As MacKenzie Scott Smirks, Jeff Bezos Donated $100 Million Each To José Andrés And Van Jones

Yesterday, two dicks stuck their tips into space a bit (“They did?! I hardly felt it.” – space). Jeff Bezos and his circumcised dick rocket launched into suborbital space and spent three quick minutes there before coming down to earth, although, I think it’s impossible for Jeff Bezos to really ever be down to earth.  You would think that everybody would have nothing but good things to say about the richest human on Earth spending $5 billion to take a billionaire joy ride to space while Amazon drivers have to shit in bags and the planet burns. But people dragged Jeff and they really dragged him when he smugly thanked Amazon employees and customers for making his Make A Wish: Billionaire Edition dreams come true. Jeff made it all okay, though, by announcing that he is giving a total of $200 million to philanthropic chef José Andrés and Kim Kartrashian’s mentor and rumored piece Van Jones for them to donate to non-profits of their choice. Sure, earlier in the day, Jeff Bezos probably also “donated” millions to the gold toilet he pissed in since one of his piss streams is worth at least $10 million, but hey!

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