What In The Hell Kind Of GD Outfit Is This?

Leave it to Basement Baby to recreate Lisa Bonet’s favorite back in the day pool outfit using a crochet hanging fruit basket, black licorice, Tina Knowles’ old freakum pants and a hat she snatched from the Gardner as he trimmed the shrubs near her basement window. There’s a good reason for why Tina stuffed those pants into the bottom of her old clothes box in the basement, because she knows that anything that makes your crotch look like it’s hyperventilating should never see the light of day again.

This mess looks like a still from a lost episode of Good Times where J.J. dressed in drag as Thelma to fuck with Keith. Dy-NO-mite. Actually, since I put it that way, this really is the look after all.

Here’s more of Solange Pam Grier-ing all over the place at the Elle Women in Music concert in Hollywood last night.

Sandra Bullock Denies Humping On Ryan Reynolds

Perhaps Sandra Bullock was afraid that ScarJo, The Bride of Mumblestein, would send Frankenstein’s monster after her ass, because she denied that she’s rubbing her chocha on Ryan Reynolds’ ribbed (for everyone’s pleasure) abs. That was a good move on Sandy’s part, because I don’t think she would’ve seen the mumbling wrath of ScarJo coming since the remake of The Shaggy Dog was blocking her eyesight. Every mother in the world was itching to grab Sandy’s clip-on bangs in a fist and hack that shit off with a pair of kitchen scissors. My sister spent most of her childhood with wonky bangs that looked like they were cut with a vegetable chopper. My mom’s rule was that if your bang tips kissed your eyelashes, hand her the scissors. No bang/lash love allowed! But back to Sandy’s denial.

When Al Roker from Today (via People) asked Sandy about the rumor that’s fucking on ScarJo’s seconds, she said this:

“I think there will be a collective sigh amongst women across the United States when I say he’s not my lovah. He’s just an amazing friend for 10 years … but I don’t get his loving after dark.”

Okay, Sandra. We won’t believe that your bangs are hiding the hickey that Ryan gave you on your forehead. Okay.

Here’s a few more pictures of Sandy’s bang issue as well as a few pictures of ScarJo looking like a Chrysler hood ornament (sans wings).

ScarJo Thinks Sandra Bullock Is A Man-Hungry Tramp

Ryan Reynolds has never held up his hand and admitted that he’s healing his broken heart by doing ab crunches while Sandra Bullock rides on top (Ryan Reynolds does ab crunches in his sleep, so of course he does it during sex times), but apparently they are dating. And apparently, ScarJo isn’t happy about it. One of ScarJo’s friends tells The National Enquirer (aka The Grain of Salt Times) that she called Sandra a “man-hungry tramp” among other things.

ScarJo still has feelings for Ryan and thinks it was wrong of Sandra to get on that shit before his divorce is final. The source also added these fightin’ words: “She still has intense feelings for Ryan and feels Sandra isn’t respecting that at all. Sandra may be known as ‘America’s Sweetheart,’ but she’s NO sweetheart to Scarlett.”

Whoever at The National Enquirer wrote this mess has obviously been watching reruns of Laverne & Shirley and/or Three’s Company, because who says “man-eating tramp” anymore? That’s some shit Shirley shouted at Rhonda. That’s olden times talk. Not only that, but Sandra is as square as Prostitution Whore’s tits, so I don’t think she could be a man-eating tramp if she tried. Maybe what the source really meant is that Sandra lives a double life as “America’s sweetheart” and a cannibal hobo. That, I might believe.

Basement Baby Got Braids!

Using fluffy balls of yaki coughed up by one of Beyonce’s old wigs and carried though the vents down to the basement by gusts of wind, Solange recently covered her head with long locks of braids which she used as an escape rope. Since Solange is the true genius in the family, she used those braids to lasso up to a nail near the basement window and scale up on out of that bitch! It’s a good thing she did, because now we have these pictures of her in Los Angeles the other day looking a little Lisa Bonet-esque. Like she should be handing her books to Dwayne Wayne. Upgrade.

Sandra Bullock And Ryan Reynolds Might Be A Couple

Both UsWeekly and OK! Magazine are calling Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds LYING ASS LIARS for denying that their genitals have spent some intimate time together. It all started on New Year’s Eve when Ryan and Sandra sat together at her restaurant, Bess Bistro, in Austin, Texas. Witnesses claimed that the two were laughing, smiling and most likely finger banging each other under the table. But Sandra’s rep let out a “NO! NO! NO!” scream louder than the one Bombshell McGee’s free clinic gynecologist makes every time he has to venture down under.

Despite the denial, sources say that Sandra and Ryan kissed that night and left together at 2 in the morning. One source tells OK! that Sandra has been soothing Ryan’s broken heart over the phone for a few weeks and was “thrilled” when he accepted the invitation to her NYE party. A different source close to Ryan gave up some insightful information that TOTALLY proves they’re fucking their troubles away, “I’m sure they’ve bonded over the breakups. Going through a divorce is a unique thing to live through. Ryan always got excited talking about Sandra and liked being around her.”

There’s really no proof here that these two are more than just friends. Besides, if Ryan wanted to partake in a rebound fuck with one of his co-stars from The Proposal, I’d like to think he’d go with Betty White. That’s the right choice. Although, he probably did and Betty turned him down since she’s doesn’t pick up ScarJo’s leftovers. If it is true, though, good for them for getting some ass. It’s probably nice for Sandra being with a dude who doesn’t scream out “Are you ready for the Reichsmark shot?!” before he cums.

And now I’ll leave you alone so that you can cut and paste your face over Sandra’s in the picture above. It should be YOU posing next to Ryan while he’s making a “the places this glass dildo is going to go….” face.

Ass To Ass! Ass To Ass!

At last night’s Teen Choice Awards (aka the only awards show Roman Polanski Tivos), Sandra Bullock and the queen of the world Betty White performed a G-rated version of Jennifer Connelly’s ass to ass scene from Requiem for a Dream for all the chirruns in the audience. No, but that’s immediately where my gutter brain went when I first saw this picture. Sandra and Betty bumped nalgas on stage after winning some stupid award for Best Dance.

I bet Betty doesn’t even know what she won for. Betty gets an award for burping in the morning, so she just threw that stupid surfboard shit into the warehouse with her other accolades and went back to sitting on her throne.

You know who else was there last night? Not drinking during the daytime is doing wonders for Snooki, because bitch looked all kinds of beautiful last night: