Category: Sara Leal

Ashton Kutcher’s Dick Wrecked Scott Eastwood’s Relationship

April 10, 2015 / Posted by:

Scott Eastwood and his Tiny Size Chiclets teeth are everywhere, because Hollywood is trying to make him happen and he’s pushing that latest Nicholas Sparks turd about the love struggles of pretty, young white people. Clint Eastwood’s child was on Watch What Happens Live last night with Duckie from Pretty In Pink. Duckie was asked if it was awkward working with Ashton Kutcher since both of them bumped fuck parts with Demi Moore. Jon Cryer answered the question and the moment was all about him until Scott Eastwood’s attention whore ass slid on in with his own Ashton Kutcher story. Jon Cryer was TRYING TO TELL A GODDAMN STORY (Copyright: Paula Abdul) and Scott Eastwood just had to swoop in and steal the spotlight. Story of Duckie’s life….

Scott said that his girlfriend at the time cheated on him by passing her pussy to Ashton Kutcher who was still married to Demi Moore. All the way back in the olden days of 2011, two chicks took a ride on Ashton’s douche stick after partying with him at the Hard Rock Hotel in San Diego. One of them sold her story to UsWeekly and spilled all the details including how Ashton spilled in her cooch since he didn’t wear a condom. She also later made a masterpiece confession video in a rented house. Scott also said that his friend’s girlfriend was the other chick Ashton boned that night. Ashton’s San Diego bareback fuck party was apparently one of the reasons why his and Demi’s marriage died. Scott says he isn’t mad at Ashton or his ex-girlfriend. Why would he be? Ashton’s wandering peen gave him a story to tell on a talk show while pushing his movie.

That thirsty “I ain’t one to gossip” screen shot on the video below tells you everything:

You can practically hear Scott Eastwood’s b-hole open as he squirts with excitement over finally getting to use that little nugget. So douchey… So smuggy… So smarmy… On that note, I’d definitely take The Longest Ride on that shit.

Here’s Scott Eastwood and his co-star Britt Robertson posing on the top of the Empire State Building yesterday.

Pics: Wenn.com

Hobo Jesus On The Lack Of Honesty And Integrity In The Media, Or Something

October 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Ashton Kutcher had 4 minutes to spare on Wednesday and he had two choices on how to spend that time: take a crash course on how to put on a condom before fucking his side whores; or let out a long-winded douche hole rambling monologue on chime.in about how the media needs gatekeepers and how the printer is out of paper. AssStain went with the second choice, the WRONG choice, and I don’t even know what came out of his mouth.

Ashton’s brain gargled all of his thoughts and then his mouthed queefed a giant load of meaningless crap. Ashton not only looks like a homeless conspiracy theorist who rattles on about sneaky clouds when you put a quarter in his cup, but he also talks like one too. This is the gist of what poured out of Ashton’s colostomy bag mouth:

I started thinking (Ed note: You should’ve stopped there) about that in relation to social media and media today. The threshold to have literature printed and distributed — the cost structure went down to zero dollars. Thereby, there is no gatekeeper of the truth. We are our own editors, and our own publishers. We are our own printers. Therefore people can bastardize the truth in any way, shape or truth they want.

We really have to take it upon ourselves to instill a level of honesty in our works and the media we create and we share with each other. And be certain we are doing our own diligence to ensure what we’re saying is for the benefit of another…using our full capacity to share the truth.

Let me fix that for you, Ashton. “We are our own editors, and our own publishers. We are our own printers. Therefore people can release a 4-minute-long fart of distraction to mask the scent of the cooch cream they raw dog fucked out of the trick they cheated on their wife with.”

P.S. – I thought about Ashton’s deep words, and if I was a printer, I’d totally be a broken Epson.

via HuffPo

Sara Leal’s Video Confession About Her Night With Ashton Kutcher Is Mesmerizing

October 13, 2011 / Posted by:

If you’re like me and you’ve got time and no more brain cells to kill, moan through the commercial and watch this mess of a video from UsWeekly of Ashton Kutcher’s one-night lady love Sara Leal talking about the special night when the cherubs cooed, roses blew out the sweet scent of love and Demi Moore’s husband stuck his unwrapped douche stick into her poon. Sara says the same crap she said in the print interview but this time she says it to the camera and the effect is something special. The soft lighting that makes her look like an innocent sweet demure angel, the rented house, the casual pose on a grassy knoll like she’s starring in an ad campaign for Coldwater Creek…. It all works for me.

I mean, this bareback bitch is going on about how she would’ve never screwed on Ashton if she knew he was still Demi and they scatter in shots of her awkwardly smiling and giving us bland come hither looks under a tree while she keeps her legs closed FOR ONCE! If this whole “fucking married celebrity men for a tabloid check” thing doesn’t work for her, she has an amazing career ahead of her in karaoke video modeling. She look so damn bored. I guess they told her to recreate the emotions she felt when Ashton raw dog dicked her.

This almost looks like an infomercial for a new product called Slutvitra. You know, it’s for the douchebag celebrity husband who is too full of chicken shit to dump his wife himself. So he takes some Slutvitra and before you know it’s there a 4-page scandalous expose in a tabloid magazine and the deed is done for him. He gets the free publicity and now everyone will really think he’s the new Charlie Sheen (he’s not).

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