Category: Katherine Heigl

Katherine Heigl Just Can’t Catch A Break

February 25, 2017 / Posted by:

Katherine Heigl just can’t seem to retrieve her career from the kitty litter box. It seems like it was only yesterday on Grey’s Anatomy that she was killing Jeffrey Dean Morgan so he could get his heart transplant, but he died anyway and everyone loved her. But then she pissed on her own hit movie, pissed on her own hit TV show, and generally acted like a cooze. Now Katherine can barely get a sad tv legal drama past the premiere.

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If It Wasn’t For John Mayer, Katherine Heigl Wouldn’t Be Married To Her Husband, Or Something

February 16, 2017 / Posted by:

Katherine Heigl’s latest comeback TV show, Doubt, premiered last night on CBS, and if you missed it and want to see it, it can be found in a box full of Cat’s Pride litter. It flopped.

But before Heigl learned that she may have another flop on her hands, she pushed Doubt on The Late Late Show with James Corden. Heigl and her husband, Josh Kelley, have been married for almost ten years and James Corden said that he heard (through her publicist, probably) that John Mayer had something to do with their love sprouting like a rash you get after fucking John Mayer.

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Katherine Heigl Had A Secret Baby Almost A Month Ago

January 17, 2017 / Posted by:

It felt like Katherine Heigl was pregnant for way longer than the average woman is pregnant. Now we know that she did give birth, it just happened last month. Oh well, that extra time was probably appreciated by Katherine’s biggest fan Shonda Rhimes, who used that additional month to put together a really nice gift basket to go with the card she sent that says: “Good luck kid, xoxo Aunty Shondie.

A rep for Katherine and her husband Josh Kelley confirmed the news to People that she gave birth to their third child on December 20th. She had a little boy that they named Joshua Bishop Kelley Jr. Josh Jr. joins a group of celebrity kids who I hope one day write a tell-all, which includes Katherine and Josh’s adopted daughters, 8-year-old Naleigh Moon and 4-year-old Adelaide Marie Hope.

I have no idea why Katherine decided to keep the birth of Josh Jr. a secret for so long. I know Katherine Heigl isn’t getting those front-page People covers anymore, but she does have a blog. I guess I just assumed she would have announced Baby Josh Jr.s birth there (she only talked about the baby shower, which sort of looked like a fancy retirement party for a rich lady florist). Maybe she’s waiting to debut Baby Josh Jr. in her next kitty litter commercial. It would be the purrrrfect tie-in for a litter designed specifically for kittens.

Pic: Wenn.com

Dear Katherine Heigl: Seth Rogen Doesn’t Hate You

August 9, 2016 / Posted by:

As most of us already know, Katherine Heigl took a flamethrower to the bridges connected to Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow shortly after the release of Knocked Up in 2007. Katherine accused Knocked Up of being “sexist,” among other things. Ever since then, she’s tried to apologize for crapping all over Knocked Up. Most recently, Katherine dabbed at her teary eyes on Howard Stern’s SiriusXM show. Katherine claimed that when she ran into Seth and Judd at a restaurant, she tried to talk to them, but they treated her like a long pube in their sandwich. Katherine said she’d love to work with Seth again, but doesn’t think that will ever happen since he hates her. Well, Seth Rogen has something to say about that. And according to him, it’s not like that. He doesn’t hate you, Heigl.

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Katherine Heigl Is Knocked Up

June 23, 2016 / Posted by:

But unlike the Judd Apatow movie she starred in almost ten years ago, this knocked up experience won’t end with Katherine Heigl publicly shitting all over the people she worked on it with. It will end with a baby!

37-year-old Katherine and her 34-year-old husband Josh Kelley released a statement to People magazine confirming the news. If you thought Katherine Heigl was bad, just wait for raging pregnancy hormones Katherine Heigl!

The Kelley clan is thrilled to announce that we are expecting a third addition to our family. This is an incredibly exciting time for us filled with hope, anticipation, and hormones. Well, only I’m filled with hormones, but everyone in the family gets to enjoy them. We couldn’t be more excited to be able to finally share this news with our fans and are looking forward to continuing to share the journey with you all.

As mentioned above in their statement, Katherine and Josh already have two daughters. Back in 2009, Katherine and Josh adopted a little girl from Korea they named Naleigh Moon. Three years later they adopted another little girl from Louisiana they named Adelaide Marie Hope.

Katherine and Josh tell People that this new baby will be a boy and he’s due in January. Now let’s guess Baby Heigl-Kelly’s name, shall we? Katherine explained long ago that “Naleigh” was a name her older sister Margaret created by mashing together their mom’s name (Nancy) with her middle name (Leigh). Maybe they’ll combine Katherine and Josh’s first names, like Jorine or Kash. Personally I like Kash. It will make for a funny joke the next time her agent books her another kitty litter commercial. “I’ll do it, but not for the money. I already have all the Kash I need. Lolololol but seriously, how much does that litter commercial pay.

Here are some pictures of the Kitty Litter Kween eating a granola bar and wearing a baggy bump-hiding shirt at LAX last month.

Pics: Wenn.com

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Katherine Heigl Will Be Back To Terrorizing TV

May 15, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s really important you learn your place in THE BIZ. It’s a fickle mistress and will turn on you very quickly. The second you aren’t looking is the second it’ll snap down on your hand and, whoosh, it’s gone. You also really have to remember to not shit where you eat. Unless you like eating shit. And I’m assuming Katherine Heigl loves to eat shit because she’s been eating it as breakfast, lunch and dinner for years. She’s also been putting out a pretty constant stream of shit – from Killers to The Ugly Truth to State of Affairs. And of course her masterpiece, the kitty litter commercials. Which really are about shit. Well, now she’s back to give TV another shit. I mean shot.

Deadline Hollywood is reporting that Katherine’s new show for CBS, Doubt, has been picked up. No, sadly it isn’t a show adaptation of the Meryl Streep movie with Katherine playing a younger, crime solving and hard drinking version of her. Doubt is one of those run of the mill procedurals and falls into the legal genre. You may have heard about Doubt previously because Laverne Cox is a series regular, making it the first series to have a series regular transgender character played by a transgender person. I guess the scales always need to be balanced. Progress for transgender people balanced out with Katherine Heigl’s brand of insufferable.

The show was just ordered to series based on a pilot that was shot twice. Katherine was one of the changes made to the cast when they decided to shoot it again. The first time round, apparently, they didn’t pick it up, but still wanted to make it work. At what point does someone in charge of retooling say, “Hey! I know what will make this work! Katherine Heigl! People love her!“?

Pic: Wenn

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