Category: Sadness

Oscar De La Renta Has Died

October 20, 2014 / Posted by:

Legendary fashion designer and noted gentleman Oscar de la Renta (full government name: Óscar Arístides de la Renta Fiallo), who could make almost anyone look elegant, died at the age of 82 his home in Kent, Connecticut today. His wife Annette de la Renta confirmed the news to ABC News. Oscar was diagnosed with cancer in 2006.

Oscar was born in the Dominican Republic and when he was 18 he went to Madrid to study painting, but he ended up falling in love with fashion instead. He worked for Balenciaga and Lanvin before moving to NYC in the 1960s to start his own line. Shortly after he started his line, Jackie Kennedy wore him and continued to wear him. Throughout the decades other First Ladies like Nancy Reagan, Laura Bush, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama also wore his clothes. And of course, millions upon millions (I’m underestimating) of actresses and famous types have wore him. Recently, he designed Amal Clooney’s wedding dress.

Oscar recently named Peter Copping his successor.

And now every award show is going to be filled with a bunch of naked ass women because they’re going to have nothing to wear.

Rest in peace, Oscar de la Renta.

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Elizabeth Peña Has Died At The Age Of 55

October 15, 2014 / Posted by:

And now here’s a punch of sadness to the core of my chilhood’s heart. Elizabeth Peña, whose career lasted for over 30 years, died in Los Angeles yesterday. She was only 55. Elizabeth’s manager tells The L.A. Times that she died of natural causes after a brief illness.

Elizabeth was born in Elizabeth, New Jersey (“Oh shit, just like your name!” is probably the line that touched her ears the most) and two years after she graduated from New York’s High School of Performing Arts, she made her movie debut in a film called El Super. She pretty much never stopped working after that. She was Ritchie Valens’ sister-in-law in La Bamba, Richard Dreyfuss’ side piece in Down and Out In Beverly Hills, Marisa the pregnant mom in Batteries Not Included, Jezzie in Jacob’s Ladder and Consuelo in VIBES! She’s definitely getting the VIP treatment at the gates of Heaven as everybody involved in Vibes should. In 1997, she was nominated for an Independent Spirit Award for Best Supporting Actress for John Sayles’ Lone Star.

Her other movie roles include Rush Hour, The Waterdance, Free Willy 2 (hey, a check is a check!), Tortilla Soup, The Incredibles and Transamerica. On TV, she was Sofia Vergara’s mother on Modern Family and she recently finished the first season of Matador for the El Rey Network. She was also a founding member of the Hispanic Organization of Latin Actors.

She’s survived by her husband, mother, sister and two teenage children.

Elizabeth Peña is very memorable to me, because when I was a kid, I watched every episode of the first and only season of I Married Dora. Elizabeth played Dora. That show meant something to me, because my mom’s side is from El Salvador and Dora was Salvadoran. I had never seen a Salvadoran character, let alone a major one, on American TV before, so I was devoted to that show. When it got canceled, I was pissed and wrote a letter on purple lined paper about how pissed I was. I never sent it, because I didn’t know where to send it. I know, it’s all my fault. I bet the executives at ABC were like, “Okay, so we got 20,000 letters to bring back ‘I Married Dora’ and if we get just one more, we’ll give the people what they want.” I will never forgive ABC for that.

Here’s the last iconic scene of I Married Dora. They truly didn’t give a fuck.

Rest in peace, Elizabeth Peña. You will be missed.

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Get Thee Back, Sam Lutfi!

October 11, 2014 / Posted by:

Amanda Bynes got checked into a mental health facility right after she tweeted luuuuuv to Sam Lutfi, and those two events are related. Yeah, duh, but it gets even worse than alarmingly bad character judgement. Everyone whose eyebrows immediately retreated into their hairlines and saw dancing pink wigs at the mention of his name gets a cookie (you’ll have to yell at your SO/kid/mom to get one of yours if you have some…sorry, I’m broke), because Sam was supposedly the one who tricked her into coming to LA to be guest of honor at a 5150 surprise party.

You may remember Sam from Britney Spears‘ 2008 breakdown, the one her parents accused him of bringing on by slipping Brit nefarious drug cocktails. No, I’m sure that he is a misunderstood hero that just has happens to have an odd penchant for being closely involved with fragile women when they are teetering on the edge and only has their best interests at heart. Sam is the one who supposedly tricked Amanda into going to LA, per TMZ:

Sam Lutfi…contacted Amanda Thursday and convinced her to sue her parents. He got her to fly to L.A. so he could hook her up with a lawyer.  …[Then] the driver went to a Pasadena hospital which looked like an office building.  Amanda thought she was going to see the lawyer but when she walked inside she was surrounded by hospital staff.

Amanda got checked into a psych ward for a few days and her parents reportedly view Sam as a saviour and are going to publicly thank him, right after they transfer money to a Nigerian prince who will then dump millions of dollars into their bank account.

