Category: Sadness

Fyvush Finkel Has Died

August 15, 2016 / Posted by:

The New York Times says that Fyvush Finkel passed into the afterlife at the age of 93 on Sunday at his home in Manhattan. I don’t know how he got there, but I choose to believe it was riding on a beautiful silk printed bow tie. Fyvush’s son confirmed the news to The New York Times, adding that his father had some heart problems leading up to his death.


Shannen Doherty’s Cancer Has Spread

August 1, 2016 / Posted by:

Because 2016 has to keep showing us that it’s a vicious cunt monster, Shannen Doherty says that her breast cancer spread to her lymph nodes and it may have spread to other parts of her body. Fuck 2016 and fuck us humans for not having hamster cheeks so we can store a bunch food and  hibernate through the rest of this crap year.

It’s The End Of An Era: Miss Cleo Has Died

July 26, 2016 / Posted by:

In case you couldn’t tell from the millions of “I wonder if she saw it coming” jokes on Twitter and everywhere else, the legendary Miss Cleo (born name: Youree Dell Harris) has died. Miss Cleo died at a hospital in Palm Beach County, Florida this morning. She was only 53 years old.

Miss Cleo’s rep tells TMZ that she was battling that mega asshole cancer and checked into a hospice center last week. Miss Cleo was surrounded by her friends and family at the time of her death.

The iconic TV psychic and Joanne the Scammer’s inspiration made the 90s a lot more fun. Youree Harris, who was born and raised in the US, slapped a manufactured Jamaican accent on her tongue to play “Miss Cleo” in a series of masterpiece commercials for the Psychic Readers Network from around 1997 to 2003. Miss Cleo quickly became a pop culture icon. Miss Cleo left Psychic Readers Network after the Federal Trade Commission charged the company and her with deceptive advertising, among other things. Miss Cleo was never indicted.

Once she left PRN, Miss Cleo mainly stayed out of the spotlight, but she did voice the character of  Auntie Poulet in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City in 2002 and she publicly come out as a lesbian in 2006. And in 2014, Miss Cleo made a comeback of sorts. She was in the documentary Hotline and starred in a commercial for French Toast Crunch (screen shot above). The Psychic Readers Network later sued Youree for that commercial claiming that they own the rights to “Miss Cleo.

She spoke to Vice in 2014 about her career and back then, she said she was still working as a phone psychic and had customers from all over the world:

Oh, yeah, my clients are international, sweetie. I have clients in New Zealand, Australia, a few here in Toronto, a bunch all over the US, Jamaica, obviously. Honey, that’s how I make my money. I’ve got kids and grandchildren; I like being able to help.

A piece of my teen self who used to live for watching Miss Cleo commercials in the morning after “calling in sick” to school has died today along with Miss Cleo. I’m going to need 2016 to call me now, so I can curse that bitch out for taking all of our legends.

Rest in peace, Miss Cleo.



Garry Marshall Has Died

July 19, 2016 / Posted by:

Garry Marshall, the ball of sunshine who seemed to be one of the rare non-assholes in Hollywood, is now in heaven, making the angels laugh while giving them Werther’s Originals. (In my mind, Garry Marshall was the kind of pepaw who always had a pocketful of Werther’s.) Garry’s publicist tells Deadline that he died from complications of pneumonia following a stroke at a hospital in Burbank, CA today. Garry was 81. His family gave this statement to TMZ:

“He loved telling stories, making people laugh, and playing softball, winning numerous championships.  Even at age 81, he had a record this year of 6 – 1 pitching for his team.”

Garry’s IMDB is a treasure trove of YES. Your eyeballs have probably spent approximately 5,000 hours of your life watching something Garry was a part of. Garry started off as a joke writer for comedians and that led to him writing on The Tonight Show and The Dick Van Dyke Show, which led to him creating (or co-creating) and producing television jewels like The Odd Couple, Happy Days, Mork & Mindy and Laverne & Shirley, which as everyone knows co-starred his sister Penny Marshall.

