Crackie Horror Picture Show

Dreamboat Doherty is alive and…..well….he’s alive. I know. That claim is up for discussion. Dreamy has uploaded a new video to his YouTube account and basically Allison from “Intervention” is the only bitch who can probably understand it. Especially because in the video Dreamboat says one of his pussies is off to “mend the sunshine.” What’s with druggies and sunshine? Does that mean Funshine Bear was a major heroin junkie? I digress.

Most of Dreamy’s video is your regular crack shit. Dreamy plays with fire in his garden. Dreamys plays with a hammer. Dreamy talks to his house cleaner while she mops the floor. Yes, he has a cleaner even though his house still looks like the inside of a used roach motel. Her main job is probably to keep the crack pipes shiny and clean.

Speaking of, about 3:30 into the video, Dreamy’s sleeping in a hammock and his house cleaner wakes him up. They argue for a bit and then Dreamy starts lighting some kind of glass pipe thing. His house cleaner asks him, “I thought you weren’t doing that stuff any more.” Then she pours water all over his head. This is probably the first time in weeks that water has touched his head. I’m surprised the water didn’t jump the fuck off immediately after touching him.

Click here to see Dreamy’s special horror picture show. He disabled embedding.

A few hours after he uploaded his latest crack masterpiece, he put up another video of his son Astile dancing around with some creepy toy. Dreamy left this this message with the video: “crack? crack crack crack crack crack, you presumptious, hateful weirdo’s”

Below is the clip. Ugh. I need a few weeks in rehab after watching both of these videos.

Thanks Lola

Dreamy Doesn’t Beg!

Kate Moss and her Count Von Count-looking boyfriend, Jamie Hince, have broken up and this time it’s forever. That’s what some bitch tells The Sun anyway. A source said they split last Monday after some big fight. I’m guessing their body parasites just weren’t getting along. Or maybe Jamie got sick of getting his lip caught on Kate’s snagtooth when they kissed.

Now that Kate is single and ready to jingle, Dreamboat Doherty has apparently been begging her to take him back. One of Dreamy’s friends told The Mirror: “Pete is pretty single-minded about it. He is desperate for her to give him another chance. He’s spent most of the time in his Marlborough cottage trying to figure out a way to persuade Kate to take him back. He believes Kate is ‘the one’ and won’t give up the idea of reuniting.”

The friend said that Kate isn’t even entertaining the idea of getting back together with Dreamy. She’s still heartbroken about her break-up. I’m sure she can’t even look at a box of Count Chocula without bursting into cokey tears.

This story is so full of LIES! Stick this story to a polygraph-machine and see for yourself! There’s no way Dreamy is begging Kate back. It’s the other way around! She probably spends all night banging on his shanty house door, hoping he will take her into his pasty crack arms and slobber heroin phlegm all over her hag face! It’s not going to happen! Dreamy doesn’t beg anyone for anything. Well, maybe his drug dealer, but that doesn’t count.

Dreamy Was Just Taking A Little Nap

All of my favorite crackheads are falling apart! First, I learn that the Crackie of Camden supposedly overdosed twice this year! And now I read that Dreamboat Doherty, the crackhead of all crackheads, collapsed in Austria this past Thursday.

The Sun reports that Dreamy was set to perform at the premiere of one his home movies at a porn theater in Graz when he passed out. Earlier, Dreamy went on a drug bender at his promoter’s house. Thankfully, Dreamy was revived. They probably just threw soapy water on him. You know how much he hates soap. He refused to go to the hospital for obvious reasons. He was able to perform…four hours later.

People are so DRAMATIC! He didn’t pass out. He was just taking a little nap. A crack nap. Dreamy waz tiwered. Sleepy crackhead. Besides, if Dreamy “collapsed,” I would’ve passed out too. We’re soulmates, so I feel his pain. Wait. Come to think of it. I did fall on my ass while buying Crisco and laxatives (don’t ask) at Rite-Aid on Thursday. I blamed it on the espresso and Red Bull I had earlier in the day.

Austria, Here I Cum!

I have to write this really fucking fast, because I want to catch the next dingy to Austria! You see, Dreamboat Doherty is going to premiere one his crackie home movies at a porn theater in Graz, Austria. Dreamy’s friend said that some of his movie is “very revealing.”

The theater’s owner said that Dreamy’s private footage will be screened tonight. I’d like to privately screen Dreamy’s footage, if I ain’t being too subtle! I’m sure I would lose my tongue on contact, but that’s ok. Sometimes your tongue just gets in the way of really going to town. Besides, I’ll have a valid excuse when I say to a stranger, “Hey mith! I ike your puss.”

The theater owner said, “It is private material from Pete Doherty that he filmed by himself. He said he wanted to show it. I have no idea what is in it though or how long it is. It will be a surprise.” Oh, I can imagine how long it is… Wait, does he even have one anymore? Or did the crack eat it off? That’s ok. I’ll suck on the stump.

It’s unclear whether or not Dreamy is going to show up. Who knows with that crackhead. The theater will also provide barf bags, industrial strength eye bleach, towelettes provided by Hazmat and steel blindfolds.

Source

My Dreamboat Almost Sank!

We almost lost of one of the greatest crackheads of our time! Dreamboat Doherty played the Live at Loch Lomond festival in Scotland this past Saturday. After his performance, Dreamy and a few friends took a row boat out to get to a VIP area. The Sun reports that when they were about 30 meters from safety, their boat sprang a leak and they all almost died! Luckily, they were pulled to safety.

Dreamy’s manager, who was also in the boat, said, “We lost an oar and sprang a leak. It was freezing and we had a laugh, but it would not have been funny if someone died.” It probably would have been funny to those crackheads if someone died, because crackies find everything hilarious.

Hey, at least Dreamy got a bath. Unfortunately, that’s bad news for the lake creatures who were probably smothered by Dreamy’s stank. They are also going to have to close down that lake and declare it a toxic waste zone.

Um…There Must Be An Explanation For This….

Fuckity Fuck! Dreamboat Doherty has gone and done it. I can no longer defend his cracked up ass. At a concert in Spain, Dreamy openly boozed on stage and took drugs. He also gave the Hitler salute. And I think Dreamboat is half Jewish. Ugh. This piece of crackie trash obviously needs to do more drugs. He was probably sobering up when he did it. He can’t think straight when he’s sober. Bilde.de comments that it’s a good thing he did it in Spain and not in Germany, where the salute is illegal.

Maybe that’s the signal he gives his personal drug dealer to let him know that he needs a refill? Or maybe he’s just a brain dead fucktard. Sigh.

VIA ONTD