Category: Take Your Broke Ass Home

Tyga Paid Off His Unpaid Jewelry Bill, Then Got Served With Another Lawsuit

November 25, 2016 / Posted by:

What a birthday for Tyga! Seen above exiting a jewelry store last week while carrying a purse and humming “La la la la, wait ’til I get my money right,” Tyga is back at it with the shady-ass financials. Remember back in August when jeweler Jason of Beverly Hills demanded that Tyga pay up the $200,000 he owed on some tacky chains? Well TMZ is reporting that up is down, left is right, and Tyga has paid the full balance he owed with his own money, and not a dime came from his teenage girlfriend/landlady/sugar mama Kylie Jenner.

We’re told Tyga recently forked over $100k, plus some interest, to celeb jeweler Jason of Beverly Hills. This represents the full balance owed after Jason won a judgment against him … as we’ve reported, Tyga’s using his cash, not Kylie’s, to settle the bill. It’s a huge relief for Kylie, since Jason’s lawyers planned to make her reveal her financial info as part of their debtor’s exam on Tyga. Best part of this gift to Kylie? It can’t be repossessed.

But just as Tyga was riding high on the crest of a paid debt and some birthday boobs, he got served with papers.

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Nick Gordon Probably Won’t Pay That $36 Million He Owes Bobbi Kristina Brown’s Estate

November 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Yesterday we learned that the real-life Lifetime movie villain Nick Gordon had been ordered by a judge to pay $36 million to the late Bobbi Kristina Brown’s estate after he was found liable for her death last year. Bobbi Kristina Brown’s estate might not want to hold their breath while they’re waiting for Nick’s money. Sources tell TMZ there isn’t a great chance that Nick is ever going to pay it.

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A Bankruptcy Judge Isn’t Happy That 50 Cent Keeps Instagramming Pictures Of Money

February 22, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s been seven months since 50 Cent tried to weasel his way out of cutting a $7 million check for that sex tape lawsuit by declaring that his bank account is about as empty as the space between his butt cheeks after Vivica Fox packed up her tongue and split. And ever since then, he’s been using his Instagram account to prove just how “bankrupt” he is. Which is to say, not fucking very.

50 tackiness knows no bounds: he’s Instagrammed pictures of a mini-fridge filled with money, garbage cans full of cash, and, as you can see above, spelling out the word “broke” in $100 bills (never has Benjamin Franklin’s “I can’t with youface been more appropriate). Well, it looks like 50’s days of money selfies might finally be over. According to CNN Money (via NYDN), a judge has started side-eyeing all that Instagram bragging and wants 50 to start explaining where his broke ass is getting all that money from.

During a hearing in Connecticut last Thursday, Judge Ann Nevins said 50’s pictures showed a “lack of transparency” and was concerned that they might cause allegations of nondisclosure. She added that the process of bankruptcy needs to be transparent to inspire confidence in the process of declaring you’re broke, especially when the process becomes public (i.e. taking your lies to Instagram). Basically, Judge Ann pulled an “I got your number, hussy” on 50 Cent.

Not surprisingly, if you ask 2 Quarters’ lawyers about his financial situation, they maintain that he’s totally not lying about his busted bank balance. As of January, 50 reportedly owes almost $28.5 million to his creditors. Ugh, I’m so torn. On the one hand, my brain is telling me that 50 Cent is probably lying about being broke. On the other hand, my eyes are looking at that cheap flea market floor runner and thinking he might be telling the truth.

Pic: Instagram

Burt Reynolds Is Apparently Broke And Is Selling Off All His Stuff

November 29, 2014 / Posted by:

I already checked – that bearskin rug isn’t one of the items up for auction. However, pretty much everything else in his life is for sale, because Smokey is broke-y. Or was he The Bandit? I can never remember. Anyways, according to several sources (The Independent, The Daily Mail, the cashier at Publix who has to return the lobsters to the tank in the seafood department every time his credit card gets declined), sexual human mustache Burt Reynolds is currently in a bad way when it comes to personal finances. Burt hasn’t made a mortgage payment on his Florida home in four years and now owes more than $1.4 million. Burt tried to sell his mansion back in 2011 for $9 million, then later for $2.9 million, but it still hasn’t sold and Bank of America kind of wants their $1.4 million in overdue mortgage payments.

