But, Of Course: Lindsay Lohan Is Back In That Gotti Movie

Earlier today, Marc Fiore, the executive producer of Gotti: Three Generations, waved his hands and made a big announcement that Lindsay Lohan was no longer in the running to play Victoria Gotti, because her management team was acting out the word every court-appointed therapist on Long Island writes on White Oprah’s file: DELUSIONAL. Cut to this afternoon, Marc Fiore waved his hands and made a big announcement that Lindsay Lohan is back in the movie, but has signed on to play John Gotti’s daughter-in-law Kim instead. This is the role that Kim Kardashian auditioned for.

The stunt queen of producers, Marc Fiore, tells Radar that after he cut ties with LiLo’s team, she personally called him to smooth things over. Maro took her back and also signed for another movie of his called Mob Streets.

You know that little extra sharpness that comes out in your voice when you scream “THIS BITCH” at the Extreme Couponer in front of you at the supermarket checkout counter? Bring out that same sharpness when you read this: “THIS MOVIE!”

Tomorrow, Marc Fiore will get on his usual corner to shout about how LiLo is going to don a fat suit to play Gotti and John Travolta is going to bring out his secret “Sandy from Grease” wig to play Victoria. Marc must live in a cottage next to a bridge, because he’s definitely trolling us all.

Meanwhile, you haven’t read one line I’ve written (WHAT’S NEW?!!!), because your eyes haven’t left the extremely entertaining frontline photo bomber in the picture above. Let’s be real, she should play EVERY role in the Gotti movie.

Tyler Perry Says Spike Lee Can Go To Hell

I must have been in line for my second helping of whatever when Spike Lee and Tyler Perry went at it, because I had no idea that Oprah’s runner-up boo and the real world Jiminy Cricket hated each other like that. But apparently they’ve been swatting at each other ever since Spike used the words “coonery and buffoonery” to describe Tyler’s TV shows “House of Payne” and “Meet the Browns.” Spike went further by saying Tyler’s work “harkens back to ‘Amos n’ Andy.‘”

Well, you don’t mess with a grown man who can jog in a silicone breastplate and expect not to get some feedback. At a press conference for Madea Could Eat A Tub Of Sour Cream For Two Hours And You’d Still Pay To Watch This Shit, Tyler had some shankin’ words for Spike. Tyler is putting the MAD in Madea:

“I’m so sick of hearing about damn Spike Lee. Spike can go straight to hell! You can print that. I am sick of him talking about me, I am sick of him saying, ‘this is a coon, this is a buffoon.’ I am sick of him talking about black people going to see movies. This is what he said: ‘you vote by what you see,’ as if black people don’t know what they want to see.

I am sick of him — he talked about Whoopi, he talked about Oprah, he talked about me, he talked about Clint Eastwood. Spike needs to shut the hell up! I’ve never seen Jewish people attack Seinfeld and say, ‘This is a stereotype.’

“I’ve never seen Italian people attack The Sopranos, I’ve never seen Jewish people complaining about Mrs. Doubtfire or Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. I never saw it.

It’s always black people, and this is something that I cannot undo. Booker T. Washington and W.E.B. DuBois went through the exact same thing; Langston Hughes said that Zora Neale Hurston, the woman who wrote Their Eyes Were Watching God, was a new version of the ‘darkie’ because she spoke in a southern dialect and a Southern tone. And I’m sick of it from us; we don’t have to worry about anybody else trying to destroy us and take shots because we do it to ourselves.”

Tyler Perry has wigs that weigh more than Spike Lee (<— has nothing to do with this story, but facts never hurt anybody) and he was making a few good points until he compared himself to Booker T. Washington. Madea can go to hell for that one.

Somebody tell Spike Lee that he doesn’t need to go to the storage room to get a step ladder. I’ll gladly lift him up so that he can slap the glasses off of Madea.

via HuffPo

Afternoon Crumbs

The nursery for Mimi’s twins doesn’t have one life-sized rhinestone unicorn or a mural of her giving birth to a double complete rainbow! How are they going to know they’re in the right place?! – Celebitchy

The broccoli boring dress Kate Middleton is wearing will sell out in 3..2.. it’s sold out – Lainey Gossip

Does baby porcupine with hiccups know the “picture a blinking neon sign” trick? – TDW

“It won’t cost much! Just your voice!” – The Superficial

Farthole extraordinaire Vince Neil still gets the strippers (site NSFW) – Drunken Stepfather

Lil Wayne’s album cover probably really is his grade school graduation picture – Sandra Rose

Oh, Marc Anthony is just taking a quick nap – Towleroad

Why does Steve Nash have the haircut my mom got at the JcPenney salon in 1983? – Boston Barstool Sports

JLo stole my Easter mass outfit! – Popsugar

Charlize Theron stole my back-up Easter mass outfit (sans the black tee) – Hollywood Tuna

I kept scrolling, scrolling, scrolling and scrolling hoping that I’d get to the inevitable Chad White peen picture, and nothing. Feel my pain. – The Berry

Meanwhile, Basement Baby made an Eiffel Tower out of old clothespins and wig glue – Just Jared

In today’s performance, the part of me will be played by this dude and the part of my chihuahua will be played by a bulldog – Cityrag

