Stop the 60 Minutes stopwatch and pawn it off, because there’s no need for it now that Morley Safer has died. The Canadian-American broadcasting legend announced his retirement on 60 Minutes last Wednesday, and a week after he began living that retirement life of staying up really late (8:30pm), eating Werther’s for dinner and booking a Carnival cruise to the Caribbean, he has gone on to heaven. CBS News says that Morley died today in Manhattan. He was 84.
Morley started off in the broadcast journalism game long before many of us were performing synchronized swimming shows for the other jizz fishes in a venue called Our Daddy’s Ballsack. Morley was a correspondent and producer for the CBC before he joined CBS News in 1964 and stuck with them until (almost) his death. Morley became known for his coverage of the Vietnam War. Morley joined 60 Minutes in 1970 and became the show’s longest-serving correspondent. 60 Minutes devoted all 60 minutes to Morley on Sunday night by airing the most memorable moments of his career. Morley said this when announcing his retirement:
“After more than 50 years of broadcasting on CBS News and 60 Minutes, I have decided to retire. It’s been a wonderful run, but the time has come to say goodbye to all of my friends at CBS and the dozens of people who kept me on the air. But most of all I thank the millions of people who have been loyal to our broadcast.”
Rest in peace, Morley. You are now in heaven, shooting the shit with Katharine Hepburn:
TMZ has put Sinead O’Connor’s face on a milk carton by reporting that she is missing and police in Wilmette, Illinois are looking for her and believe she’s suicidal. Not today, 2016, not today.
Sinead went for a bike ride in Wilmette, which is a suburb of Chicago, yesterday and when she never came back, someone called the cops. Sinead was on a motorized Raleigh bike with a pink basket on it, and she was wearing a black parka, black leather pants and a sweatshirt with “Ireland” on the back of it. An alert was sent out to the police officers and they classified Sinead as “missing suicidal.” Sinead is apparently staying with friends in Wilmette and the alert says that she went for a bike ride at around 6 in the morning yesterday.
Early yesterday morning, Sinead posted an open message on Facebook to a “Jake.” Jake is the name of Sinead’s 28-year-old son, so this message was probably for him:
Jake, kindly go to the court on Tuesday and take custody your brother from Tusla. My lawyer will be making the illegal way yourself and Donal got him into Tusla (lying to the cops etc) known to the judge. expect to be in trouble. In fact you’d best bring a lawyer of your own. And do not abandon your brother or any other of my babies again. What you have done to your brother and your mother is LITERALLY criminal.
Sinead is currently in a long custody fight with her ex Donal Lunny over their 12-year-old son Shane. On Friday, she wrote an open letter to Shane where she told him that she’s trying to him out of “care” and advised him to get his own lawyer to fight Tulsa. Sinead was also recently sued by Arsenio Hall (or “Arse-inio” as she calls him) for saying that he was Prince’s bitch and pill supplier. And last November, Sinead was found safe after she said in a Facebook status that she had taken an overdose. And hopefully she’s found safe this time too.
UPDATE: Just when I was about to scream at the police in Wilmette to drag Arsenio Hall into the station for questioning, Sinead has been found safe and she’s no longer listed as a missing person. Now she can get back to fighting the good fight by telling us about the trials and tribulations of the difficult brown and hating on the real enemy: Kim Kuntrashian.
Well, damn, this is a load of sadness out of nowhere. Chyna (born name: Joanie Marie Lauer) was found dead Wednesday in her home in Redondo Beach, CA. She was only 45. There’s really not much information except for a statement that her management tweeted from her Twitter account:
“It is with deep sadness to inform you today that we lost a true icon, a real life superhero. Joanie Laurer aka Chyna, the 9th wonder of the world has passed away. She will live forever in the memories of her millions of fans and all of us that loved her.”
Chyna’s manager also confirmed the sad news with ProWrestlingSheet.com (via KTLA). She had apparently been taking meds for anxiety and sleeping problems. TMZ says that cops are investigating Chyna’s death as a possible overdose. (Update: The cops say that one of Chyna’s friends hadn’t heard from her for days. She wasn’t answering calls. When they stopped by her house to check on her, they found her not breathing. They called 911.)
Chyna became Chyna after she joined the WWE (which was the WWF back then) in the 90s. She was the first chick to qualify for the King of Tournament and the first chick contender for the WWF championship. While in the WWF, Chyna got with Triple H in real-life and they had a train wreck of a relationship that ended with her accusing him of cheating on her with Stephanie McMahon. Chyna was out of the WWF in 2001. Chyna later said in an interview that she didn’t leave the WWF on her own. Because of the Stephanie McMahon mess, the WWF sent a fax to the restaurant she was eating at and that fax said that they didn’t need her anymore. Firing you in a fax while at lunch takes firing you in an email to a whole new level of fucked up.
