By Popular Demand: Antoine Dodson’s Bed Intruder Costume

Cancel the order for your slutty Chewbacca costume, because Antoine Dodson has come out with his very own Bed Intruder costume, and all proceeds go to keeping the golden searhorse’s luxurious weave as satiny and smooth as the layer of fringe on Verdine White’s taint zone.

You can slutify this costume for Whore-O-Peen by cutting the tank top so that the bottom of your nipple plates peek out from under (keep it classy). Pair it with a denim thong and some Converse lucite heels. Hide yo kids, hide yo wives, but don’t hide yo candy.

(Thanks to all who sent this mess in)

That’s No Way To Treat A Unicorn (Or A Dolphin Head)

BANKSY, the anti-capitalism graffiti artist from the UK, added his own commentary to the “cooch gag”(Typo and it stays, because it sounds like a nickname for a maxi-pad) during the opening credits of last night’s episode of The Simpsons and here it is.

I laughed (“All Asian slave workers look the same!” )! I cried (“Are they shredding KITTENS!!!!?“)! I WTFed (“Unicorns exist outside of RPattz’s hair?“)! And I made thoughts with my brain (“How does that dead dolphin tongue stay lubricated?“)!

via Warming Glow

Michelle “Not The Destiny’s Child One” Williams As Marilyn Monroe

Because Hollywood won’t stop their reign of sheer terror until every actress with a SAG card wears a polyester white wig and a stick-on mole in a movie, Michelle Williams is going to play Marilyn Monroe in the movie My Week With Marilyn. This mess is based on the diaries of Colin Clark, a dude who was a production assistant on The Prince and the Showgirl.

Deadline posted the above promo pic as well as the full cast list, which includes Kenneth Branagh (as Laurence Olivier), Julia Ormond (as Vivien Leigh), Judi Dench, Dominic Cooper and Emma Watson. Shooting started today in London.

This is the picture they use to try to sell Michelle Williams as Marilyn Monroe to us?! If Michelle Williams was starring in a movie called “My Halloween Night With Michael K’s Friend Who Dressed in Drag as Marie Antoinette Madonna“, then I’d give this picture two big toes up! But since that’s not the name or premise of the movie, I’ll wait to kick this movie in the crotch bone until the trailer comes out. I mean, Juliette Binoche as Vivien Leigh? The male whores at Scotty’s would never sign off on this.

Two Words: Feet Boots!

For those of you kinky bitches out there with sick foot fetishes who regularly have wet dreams about licking the hard boils between Mickey Rourke’s rubbery toes, these pictures goes out to you!

Chris Evans is playing Captain America, and he put on a pair of Buffalo Bill-approved feet boots to shoot several action scenes in Manchester, England today. Now you know what Madge’s podiatrist sees before he removes her skin to rotate the bones in her feet.

Here’s more of Chris walking around in his creepy ass prosthetic boots. Just focus on his watermelon arms (which could beat Vinny’s dick in a wrestling match) and everything will be okay.

Lindsay Lohan Comes Clean About Not Being Clean

Two quick bumps after TMZ broke the story that Lindsay Lohan tested positive for cocaine in at least one of her drug tests, she lifted up her nose and denied the whole thing to UsWeekly by saying, “I’m fine. They’re all nuts.” The high of delusional must have wore off real quick, because she changed her tune in a series of Tweets where she admitted she got a fat fucking F on several drug tests. LiLo FINALLY also admitted that she still gets hongray for the bad shit even though she has always denied this fact.

“Regrettably, I did in fact fail my most recent drug test and if I am asked, I am prepared to appear before judge Fox next week as a result. Substance abuse is a disease, which unfortunately doesn’t go away over night. I am working hard to overcome it and am taking positive steps forward every day. I am testing every single day and doing what I must do to prevent any mishaps in the future. This was certainly a setback for me but I am taking responsibility for my actions and I’m prepared to face the consequences. I am so thankful for the support of my fans, loved ones and immediate family, who understand that i am trying hard, but also that I am a work in progress, just as anyone else. I am keeping my faith, and I am hopeful….Thank you all!!!”

A part of me wants to stick a bronze star on LiLo’s forehead for finally joining the land of reality by admitting she’s got problems. Another part of me is like that bitch on Intervention who isn’t convinced and will still take their purse to bed with them so the crackhead in the house doesn’t pull a $20 out of their wallet in the middle of the night. And then the biggest part of me really wants a Bear Claw, so I’m going to go and do that.

Meanwhile, White “My Child Is Not An Addict” Oprah is staring at the ceiling and whistling a happy tune while trying to slip out of the room undetected. White Oprah needs to make a few phone calls to see if this latest admission ups the price for LiLo’s first interview or not.

And here’s LiLo leaving a restaurant last night. Still waiting for her apology for those lips.

We Will Make Sexy Times With You

The Borat as Freddie Mercury rumors are back! But this time Deadline Hollywood swears on their TOLDJA! trademark application that Sacha Baron Cohen will slip into an assless Spandex onesie (bitch already has a few in his closet) to play the crotch thruster of all crotch thrusters in a Queen biopic. Sacha’s rep shot down this rumor a couple of few years ago, but Deadline says that it’s real this time and production will star next year. The script is being written by Peter Morgan who wrote The Queen and Frost/Nixon.

The surviving members of Queen have licensed their songs for the movie. Deadline’s sources aren’t sure if Sacha is going to try to achieve the impossible by replicating Freddie Mercury’s voice, or if he’s simply going to move his mouth to the track.

My emotions aren’t sure where to go on this one. I mean, this could be as good as dating someone who works at the Hostess factory (FREE SNO-BALLS…in more ways than one) or as disappointing as running out of lube and olive oil right before you’re about to get some.

But I would be all about a Queen biopic if the one man who was born to play Freddie Mercury was cast as him. I’m talking about John Stossel, of course:

John Stossel in spandex? That sight would make Barbara Walters lose her lisp! It’s obvious that John Stossel’s moustache and Freddie Mercury’s moustache are one. Soulstaches forever.

(side-by-side via Stereogum)