Enrique Iglesias Has A Stripper Pole Peen

Enrique Iglesias once joked that he was hung like a baby horsefly. We’ve never gotten proof that this isn’t the case….until now! In Enrique’s never-before-seen video from 2000 for the Bruce Springsteen cover “Sad Eyes,” he unveils his 12-foot long dick that is made entirely of chrome! I’d still take a ride on Enrique’s stripper dick, even if it gave my ass iron poisoning. Wouldn’t be the first time.

It’s best if you watch this Skinemax-approved porn video at the 3:00 mark with the sound off, sitting on your dryer, with a tub of baby wipes near you, three types of lotion at your side, a clothespin on each nipple an all the lights off.

Your body moles may jizz. And now I just killed the mood by painting that image.

via Tabloid Prodigy

RPattz On Your Crotch

RPanttiez vants to suck your blood….during that time of the month.

You know, just like the Twidildo, this makes all sorts of sense. I mean, Edward Cullen is responsible for thousands of pairs of chonies getting covered in massive amounts of creme de la coochie. So panties with his mouth on the labia area was the next natural step.

At this point, it won’t be long for some bitches puts out sparkly Twitamponz. It won’t leave a drop! The “Jacob Black Twitampon” will be extra furry for those with heavy flow.

Source: Robert Pattinson Online via The Frisky

Panty Creamer Of The Day

This picture of Alexander Skarsgard grabbing onto a dude’s titty at Fantastic Fest ’09 will probably find itself inserted into Photoshop about a million times, because crazed True Blood hos (yours truly included) will be pasting their heads on this shit. I mean, we all want Vampire Eric to place his sexy hand on our nipple while holding a Stella in the middle of a freezer.

Something tells me the dude’s face lips aren’t the only pair of lips puckering up. OW! Eric has that effect on everyone.

If that was me, I’d never wash or lick my nipple ever again. My nipple would be looking like a crusty 7-layer dip after about a year, and I still wouldn’t take a towelette to it.

Source: PoshDeluxe VIA Just Jared

Yes, Dreamy’s Still Got It

It’s been much too long since I’ve posted some pictures of Dreamboat Doherty. Well, the dry spell is over! Here’s a few pictures of Dreamy that will make your crotch sprout warts and your teefs weep for their people. Maybe you should down a full bottle of Penicillin before going in. Just to be safe.

Dreamy was spotted trolling through a flea market in East London yesterday. At least we know that Dreamy will never ever go HONGRAY since it looks like he has a few meals stuck in his teeth. And let’s not mention the cheese shop on his dick area….or the jelly factory in his ass cheeks……

That being said, I’d still….you know.

Why, Hello There!

There’s really no better way to start the day then a little Mah Boo Anderson Cooper sitting on the edge of my coffee cup saving “hello” at me. Or maybe he’s waving me away. Who cares about technicalities! I just want to plop him into my coffee, because he’s the sweetest sugar cube in the sugar factory. And that was the gayest sentence in the gay factory.

Here’s a bleary-eyed (but still oh-so-sessy) Mah Boo catching a cab in NYC yesterday heading to the flower store to buy me a huge bouquet, hundreds of silver balloons and a teddy gram. Okay, he was probably buying it for NeNe or for his current salad chef, but again…TECHNICALITIES!

Mickey Rourke Is Bringing The Sex To Croatia

Quick! Put a cork in your fuck hole, because you know it’s about to blooooow! You will not be able to contain yourself while gazing at these pictures of the scalding hot adonis that is Mickey Rourke!

You know you’re going to eat a giant stuffed roasted chicken dinner tonight with all the fixings. You’re going to lick every greasy bone while fantasizing about Mickey’s rotisserie tittays. Do not deny it! My no-no lips just crumpled up into my love cave (copyright: Tracy). Although, that might not have anything to do with Mickey. Sometimes my ass lips observe Sundays. Go figure.

Here’s Mickey and some piece making the sea creatures bust jizz bombs in Dubrovnik, Croatia.