Ben Affleck pulls out of The Great Gatsby – ICYDK

If you turned this picture of Olivia Munn upside/down, wouldn’t her hair look like two crows trying to kiss? Happy 420! – Popoholic

Fred Durst spent his Sunday exactly how you would expect Fred Durst to spend his Sunday – Hollywood Rag

Halle Berry and Gabriel Aubry play nice – I’m Not Obsessed

Lady Gaga Hates Weird Al (UPDATE: She Says She Doesn’t)

Weird Al Yancovic got the idea to do a completely non-offensive parody of “Born This Way” which would make fun of all the art project shit Lady Caca throws on her body. Weird Al presented the idea to Caca’s camp (which really is a perfect name for Caca’s camp) for approval, and they told him she needed to hear the song. Weird Al worked quickly and submitted the lyrics to Caca’s camp. They turned around and said that her cuntness needed to HEAR the song, not read it. Weird Al recorded it, bowed at her hooves and delivered the song on a blue royal velvet pillow. Caca’s camp came back with a definite N-O.

Weird Al will not release the song and all the proceeds from the sale of the single he planned to donate to the Human Rights Campaign will come to a grand total of $0.00. Weird Al was pretty nice about the whole thing on his blog and ended with this:

Man, I wish you all could have had a chance to see the video we were going to do for this thing. It was going to be BEYOND AWESOME, and disturbing on many levels. Oh well.

Anyway, I realize that this may be way more information than many people would care to know about the whole situation, but I just wanted to set the record straight before any crazy rumors started. There’s really nothing more that I have to say about it now, so hopefully I won’t have to be answering questions about Lady Gaga in interviews for the next 20 years.

I know this news is disappointing to many of you. Believe me… nobody is more disappointed than I am.

Thanks for listening. I’ll keep you posted.

Weird Al should understand that it wasn’t Caca’s decision, it was GOD’S!!! God not only writes the lyrics to her songs, but he also makes the decision as to which musical parodies she should approve. God spoke to her! And by that I mean she shoved a plastic tube up her ass, put the other end in her ear and farted. Unfortunately, there were two beats in her fart and that means “no.” She would’ve said “yes” if there were three beats in her fart. Oh. Well. Blame it on the fartbeats. And God.

UPDATE: Even though Weird Al says that Gaga’s manager shut him down, she claims she’s never heard the song and loves his work. And just like that, Gaga has revealed her undiscovered talent for backpedaling fast in 10″ platform heels.

UPDATE II: Weird Al has updated his blog to say that Gaga’s manager admitted to him that he never played the song for her. Gaga has since heard it, approved it and it will go on his next album. Weird Al has also kept his promise and will donate profits to the HRC.

(Thanks to everybody who sent this in!)

Open Post: Hosted By The Starburst Prom Dress

Kerrin Frey of River Falls, Wisconsin used thousands of Starburst wrappers and spent 6 years weaving together a prom dress for her daughter Tara. Your first thought might be that why in the name of an OCD sugar junkie would anyone use up dozens of hours of their life to make a Starburst dress? I thought the same thing until I got my answer in the form of the face Tara’s boyfriend made upon seeing the dress he’d have to stand next to the entire night. If you ran his face through the facial expression translator, it would read: “This is not the kind of candy I thought I was going to get tonight.” It’s also the same face my dog makes whenever I take him for a morning walk while wearing torn sweat shorts and a Dollywood t-shirt.

Kerrin has already started making Tara’s future wedding dress using the condom wrappers her daughter will never tear into because she wears shit like this to her prom.

And is 420 really getting to me, or did you also watch Kerrin’s folding skills and think to yourself that she could probably roll a mean joint?

via Kare 11 (Thanks LA)

Lindsay Lohan Has Lost Another Job

In a development that is about as shocking as a drunk ass White Oprah having to take a cab home because she “misplaced” her car in the T.G.I. Friday’s parking lot again, the executive producer of Gotti: Three Generations tells TMZ that Lindsay Lohan will not play the role of Victoria Gotti due to the fact that her “management team” kept making ridiculous demands during negotiations. Since when is White Oprah demanding a trailer with running vodka in the faucets and a king sized tanning bed considered ridiculous? The nerve of those producers.

When director Nick Cassavetes used the “scheduling conflicts” excuse to drop out of the movie, a source kept saying that it was only a matter of time before LiLo officially signed on since he was the main obstacle in her getting the role. But now executive producer Marc Fiore says the movie has shut its legs to LiLo’s management and they are looking for another actress to play Victoria. Marc put it like this, “I will only ride a merry-go-round with my kids. Maybe if Lindsay calls me up, we can talk about it.”

At this point, LiLo should agree to work for a half can of Red Bull, because she’s about as hireable as this guy. With that said, this movie is already a bloody mess that not even “the cleaner” can clean up. John Travolta as Gotti? The director prematurely quitting this bitch? LiLo showing up to the movie’s press conference even though she was not part of the cast? The producer telling the media that he’s no longer considering LiLo? The producer then saying that he will reconsider if she calls him? White Oprah crashing the set of the Wendy Williams show in full Victoria Gotti drag to proclaim that she’s the one who should get the role (I made that up, but you know it’s going to happen)?

They should just keep this pre-production foolery go on as long as possible, because it’s a million times more entertaining than the movie is going to be.