Girl needs a hug and unfortunately for her she turned to Sam, who had his arms wide open while his heart tearfully put the lotion on its skin in the corner. How is it that all roads to Not Okay, CA make a stop at Sam Station? How does he get in with these women? Amanda and all famous and semi-famous ladies, listen. When you see someone listed as “5150callme” and his profile pic features a photobomb of side eye-ing sharks nervously holding up a <–PREDATOR sign, resist the urge to click. You don’t want to know that guy.

Jan Hooks Has Died At The Age Of 57

October 9, 2014 / Posted by:

It took me a long time to pick out the perfect picture to go with this sad, shitty news. There were so many to choose from. Jan Hooks as Tina from Pee-wee’s Big Adventure. Jan Hooks as Candy Sweeney of The Sweeney Sisters. Jan Hooks as Jenna Maroney’s hot mom from 30 Rock. I decided to go with a classic: Jan Hooks posing in an Olan Mills studio as Carlene from Designing Women.

TMZ says that Jan Hooks died in NYC this morning. Jan’s rep confirmed her death to HuffPo. Her rep didn’t say what she died from, but sources tell TMZ that she’s been sick with a “serious illness” for a long time.

Wikipedia says that Jan trained at The Groundlings in L.A. before she joined the cast of Not Necessarily The News, which Conan O’Brien was a writer on. From NNTN, she joined SNL in 1986 and she brought the laughs by playing Kathie Lee Gifford, Candy Sweeney, Dee Kelly from Attitudes, Tammy Fayye Bakker and a bunch of First Ladies. In 1991, she checked out of SNL to replace Jean Smart in Designing Women for the show’s final two seasons. Jan Hooks is the fourth Designing Women cast member who is now in heaven. Jan’s last TV acting role was in 2010 when she played Jenna’s mom on 30 Rock.

Rest in peace, Jan Hooks. You are now in heaven serenading the monkeys:

And when you’re not serenading the monkeys, you’re serenading the angels with your AquaNet-scented musical glamour:

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Big Brother’s Evel Dick Is HIV Positive

October 1, 2014 / Posted by:

Dick “Evel Dick” Donato, one of Big Brother’s most popular villains, won the show during its 8th season in 2007 and came back 4 years later for the 13th season. Six days into the 13th season, Evel Dick played the “I QUIT THIS BITCH” card by walking out of the house. The viewers and houseguests were told that Dick had an emergency personal issue he had to deal with. Dick never said what that personal issue was, but on tonight’s episode of Vh1′s Couples Therapy, he tells Dr. Jenn and the rest of the cast that he is HIV positive and he found out while he was in the Big Brother house.

To promote that episode, Evel Dick talked to People Magazine about the moment he found out he has HIV and why he’s going public.

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Eric The Actor From The Howard Stern Show Has Died At The Age Of 39

September 22, 2014 / Posted by:

If you’re like me and listen to The Howard Stern Show three times a week (Correction: More like three times a month since those bitches are always off. I blame America’s Got Talent.), then your ear holes were semi-regularly filled with the grouchiness that came out of Eric the Actor’s mouth. Well, my ear holes are frowning today, because they will no longer be touched by the sound of Eric The Actor yelling at Howard. Eric The Actor (government name: Eric Lynch) died on Saturday in Sacramento, CA at the age of 39.

Eric The Actor’s manager, Johnny Frato, told TMZ yesterday that he started having heart problems on Saturday and paramedics were called. Eric’s organs gave out and he died at the hospital. Johnny says that he was surrounded by his family and friends including his caretaker Jon. While talking to Howard last week, Eric said that his parents were going to take care of him from now on since Jon was moving away.

Eric The Actor (formerly known as Eric The Midget) first called into the Stern Show over 10 years ago and he quickly became one of the most popular members of The Wack Pack. He made his television acting debut in American Dreams and was also in Fringe and In Plain Sight. On the Howard Stern Show, they’d always make fun of his ass for being a show killer. I haven’t listened to Howard today yet so I don’t know what he said about Eric’s death, but he wrote this message on his site:

“I loved Eric… I truly, truly loved him… He was the greatest. I just loved the guy. Most people in Eric’s condition would be bitter. But Eric loved life.”a

Rest in peace, Eric. You are now in heaven where Preferred Stock cologne rains from above and you’re considered a show saver (aka the Heather Locklear of heaven).

And why in the hell hasn’t Kelly Clarkson tweeted non-stop about this?!

Pic: Facebook

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The Clinic Where Joan Rivers Stopped Breathing Probably Should Have Performed Her Procedure At A Hospital

September 10, 2014 / Posted by:

It’s been nearly a week since legendary comedian, spitter of hot fire, and QVC queen Joan Rivers sashayed up the red carpet to Heaven, and we’re still searching for answers as to why she was tragically taken away from us. WHY GOD, WHY??? He should have at least waited until after the Golden Globes! So far we have the Who (Joan Rivers), the When (a week ago), the Where (in a hospital room), the What (throat surgery), and now we have a possible Why.