She has never been inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame.
Chyna wrestled in Japan for a little bit before the sex tape came out and she ended up in porn. She did a total of six porn movies from 2004 to 2013.
I think of “rubber chicken shots” nearly every damn week. It’s something that hasn’t left my brain and that’s all thanks to Chyna and Traci Bingham. Chyna was in the second season of one of the greatest reality shows ever The Surreal Life. She was also in The Surreal Life: Fame Games. Chyna was addicted to the bad shit, booze and pills for many years. She was on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew in 2008 and was hospitalized a couple of times for drug-related issues.
Up until not too long ago, Chyna seemed to be doing well and was living in Japan where she taught English and struggle twerked! She moved back to the US and regularly posted videos on her YouTube Channel. Earlier this year, Chyna posted this video where she talked about her hot unicorns leggings and dealing with the WWE:
Rest in peace, Chyna.
TMZ reports that Doris Roberts is now in heaven arguing with Frank Barone. Doris died yesterday in Los Angeles. She was 90.
Pretty much everybody knows Doris as being the best part of Everybody Loves Raymond, but before she played Marie Barone for all 9 seasons of the show, she was Donna Pescow and Debralee Scott’s mother in Angie. Angie only lasted from 1979 to 1980, and after it ended, she guest starred on a bunch of shows and TV movies before she joined the cast of Remington Steele as Mildred the receptionist in 1983. When that gig ended in 1987, Doris continued to work and work and work and work until she got Everybody Loves Raymond. Doris won 4 Emmys for playing Marie. The Hollywood Reporter says that Doris was supposed to reunite with the entire cast in June. Ray Romano gave this statement to Deadline about the death of his TV mom:
Doris Roberts had an energy and a spirit that amazed me. She never stopped. Whether working professionally or with her many charities, or just nurturing and mentoring a green young comic trying to make it as an actor, she did everything with such a grand love for life and people and I will miss her dearly.
Doris continued to work up until her death and IMDB tells me she has a few of movies coming out this year. Doris is survived by her son, Michael Cannata Jr., and her three grandchirrun.
One thing I learned today is that Doris Roberts was also a disciple of pure glamour. While going through pictures of her in photo agency databases, my retinas were slapped with picture after picture of her with hair teased to another universe, gorgeous spider lashes and an exquisitely-crafted eyebrow game. I never noticed that before.
Rest in peace, Doris Roberts. I hope she crashed through the gates of heaven like this:
Earlier this year, some foolery of errors stuff happened on Celebrity Big Brother UK when New York had a stage 10 meltdown over thinking that David Gest, who was a houseguest on the show, died. David Bowie’s first wife Angie Bowie told New York that “David had died” and New York thought she was talking about David Gest. Well sadly, David Gest has really died. Nobody tell New York.
The Independent says that David Gest was found dead inside of the Four Seasons hotel in London today. He was only 62 years old. The Metropolitan Police issued a statement saying that at 10:17am, they got a call about an “unexplained death” at the Four Seasons. When the London Ambulance service showed up, they pronounced the man dead at the scene. Police don’t believe any foul play went down. An autopsy has been scheduled.
David Gest’s friend Imad Handi confirmed that David was the man who died at the Four Seasons:
“It is with great sadness that I can confirm that David Gest has died today. David was truly larger than life. He was not just a huge talent and a dear friend but a showbiz icon. I know he will be missed by millions of fans around the world, and particularly in Britain, who came to love his charm and blistering one-liners. If I may steal the words of one eminent critic, David was a natural star and a genuine celebrity. I will miss him desperately.”
Most of us know David Gest as Liza Minnelli’s fourth husband. They separated after less than a year of being married. Their divorce fight was a train wreck. David sued her for $10 million claiming that she regularly whooped his ass in a drunken rage. Liza countersued him for allegedly stealing money from her. The lawsuit was eventually settled out of court. David and Liza officially got divorced in 2007 after 5 years of marriage. That wedding gave us this perfect Addams Family meets high levels of glamour picture:
David was also one of Michael Jackson’s best friends forever. They were friends since childhood and David even dated the greatest Jackson of all-time La Toya. During the past ten years or so, David has been working in the UK. He was a judge on Grease Is The Word and was on the reality shows I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! and of course, Celebrity Big Brother. David left CBB early because of medical reasons.
David was supposed to start a tour later this year called David Gest Is Not Dead, But Alive With Soul.
