As A Million Twihard Hymens Break….

And here’s Kristen Stewart and RPattz touching lips while shooting a scene for Twatlight: Breaking Hymens in Rio, Brazil last night. Apparently, this mess is some kind of honeymoon scene right after Edward and Bella partake in a “We Finally Get To Do Each Other” ceremony under an altar of bedazzled Count Chocula boxes.

But I’m not sure if this is before or after a bruised Bella wakes up in a bed full of pillow feathers after Edward’s all-mighty sparkle cock fucks the consciousness right out of her. You know, some “eat the pillow” kind of power fucking. That actually happens in that mess of a book. No, I didn’t read the book. I read it about on the internet. And yes, “I read it on the internet” is the new “Um…my friend told me.”

Prince Hot Ginge Flashes The Pink

And is that an enchanted river of volcanic sparks my eyeballs are glued to? A river of fiery flecks that leads you past the cotton candy gates and straight into the promise land? I’m pretty sure this is in the Bible somewhere. Or in my wet dream journal. One of those.

At the launch of The Soldier Challenge with Bear Grylls in London yesterday, Prince Hot Ginge gave everyone a slice of his pink panties along with a taste of his ginger brick road (we’re off to see the wizard indeed). Since pink is my signature color (actually, “molten soul” is my signature color, but just play along…) I’m going to take this as a personal wink from PHG and not even my therapist can tell me otherwise!

TRJLIHA (Thank Rojo Jared Leto Is Hot Again)

For a while there, Jared Leto was in an all-out war against his own natural hotness. Jared’s battle wounds of victory included his “Gay Raver Cockatoo on the Wrong E” look and his “If Susan Powter Mated with a Porcupine with a SamRo Obsession” look. But pull down your panties and Saran Wrap your monitor, because Jared has dropped his peroxide gun and raised a white flag in the form of this picture he Tweeted yesterday. VICTORY IS OURS! That ab gutter needs filling (I’ll leave it at that) and when his peen takes a break you can hump on one of those arm veins.

And Jared gets extra points for wearing a skirt that looks exactly like what the sluttier girls in my high school P.E. class turned their gym sweats into.

via JL.com (Thanks Kiley)

Nice Touch, Adrien

Wearing black gloves strictly for fashion purposes is usually only okay for if you’re going to pull them off finger tip by finger tip while singing a torch song in a gigantic martini glass or if you’re a K-pop star, but Adrien Brody gets a pass.

It’s blatantly obvious that Adrien wore a pair of black gloves to the opening of Rimowa’s flagship store in Germany last night to show his support for The Rent Is 2 Damn High Party. But I guess Adrien’s rent isn’t that damn high since he can afford leather.

Panty Creamer Of The Day: Becks

Becks’ celebrated L.A. Galaxy’s win against DC United yesterday by pulling his Jersey off and giving the night air a taste of his nipples (tastes like NADS, light agave nectar and MAC Lip Glass). Most footballers might celebrate a victory by howling and/or screeching, but Becks should never EVER do that. Becks’ scream probably sounds like Kristin Chenoweth on helium getting a Brazilian wax, so yeah his victory dance should only consist of showing those nipples.

If Becks and his dead end happy trail (WHY DOES IT END?!!!) do nothing for you, I’ve also posted some pictures of Landon Donovan. And if he does nothing for your, well then the dude in thumbnail #2 is sort of bringing the hotness.

Kate Winslet Is Getting Hers

In London last night, Kate Winslet showed off her new-ish piece Louis Dowler (who might have come from the same batch as Gabriel Aubry) by taking his ass out for dinner and boozing. Apparently, Kate and Louis have been dating since May. Kate quickly picked up Louis, who writes MODEL TYPE next to occupation on his tax forms, after she filed for divorce from Sam Mendes.

Yes, Louis looks like he spent all day brushing his locks and meticulously styling that outfit in a three-way mirror, but who cares as long as he’s making Kate’s vagina declare itself the queen of the world while riding on the tip of his peen.

And here’s a picture from a few months ago of Louis’ nipples catching wind:

To be honest, I’m most jealous of Kate’s daughter in that pic. Riding in a rickshaw around the city is the way to go. If only it had a cup holder and a spritzer fan. It also wouldn’t hurt if Kate was wearing a flat-screen TV backpack.