But Burt doesn’t have $1.4 million, so he’s been forced to sell his stuff. Next month, Burt will auction off more than 600 pieces of movie memorabilia and stuff from his house at the Palms Casino Resort in Las Vegas. Included in the sale is Burt’s red jacket from Smokey and the Bandit, a gold pocket watch that was given to him from Sally Field, a pair of boxing gloves signed by Muhammad Ali, a pair of cowboy boots that he wore in Striptease, a shitload of bolo ties and belt buckles, all of his People’s Choice Awards, and his Golden Globe for Boogie Nights. Question: is it weird that I totally want to buy those boots from Striptease?

God, this is just SO unfair! Sexy 70s legend Burt Reynolds shouldn’t have to sell all his bolo ties and cowboy hats just because he forgot to make a couple mortgage payments. Banks are just the worst sometimes. Chill out, Bank of America, it’s only $1.4 million!

And none of this giant garage sale business would have to happen if Burt’s beautiful ex-wife Loni Anderson would step in and take care of things with the bank. It wouldn’t even cost her a dime! All she has to do is flash that gorgeous million-dollar smile of hers and the bank would call it even.

Broke Bitch Tori Spelling Spent $6000 On A Birthday Party For Her Daughter

June 13, 2014 / Posted by:

Despite the fact that the words “Help me, I’m poor” fall out nearly every time she goes to open her mouth, Radar says that last weekend, Tori Spelling took her mind off The Deaner and his wandering peener’s return to Canada by dropping a shitload of money on a spa-themed birthday party for her daughter Stella McDermott. It looks like the check that Lifetime deposited into Tori’s account at Fame Whore Savings & Loan finally cleared. Now, I’m sure most 6-year-olds would have been cool with 45 minutes in the backyard sprinkler and a corner piece from Fudgie the Whale, but since Tori still believes she’s the poor man’s Goopy Paltrow (accent on the poor) here’s what she spent $6000 dollars on:

“The former Donna Martin spared no expense in making sure every detail was precise for the tot’s annual big day, including actresses dressed up as Disney characters, a stage with a full karaoke set-up; impeccable catering for all pallets, featuring fare ranging from sushi to mac & cheese to tamales, homemade cupcakes, cookies, a huge cake in the shape of a tube of pink lipstick, enormous baskets of organic fresh fruits. Stella’s pals also went home from the soiree with amazing swag bags, akin to a gifting suite for children.”

Of course, the human version of Janice the Muppet had to post every shameless detail of the party on her website to show who she was hustling for cash, and this year the Is Business That Bad? award goes to Sketchers and a juice company. It’s really too bad that The Deaner was filming up in Canada and had to miss it. “Oh, I wouldn’t say I missed anything; I’ve scored at least 10 times since I got off the plane! UP TOP! Come on Hooters girls, don’t leave me hanging. Drop the basket of wings and give your ol’ pal The Deaner a high five! I’ll also take a ‘low four’, if you know what I mean. Wink!”

Here’s more of Tori this past weekend, sans Deaner.

Pic: Tori Spelling.com, Splash

Lindsay Lohan Couldn’t Make A $300 Purchase Because Her Credit Cards Were Declined

April 1, 2014 / Posted by:

I never thought I’d live to see the day I’d have something in common with Lindsay Lohan (since I don’t inject my face with low-grade rubber cement and I haven’t fucked a Saudi businessmen for a stale bump of coke and half a pack of Parliaments) but I can completely relate to hearing the shameful words: “I’m sorry ma’am (they always rub salt in the wound by using “ma’am”) but your card was declined.” And trust me, I have been declined for amounts much, much lower than $300; so today, and only today, the Apricot Ashtray has my deepest sympathy.

According to Page Six, while shopping at Rag & Bone in Soho this weekend, Blohan shocked everyone in the store when she actually tried to pay for the clothes she wanted. However, her brilliant plan to try to be responsible backfired on her, because that broke bitch couldn’t find a credit card she hadn’t yet maxed out:

“Lindsay was trying to buy something for around $300 but her credit cards were declined. She looked really embarrassed and tried to negotiate before her friend finally stepped in and paid.”

Forget Oprah, bitch needs Suze Orman. It doesn’t matter how much she finds her truth or reaches for her light or whatever snake oil Oprah is selling these days, LiLo will be a professional freckled-faced fuck-up till the day she dies (which will be around 109, cause bitch is part-cockroach). Her life will always be a sticky mess, so why not get Suze Orman in there to gat least teach her how to manage it without going completely broke? “Lindsay, I see here that you spend $3,000 a month on Adderall, but if you switched to generic amphetamines, you could save nearly $900 a year and re-invest that money into a diverse portfolio of clear alcohols. And whenever you’re thinking about snorting coke residue off a dirty dick for $5, don’t forget to ask yourself: is this a need or a want?”

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