Former child star, Oscar winner, cult movie idol and overall Hollywood legend Patty Duke died early this morning. She was 69. Patty Duke’s son Sean Astin (aka Samwise in The Lord of the Rings movies) confirmed the sad news on Facebook by posting a statement from his family. Patty Duke (born name: Anna Marie Duke) died from sepsis from a ruptured intestine. Here’s the family’s statement:
This morning, our beloved wife, mother, grandmother, matriarch and the exquisite artist, humanitarian, and champion for mental health, Anna PATTY DUKE Pearce, closed her eyes, quieted her pain and ascended to a beautiful place. We celebrate the infinite love and compassion she shared through her work and throughout her life.
Patty Duke’s long career started when she was just a kid. She did a soap opera, commercials and a game show before her big break came. When she was 13, she got cast as Helen Keller opposite Anne Bancroft’s Annie Sullivan in the original Broadway production of The Miracle Worker. Patty played Helen in The Miracle Worker movie too, and it won her an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress when she was just 16. Because she became the “it’ child star of the time, ABC created a sitcom for her in 1963. Patty Duke played cousins, Patty and Cathy Lane, in The Patty Duke Show for 3 seasons.
After The Patty Duke Show ended, she continued to do movies, TV shows and she put out music. She won 3 Emmys including one for playing Annie Sullivan in a TV movie version of The Miracle Worker in 1979.
In 1987, Patty Duke wrote in her memoirs that she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and she became an advocate for mental health causes. And pretty recently, she teamed up with fellow Hollywood treasure George Takei to teach the oldies how to sign up for social security benefits online.
Patty was married four times. About two weeks ago, she celebrated her 30th anniversary with her husband Michael Pearce. She had three children. There was a little scandal surrounding her son Sean’s biological father. This is from her Wikipedia page:
Her son, actor Sean Astin, was born on February 25, 1971. Though Duke said in her 1987 autobiography that John Astin was Sean’s biological father, she later stated that she had always believed that Desi Arnaz, Jr. was Sean’s actual biological father. It turned out that neither statement was correct; in 1994, Sean Astin underwent biological testing to determine his paternity, and the results showed that Astin’s father is actually Michael Tell.
Of course, those of us who appreciate camp, glamour and true acting, know Patty Duke best for the tour de force performance she gave when she played legendary train wreck Neely O’Hara in Valley of the Dolls. One of the biggest crimes in Oscar history is that Patty Duke didn’t get one for that toilet wig scene alone.
Rest in peace, Patty Duke. You’re probably walking through the gates of heaven as the gay angels worship at your feet while saying, “boobies, boobies, boobies,” “Neely O’Hara is ALIVE!” and “sparkle, Neely, sparkle.”
In surprise news that will send a punch to your soul, TMZ says that Garry Shandling is now up in heaven where he’s saying, “I said ‘Garry’ with TWO Rs, dammit,” to the angel working the door of the VIP section. Garry reportedly died at a hospital in the Los Angeles area today. Gary was supposedly healthy and wasn’t suffering from any kind of illness recently. His cause of death is not known right now, but TMZ is hearing that he died of a sudden heart attack. He was only 66 years old.
Back in the 1970s, Garry was in advertising before he sold a script for Sanford and Son (Google it, you young dumbfucks) and that led to him writing for other sitcoms, which led to him doing stand-up, which led to him being on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson. Garry filled in for Johnny many times and was in consideration to be his replacement, but we all know that gig went to Jay Leno. But that was for the best, because if Garry got The Tonight Show, he probably wouldn’t have created Showtime’s It’s Garry Shandling’s Show, which my friend and I used to watch on her descrambled cable box. Fox also used to show PG 13-rated versions of the episodes. It’s Garry Shandling’s Show ran for four seasons. When David Letterman left Late Night on NBC to do the Late Show on CBS, the tricks at the peacock offered Garry that job. Garry turned it down.
To me, Garry’s magnus opus was playing Jack in Mother Goose Rock ‘n’ Rhyme, but to most, his masterpiece was The Larry Sanders Show, which ran from 1992 to 1998 on HBO and got him 18 Emmy nominations. The Larry Sanders Show pretty much put HBO on the comedy show map.
After The Larry Sanders Show ended, Garry acted in a few movies (Iron Man 2, What Planet Are You From?, Hurlyburly, The Dictator, Town & Country and Captain America: Winter Soldier) and he hosted the Emmys 3 times.
Garry was with actress/Playboy model Linda Doucett for a while, but he never got married and never had any kids.
Rest in peace, Garry Shandling…and Hail Hydra.
Rose McGowan must already be feeling the effects of that big ass lawsuit. Rose is trying to save money by not buying clothes and is going out wearing shirts made of napkins and crib skirts.