According to the NY Daily News, when Joan checked into a Manhattan clinic two weeks ago, she was expecting doctors to perform an endoscopy, a pretty routine outpatient procedure. Unfortunately once they were in there, they discovered something not-right on her vocal cords and Joan’s personal doctor asked if he could biopsy it. However, medical experts say that a removing something from a person’s vocal cords is the kind of thing that should be performed in a hospital, not a clinic that deals primarily with digestive issues.

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Joan Rivers’s Funeral Ended Up Being The Hollywood Event She Had Wanted

September 7, 2014 / Posted by:

The funeral for comedian, life legend, and QVC vanguard Joan Rivers was held today in New York, and it was originally reported that Joan was going to be tragically denied a glamorous showbiz send-off in exchange for something more tasteful and solemn (aka BORING). But I guess Joan caught wind of this up at the plastic surgeon’s office in Heaven (her first stop after meeting Jesus and dragging him for looking like a New Testament Jared Leto) and flew back to earth to remind her daughter Melissa that you can’t spell the word ‘funeral’ without F-U-N, because it sounds like Joan’s memorial ended up being a bit more true to the spirit of Joan. »

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The Legendary Joan Rivers Has Died

September 4, 2014 / Posted by:

CANCEL AWARD SHOW SEASON FOREVER! Joan Rivers is no longer here to tell those bitches what a mess they look. Melissa Rivers announced that her mother died today at the age of 81:

“It is with great sadness that I announce the death of my mother, Joan Rivers. She passed peacefully at 1:17pm surrounded by family and close friends. My son and I would like to thank the doctors, nurses, and staff of Mount Sinai Hospital for the amazing care they provided for my mother. Cooper and I have found ourselves humbled by the outpouring of love, support, and prayers we have received from around the world. They have been heard and appreciated. My mother’s greatest joy in life was to make people laugh. Although that is difficult to do right now, I know her final wish would be that we return to laughing soon.”

Joan Rivers was pretty much fine up until last week when she stopped breathing and went into cardiac arrest during a simple endoscopic procedure at a clinic in Manhattan. Doctors put Joan in a medically-induced coma before putting her on life support. Recently, Melissa moved her out of ICU and into a private room so she could be with her family and friends as she made her way to the afterworld and prayed she wouldn’t have to share a room with Elizabeth Taylor and a microwave.

Joan’s decades-long career started in the 1950s when she played Barbra Streisand’s lesbian lover in a short play called Driftwood. Joan thought she was going to be a theater actress, but that shit changed when she started doing stand-up in the 60s. Joan got her big break when she was on The Tonight Show and Johnny Carson told her how funny she was. Joan was on The Tonight Show regularly and filled in for him many times. Their friendship was flushed down the toilet years later when she hosted a late-night show on FOX. Joan was still hustling and working up until her death. She was the host of Fashion Police, hosted her own online show In Bed With Joan and still her had line for QVC. May a QVC crystal never shimmer again. Many didn’t agree with a lot of the stuff that Joan said, but she was a trailblazer, a pioneer, a legendary comedian and she never gave one fuck.

Rest in peace, Dot Matrix. May your heaven be a place where the angels always look busted so you can make fun of them for the rest of eternity.

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Joan Rivers Is Currently On Life Support

August 30, 2014 / Posted by:

I figured if there was any time to post a gorgeous picture of Joan Rivers serving up stunning 80s pink taffeta realness with the most glamorous creature in the universe, Miss Piggy, it was now. On Thursday night, Melissa Rivers released a statement regarding the status of her mother’s condition after Joan’s heart stopped working during a procedure at a clinic, saying that Joan was in resting comfortably in a coma (which made me hopeful, because if daytime TV has taught me anything, it’s that people wake up from comas all the time).

But today TMZ is bringing us the shitty news that Joan Rivers has been put on life support, and that her family will have the next couple days to decide when to turn the machines off. TMZ says that Joan’s family is hopeful that an angel dressed like Loretta Castorini will descend from Heaven and tell her to snap out of it, and the NY Daily News says she’s surrounded by her family at this time.

I was under the impression that Joan would out-live us all (considering she’s had considerable upgrades done in the past 20 or so years) so I don’t know what to think. I definitely don’t want to think about her being escorted up to Heaven by the ghost of Spike, and I DEFINITELY don’t want to think about poor Melissa having to make the decision to pull the plug on her own mother (too sad). But I suppose if sad shit is mean to happen, at least Joan herself can tell me everything is going to be OK (skip to the 23:27 mark and get your finest Joan Rivers for QVC scarf ready to dab at your eyes):

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