Several COVID-19 Cases Have Been Linked To The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally, Which Smash Mouth Played At
Earlier this month Smash Mouth performed at the 80th annual Sturgis Motorcycle Rally in South Dakota. Their concert was part of a ten-day festival that attracted 462,000 people, many of whom weren’t wearing masks or observing social distancing. Officials were obviously afraid that the rally would turn into a COVID-19 “super spreader event”, since a lot of attendees come from coronavirus hotspots like Florida and… well, isn’t Florida enough? Despite these fears and 60% of townspeople voting against the rally, the town of Sturgis decided to approve the festival. Their reasoning was that crowds would show up anyway, and they wanted to be prepared.
Welp, two weeks later, and color me shocked, but a bunch of coronavirus cases around the country have been traced back to the event. Whaddaya know, Smash Mouth frontman Steve Harwell declaring, “fuck that COVID shit” did dick all to stop the virus!
CNN says at least 7 cases in Nebraska’s Panhandle region and 15 cases in Minnesota have been tied back to the rally. One of those people in Minnesota has been hospitalized. Health officials say they’re expecting to see more cases in the coming days.
South Dakota health officials say that a person who worked at a Sturgis tattoo shop the nights of August 13-17th tested positive for the virus. So if you spot a chest tattoo of a topless chick straddling a Harley with the words, “STURGIS 2020, FUCK THAT COVID SHIT”, immediately stop making out with that big, goateed dude and get thee to a COVID testing center, STAT!
Officials also say a person who visited Sturgis’ One-Eyed Jack’s Saloon on August 11th from noon to 5:30 pm has also tested positive. Anybody who visited the tattoo shop or saloon on those dates should monitor their symptoms for 14 days after their visit. I mean, most of us would go the extra mile and quarantine too, but methinks these Sturgis Rally-goers aren’t the type to listen to “the man”.
As for Smash Mouth, I’m sure COVID-19 backed away from them when Steve Harwell puffed his chest. Or maybe COVID-19 is a big fan of one of my family’s favorite films, Rat Race:
Seriously, Mr. Bean deserves a retroactive Oscar for that shit. “It’s a race, it’s a race! I’m winning, I’m winning!”