In the early 80s, Garry started directing movies and his first big hit was The Flamingo Kid. Through the 80s, Garry gave us gifts like Overboard and Beaches, and in the 90s, he gave us Pretty Woman, Frankie and Johnny, The Other Sister, Runaway Bride and Exit to Eden. In the 00s, Garry directed The Princess Diaries 1 & 2, Raising Helen, Georgia Rule and all those holiday movies.

Since Garry did it all, he also acted in a bunch of TV shows and movies like Soapdish, A League Of Their Own, Murphy Brown and Never Been Kissed.

There are a million Garry Marshall-made clips to choose from to end this post with, but I’m going to go with one of the best scenes from the 1987 masterpiece Overboard featuring the iconic Tofutti Klein!

Rest in peace, Garry.



Courtney Stodden Had A Miscarriage

July 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Just a little under two weeks ago, Courtney Stodden, the second closest thing to our modern day Aphrodite (Shauna Sand being the closet thing, of course), took her growing fetus dome out for a good old-fashioned strut on the pap stroll, and she also recently posted a picture of her bare bump on Instagram. But sadly, sometime last week Courtney had a miscarriage. Courtney’s manager Gina Rodriguez gave this statement to the media last night:

“It is with a heavy heart to inform you that last week Courtney Stodden suffered a heartbreaking miscarriage. Courtney and her husband, Doug, are at an emotional loss for words and are using this time to grieve with their close family and friends. Please respect their privacy as the couple try to cope with losing their precious baby and seek the support they both need.”

A quick minute after Doug Hutchison’s sperm fish humped into one of Courtney’s ovary eggs, she announced the news of her first pregnancy before the iguana piss on the pee stick was even dry. Courtney said that she was only 4 weeks, but that she was forced to announce the news because someone leaked it. That was back in mid-May. So if I do the math (“Please don’t without help from an adult.” – every math teacher I’ve had), Courtney was around 12 weeks.

Courtney confirmed the sad news that she lost her baby, the one she was hoping would be a gayby, on Twitter last night:

On another note, Gina Rodriguez is Courtney Stodden’s rep? I know that The CW doesn’t exactly have HBO money, but are they not paying Jane The Virgin enough?


Debbie Rowe Has Cancer

July 5, 2016 / Posted by:

TMZ says that Michael Jackson’s ex-wife and Prince and Paris Jackson’s mommy Debbie Rowe has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer at 57. Sources say that Debbie will undergo surgery sometime in the next week, but that’s about all that’s known.

When TMZ first reported yesterday that Debbie was about to battle breast cancer, they said that Paris Jackson didn’t know and probably didn’t want to know about her mama’s medical situation. They claimed that after Michael died seven years ago, Paris got close with Debbie and that made things awkward with the Jacksons. About a year ago, Paris started going through some stuff, and eventually stopped talking to Debbie (something Debbie thinks the Jacksons were responsible for). Basically, things got messy, which isn’t exactly surprising when you’re talking about the Jacksons. TMZ says Debbie hadn’t spoken to Paris in over a year, and she was sad that she wouldn’t have her daughter by her side for emotional support while she went through her breast cancer fight.

However, today TMZ is taking an eraser to their original story and rubbing out that part about Paris deleting her mama from her life. Sources close to the Jacksons (probably Tito?) tell TMZ that shortly after Paris found out that Debbie had been diagnosed with breast cancer, she texted her mom “I love you.” The source sort of elaborates on what broke Paris and Debbie’s relationship; apparently Debbie had rules and Paris didn’t like that. The source goes on to say that Paris plans on getting together with Debbie after her surgery.

Whatever happened, I’m glad that it sounds like Paris and Debbie might have put it behind them. And if any of those Jacksons try to make trouble for Debbie and Paris on the day they reunite, I hope Debbie is lucid enough to buzz for the head nurse. If there’s anyone who can bust up some drama, it’s an “I’ve been working too many hours to put up with your nonsense” nurse.

Pic: Splash

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