Chi-Chi-Chi-Chia!

Looking like the time my mom tried to give herself an Ogilvie Home Perm and didn’t leave it in long enough, Pete Wentz made an appearance at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit yesterday with a head full of Kevin Jonas. Authentic Emo tears are falling down cheeks today since Pete took a break from flat-ironing the natural curls out of his hair until the smoke detector goes off.

Pete now has the hair of Slim Goodbody after getting tased in the skull, so I actually prefer this over his usual Hot Topic mess. I mean, we should ALL look like Richard Simmons at least one time in our lives.

Adam Levine Goes Nekkid For Testicular Cancer Awareness

Well, nekkid except for a handkini. In the February issue of Cosmo, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine takes everything off to encourage dudes to regularly get checked for testicular and prostate cancer. And I bet some of you are checking your prostate and testicles (even if you don’t have testicles) right now while looking at that picture of Adam. Dirty fucks. But I’m with you, even though Adam looks like the type who keeps a hand mirror on his person at all times so that he can stare at himself while hitting it from the back, I still would.

The full picture is a little NSFWish, so make sure you cover the entranceway to your cubicle with a sheet before touching your nipples. GO!

Okay, why the hell is he shitting out a pair of perfectly manicured hands?! And what kind of pills do I have to take to shit out my own pair of Thing T. Things, because it would make Internet porn watching so much easier!

And please tell me those hands belong to Ellen Sirot! I really won’t accept any other answer.

via Digital Spy

Johnny Weir Is Making Music Now

The Crystal Enchantress of the Ice Johnny Weir already makes spark of magic with his blades when he twirls around the ice like a delicate unicorn chasing a bubble, and now he’s hoping to spread a thin layer of glitter over your ear drums with his singing voice… Now, I don’t think that’s glitter over my ear drums, but there’s definitely a thin layer of something in my ears after listening to his first single called “Dirty Love.” This mess sort of sounds like some random 80s song as covered by Disneyland’s Tomorrow Land Band on a Saturday afternoon, so I’m not sure what to make of it. I’ll just leave it here for you to judge:

And instead I’m going to focus on that cover of Johnny looking like a model in Project Runway’s Clan of the Cave Bear challenge.

Hard Nips, Pursed Lips

It’s times like this that makes me wish there was an antidote to the shameless slut gene. These pictures of overgrown manboy Tommy Girl with his biceps and pec boners out on the Vancouver set of Mission Impossible Too Many should make me feel all gross and glib inside, but they aren’t…. I’m just going to leave these here and slowly back up into a cold shower to freeze the shame out before I type anything I might seriously regret later.

Presenting Mel Gibson’s Beaver!

For a second there it seemed like the Jodie Foster-directed The Beaver starring Mel Gibson was going to go straight into the KKK’s media library, but it will blow into theaters in the Spring after all and here’s the first trailer for it.

You know, I’m not really sure how to feel about this. I went in expecting to have a glum cunt look on my face throughout the entire trailer, but there’s small parts of it that kind of worked for me. I mean, who doesn’t love a talking dumpster beaver (just ignore that it’s attached to Mel) and Frightened Rabbit? However, the part where Jodie Foster pushes a beaver away to hold Mad Mel’s asshole face is ridiculous! Like Jodie would choose dickass Mel over a beaver? Shit, like any of us would choose fuckwat Mel over a beaver. On a positive note, if this shit becomes a hit, that means we’ll be one step closer to an UNHAPPILY EVER AFTER movie! Nikki Cox needs another comeback.

And expect the “BLOOOOOW ME BEAVER” mash-ups in 3..2..

A New Case For Detective La Toya

MichaelJackson.com released a new song called “Breaking News” they say Michael Jackson recorded at a home studio in New Jersey back in 2007. The song will be on a new posthumous Michael Jackson album coming out later next month. Sony is swearing on their everything that it’s Michael Jackson’s voice on the song, but several members of the Jackson family including Katherine, La Toya, Prince and Paris think it’s an impostor voice!

Listen and judge for yourself:

You know, it could be Michael Jackson. But then again it could be Bubbles yodeling into a voice changer or patched together clips from Justin Bieber’s baby monitor. I don’t know, but I do know that the song better be shaking in its notes, because Detective La Toya has got her magnifying glass pressed firmly against her iPod and she’s about to crack this shit wide open!

via Towleroad