Rose’s rep confirms to People that she’s been hit with a multi-million dollar lawsuit from a woman who has apparently been in a bad way and it’s thanks to one of her dogs. TMZ was first to report the sad, shitty news. An 85-year-old woman named Elna Ebner (who may or may not be named after a silent movie star) is suffering from extreme brain damage and has been lying in a bed with 24/7 care after Rose’s dog Mrs. Noodle jumped on her, causing her to fall and crack her head on the cement. Elna says that she and her daughter were on a walk in the Hollywood Hills when Rose’s dog walker approached with Mrs. Noodle and a smaller dog friend.
The Fulton County District Attorney’s Office tried to keep Bobbi Kristina Brown’s autopsy results sealed because they’re still investigating her death. But WXIA, a local news station in Atlanta, screamed, “What about our First Amendment rights?“, at a judge, so the results were released today on what would’ve been Bobbi Kristina Brown’s 23rd birthday. If you need to turn away now and fill your head with more adorable adventures from Chihuahua King Richie and his gang of furlings, I understand and I’m with you on that.
According to ABC News, the autopsy report says that Bobbi Kristina died of a combination of drowning and the bad shit. The report says that several drugs were found in her system including: booze, a coke-related substance, weed, a sedative, an anti-anxiety medication and morphine. The Medical Examiner added that toxicology tests didn’t show if the morphine was from heroin use or not. The Medical Examiner also hasn’t been able to determine if her death was accidental or intentional. Here’s a piece of the statement from the Medical Examiner’s Office:
“The underlying cause of death is the condition which starts the downhill course of events leading to death and in this case is the immersion associated with drug intoxication. The pneumonia and encephalopathy are more immediate causes which resulted from the immersion and drug intoxication.”
Bobbi Kristina was found unconscious in her bathtub on January 31, 2015. She died almost 6 months later. As you know, Bobbi Kristina’s mother Whitney Houston died of accidental drowning, but heart disease and coke use also contributed to her death.
The case of Bobbi Kristina’s death is still open. Investigators are reportedly running their Detective La Toya-brand magnifying glasses over Bobbi Kristina’s “adopted brother”/boyfriend Nick Gordon, because they believe he may have had something to do with her death. Bobbi Kristina’s estate also sued Nick Gordon for $40 million claiming he gave her a toxic mixture of the bad shit. The ME also confirmed that Bobbi Kristina’s body was covered in bruises and scars.
Bobbi Kristina’s father, Bobbay B, who is reportedly drying out in rehab, said this to ABC News after the autopsy report was released to public eyes:
“First and foremost, 23 years ago today, Bobbi Kristina was born. Krissy will always live in my heart and soul. I love my baby girl. For news affiliates to seek and obtain my daughter’s autopsy report, before anyone has been brought to justice for her death is mind blowing to me. Please pray for my family.”
Salma Hayek recently posted on Instagram about how her 9-year-old dog Mozart was found shot to death on her ranch in Washington State. I immediately screamed, “MURDER!” But it turns out that it was an accident and the investigation is closed.
The Seattle Times says a neighbor told investigators with the Thurston County Sheriff’s Office that he fired a pellet gun at Mozart Hayek because the dog was causing trouble. The neighbors say that Mozart attacked his two dogs so he fired a pellet gun to scare the dog off. It did a whole lot more than scare Mozart off. That pellet sent poor Mozart’s soul to heaven. The neighbor claims that he didn’t know that he shot Mozart. A vet said that a lead pellet hit one of Mozart’s arteries and he bled to death.
Salma wasn’t at her ranch at the time. A caretaker went for a horseback ride with a few of Salma’s dogs. When they got to the end of the road, the dogs, including Mozart, heard the sound of barking and ran toward the neighbor’s house. The caretaker didn’t go after them. The wife of the neighbor who shot Mozart said that he regularly used to go onto their property to fight with their dogs. Her husband finally had it and fired what he thought was a warning shot. She said that they’re very sorry that Mozart died.
“I’m still coming to terms with all of this, as you can imagine. We didn’t even know we killed a dog. To find out we killed a dog that belonged to a high profile person, I’m in shock. My heart is broken. I’m really sorry that the dog died.”
Investigators ruled the shooting as “justified,” but they still passed the case over to prosecutors who will review it.
So many questions. Why hasn’t Salma built a fence? Why did the caretaker just let the dogs go like that? Why didn’t the neighbor scare Mozart off in a harmless way like blast an LMFAO song at him? (Scratch that. That’s not harmless.)
I know that both of their ranches are probably many acres big, but this is definitely going to cause a whole lot of tension. My neighbor’s dog once pissed on my front door mat in front of me and I never stopped throwing them dirty looks. So I can’t even imagine the kind of looks Salma is going to throw at the neighbor who shot her dog.
Rest in peace again, Mozart.