Brooke Hogan Is Delusional

Clear the streets and stay indoors, because Nick Hogan is getting out of jail tomorrow after serving 166 jail dicks days of an 8-month sentence. Brooke Hogan wrote about his release on her MySpace blog and called out the “JELIS H8RS” who talk shit on her precious family.

Brooke tucked in her dick, crossed her legs, sat at the computer and typed out this shit:

There have been a lot of supporters and a lot of haters that have come up to me and said things that have helped and things that made me feel like I couldn’t make it through another day… Some people wish terrible terrible things on us and say the the most nasty comments that I can’t even repeat on here… It really hurts. I understand people have their own opinion, but most of the people that come up to us don’t know the whole story, or how much we really really love John. Its really sad, because were not bad people….were just going through a really hard time, and so is John’s family. I feel sorry for the people who are misinformed because all they have to go off of is the media, which lets just face it, is NEVER a reliable source. Even the news, when that should be the most accurate…its probably the most far off. I didn’t come on here to vent, and I know this still wont change peoples opinion or what they think about my family. But I know that you never really know, until you actually walk in someones shoes. And that goes in all directions. All I ask, is instead of making this harder, and putting evil things out there, you pray for John and for us, and leave words of inspiration. I know- like I know -like I know- John is gonna walk out of that hospital and things will be ok again. I know his strength and I know he can do it with our prayers…… To all the people who have been supportive- It has helped MORE than you will ever know. I can not thank you enough…..Please pray for my brothers safety too… this is a really tough time he has gone through and I know all he wants to do is show you, John and his family how much he cares and understands.

ok. Back to the happy stuff! …….I just can’t wait to see my Nicky! Im gonna make him every kind of food you can possibly think of! Hes been living on bread an potatoes so far and I know some mac’n’cheese is gonna hit the spot! LOL Thanks so much for listening and keep praying! Every day will be better and better and better. God bless you! Have a safe day!

Yes, Brooke. Nick is going to get out of jail. John is going to make a miraculous recovery and run into your arms. Then a pink pony with golden wings will take the three of you to a beautiful crystal palace. All the “JELIS H8RS” will turn into worms and you’ll spend the afternoon feeding them to fluffy birds with diamond beaks. I swear. It must be nice living on Planet Dumb Fuck.

In addition to the bread and potatoes, I’m sure Nick also had plenty of sausages and dick cheese.

Nick Hogan Is Getting Out Of Jail Early

Nick Hogan, the dough boy with roid brains, will be released back into the wild on October 21st, three months earlier than expected. Nick was sentenced to eight-months in jail for the car accident that put his friend John Graziano in a vegetative state.

A jail official told People that Nick’s early release follows standard procedures. The jail official said: “They automatically get credits towards early release, and if they don’t do anything bad while they’re here, they get to use the credits.”

Nick’s brother Brooke said she’s looking forward to her brother getting out of the clink. “I‘m not sure where he’ll live. I think he’s going to do his own thing.” Yeah, she really sounds like her balls are dripping with happiness.

It’s no surprise that Nick’s getting out early. I’m already rolling my eyes and dry heaving at all the TV interviews, phony PSAs, magazine shoots, reality shows and straight-up fuckery that will follow after his release.

Raffey Gets Five

Anne Hathaway’s ex-beard, Raffey Folliero, was sentenced to 5 years in the chokey today for messing with God. Raffey pleaded guilty to all 14 counts against him for pretending to work for the Vatican and stealing around $6 million. During his plea, Raffey told the court, “I know what I did was wrong.”

What a moron. I would’ve said, “It wasn’t me. It was Zach Braff.” DUH.

TMZ reports that Raffey also asked the judge to move him from his holding cell because of “unspecified inmate issues.”

Inmate issues?! Does it burn when he pisses?

It sounds to me like Raffey might be sharing a cell with Antonio “I like beating men over the head with my 8-inch sausage” Vasquez.

Brooke Hogan’s Cry For Attention

File this under: Somebody give this skank a brownie and sit her down. Brooke Hogan posted two fake mug shots on her MySpace this past weekend. One had her holding a sign that says “Id RaThr B wiTH mY Br0thR 18.” And the other one says “Thnk U 4 Lettn Me B MahSelf.” Brooke gets an F in Brit Brit-talk. She shoudn’t try it. And a sign that says “PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME” would have been better.

Brooke is asking to be thrown into jail with her brother. Somebody please grant her this wish! I know it’s a men’s prison, but if you pat her down, I’m sure you’ll find a set of testicles!

After the fake mug shots were posted all over the internet, Brooke posted a blog on her MySpace calling everyone HATERS.

LOL poor press and clingy gossip lovers….

It’s so funny that the smallest thing I do can jack up everyones day…LOL sorry I ruined your little gossip world today people………or did I give you something else interesting to cling to for your boring worlds? 🙂 Stay tuned! I might go shave my eyebrows tomorrow! Lets see what other fun things I can think of…um…. don’t you have a life to live? I know I do! Peace!

Love Always, Brooke

Do you hear that? uR JELis CUZ u dont undurrstand!

And Brooke, please don’t shave your eyebrows. The cholas don’t want you!

The FBI Has Anne Hathaway’s Diaries

The FBI raided Raffey Follieri’s Trump Tower apartment and took a ton of shit including Anne Hathaway’s private diaries. Rush & Molloy reports that they also seized a bunch of personal photos of Raffey with Anne, Pope John Paul II, Bill Clinton, Cindy McCain and other hos.

The FBI hope Anne’s diaries and the other shit can help build their case against Raffey. Raffey was charged with 11 counts of fraud and money laundering for pretending to be the CFO of the Vatican in order to do a bunch of hood rat stuff.

Raffey is still in jail and Anne wants nothing to do with him. She’s changed all her phone numbers and hasn’t spoken to him since she dumped his ass days before his arrest.

There’s probably nothing major in those diaries. Anne Hathaway is every shade of boring. Her entries probably look like this:

“Dear Diary,

No matter what I do I can’t get this awful fish taste out of my mouth. I’ve tried brushing with baking soda, rinsing with vinegar and nothing. It just won’t go away and people are starting to ask questions. I know I could stop eating fish, but I just love the taste. I’ll ask Heather Matarazzo what to do. She’ll know.

Love, Kisses and Sushi,
Annie

P.S. – I think my beard might be stealing from the pope or something. I’m not sure.”

Nobody Wants To See That Shit!

Note to Brooke Hogan: Never pose in front of a wall with the word “Trans” on it. Look before you pose. She probably wondered why all the photographers were pissing themselves laughing. Well, Brooke may give us yet another reason to laugh at her ass. The NYDN reports that Playboy wants her in their magazine. Yes, I said PlayBOY and not PlayGIRL. Brooke apparently hasn’t turned down the offer.

20-year-old Brooke has never posed naked, but she’s posed in a bikini before. Hulk Hogan has also made it a point to talk about how he doesn’t want her looking like a slut. Brooke’s rep said, “No decision has been made at this time.” Let me make the decision for you, Brooke. Keep that shit to yourself! We know your tuck is proper, but we don’t need to see it in all its glory.

Hulk will probably agree to this shit if he can shoot the pictures and style her. Brooke’s issue of Playboy better come complete with a bottle of eye bleach.

When looking for pictures of Brooke, I was surprised to find out what a true fashion icon she is. Here’s some pictures of Brooke’s many classy ensembles.