. The Daytime Emmy Awards gave her a Lifetime Achievement Award in 2010.
Agnes’ son also told TMZ that she just finished writing her memoirs My Life to Live last week.
La Lucci, who played one of Agnes’ favorite characters, posted this note on Instagram:
Rest in peace, Agnes. Thank you for original HSOTD Dorian Lord, Erica Kane, Viki Lord Buchanan, Tina Lord #1, etc…
While many of us scream, “TELL IT!”, whenever Corey Feldman talks about the pedophiles crawling all over Hollywood, there’s one person who would like to cover up his mouth with duct tape and write “STFU” on it with a thick black Sharpie, and that someone is Corey Haim’s mom Judy Haim. Judy Haim is so over Corey Feldman telling “lies” about her son that she’s threatening to sue him for EVERYTHING he owns, which is an old BETA copy of License To Drive, an autographed picture of Bubbles and a hat tree full of fedoras.