Category: R. Kelly
R. Kelly Skipped A Hearing In A Sexual Abuse Lawsuit Because He Was Overwhelmed
R. Kelly’s lawyers are claiming that, in addition to “poor,” their client can also add “confused” and “overwhelmed” to his Club Penguin Island profile. Kelly recently lost a civil lawsuit filed against him by not showing up to court. His legal reps are now fighting the ruling by saying that he neglected to attend because he was “overwhelmed” at being in jail when he was served and the papers confused him. Isn’t there always some dude acting as his own lawyer in the pokey? Have him translate it for you next time!
R. Kelly Lost A Civil Lawsuit By Not Showing Up To Court
R. Kelly is the type of dude who just has so many sexual assault allegations against him that he literally can’t keep them straight and actually will just not show up to a court hearing about one. At least, that’s what happened in Chicago when he decided that he would not answer to allegations that he sexually abused an underage girl in the late 1990s. I mean, hey, it happens! There’s just so darn many.
R. Kelly’s Bank Account Has Reportedly Hit Negative
This is not a photo of R. Kelly illustrating on two fingers the number of dollars he has left to his name, because he can only dream of holding that much wealth in his back pocket. R. Kelly’s financial situation is as broke as his morals and he’s reportedly got a balance of negative $13 in his bank account. Yep, lucky negative thirteen. It’s a beautiful poetic justice when vengeance is served fast and right where it hurts the most. In this case not the balls but the bank account. I think we’d all have settled for balls, but bank account will do if a swifty to the nuts isn’t possible.
R. Kelly Asked The Media To Leave Him Alone Ahead Of An Appearance At A Poorly Attended Private Event
Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. It’s about this poor guy who is a victim. R. Kelly, who is currently out on bond for numerous counts of sexual abuse, took to his Instagram page last night to illicit a little compassion from the media ahead of a private party in Springfield, Illinois that he was paid in actual U.S. currency to attend. R. asked in his calmest “pretty please” voice for the media to leave him alone, but it turns out he didn’t really need to worry, because the party was pretty much a flop. I guess not that many people are willing to pay to hang out with R. Kelly these days. You don’t say.
R. Kelly Says His “Spirit” Made Him Do That Gayle King Interview
I see R. Kelly is laying down groundwork for an insanity defense. Remember just a few days ago when R. Kelly–who is in the process of dealing with the major fallout of a documentary exposé and being hit with 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse–decided it was a good time for an interview? Well, Kells has an explanation for why he did that, and it’s a good one. His “spirit” told him to.
R. Kelly’s Out Of Jail Because Someone Paid His Child Support For Him
Alleged pedophile and girl imprisoner (and definite histrionic asshole) R. Kelly was safely ensconced in a prison cell for not paying child support. And then someone had to go and pay it for him, just like how that diner owner/”friend“ paid to get him out of jail after he was arrested on sexual abuse charges. Who are these people? And why can’t they pay our outstanding student loans instead? The majority of people with outstanding student loans never (allegedly) started evil sex cults! Where’s our free money?!? TMZ reports that R. Kelly has once again been loosed on society.