Kaley Cuoco Says She Feels Like More Of A Housewife Than A Feminist

Sorry, it’s not Kaley Cuoco – it’s Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting. Ah, the Hollywood Hyphen; almost as terrible an idea as getting your piece’s name tattooed on you (but not quite). For some reason, Kaley Cucoco is on the cover of this month’s Redbook looking like the sassiest most-helpful manager at an Ann Taylor LOFT outlet store, and inside she’s channeling that chick in your office who begins every conversation with “The hubs and I…” (ie: “The hubs and I made chili this weekend! The hubs loves his chili“). Redbook asked Kaley the #1 question every famous female type was asked in 2014 – if she considered herself to be a feminist – and according to Kaley, she’s not a feminist because she’s too busy cooking dinner for her husband, tennis player Ryan Sweeting:

“Is it bad if I say no? It’s not really something I think about. Things are different now, and I know a lot of the work that paved the way for women happened before I was around… I was never that feminist girl demanding equality, but maybe that’s because I’ve never really faced inequality. I cook for Ryan five nights a week: It makes me feel like a housewife; I love that. I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I like the idea of women taking care of their men. I’m so in control of my work that I like coming home and serving him. My mom was like that, so I think it kind of rubbed off.”

I don’t want to get all Inigo Montoya here, but I don’t think that word means what she thinks it means. Unless Kaley knows of a secret definition for feminist that says something about a feminist being one who does not prepare evening foodstuffs for a male person. In which case I’m fucked, because I love cooking dinner for people (those with peens and vageens) all the time. Especially a tasty little number I like to call Beefaroni Casserole Surprise. Surprise! It’s just a can of Beefaroni in a casserole dish.

Here’s more of Kaley working some of that sexy catalogue casual realness in Redbook:

Annie Lennox Takes Another Swipe At Beyonce, Says “Twerking Is Not Feminism”

Praise be! Annie Lennox, the no-fucks-given queen, is thankfully still with us after coming for Beyoncé by calling her “feminist lite” and “cheap” last month. I was so sure that such blasphemy against Our Lady of Perpetual Lacefronts would result in Annie getting kidnapped in the middle of the night by a balaclava-wearing Basement Baby (who was promised a fresh clump of dryer lint for her bed if she could “make the problem disappear”). And it looks like Annie still doesn’t give a fuck, because she’s hissing at Yawncé about feminism once again.

During an interview with NPR (via Daily Mail), Annie was asked to further explain the comment she made about Beyoncé being the Diet Coke of feminism, which is basically the fancy public radio way of saying “Please please please say more beautiful shit about Beyoncé.” And she did! Sort of…

“Listen, twerking is not feminism. It’s not – it’s not liberating, it’s not empowering. It’s a sexual thing that you’re doing on a stage; it doesn’t empower you. That’s my feeling about it.”

“The reason why I’ve commented is because I think that this overt sexuality thrust — literally — at particular audiences, when very often performers have a very, very young audience, like 7 years older, I find it disturbing and I think its exploitative. It’s troubling. I’m coming from a perspective of a woman that’s had children.”

I’ve missed Annie’s diplomatic cuntery like the deserts missed the rain, and I truly appreciate that she says whatever the hell she thinks, but that comment about twerking made NO goddamn sense! I don’t think I’ve ever seen Beyoncé “twerk”. I’ve seen her rub her horny robo-coochie against the seat of a chair while proudly showing off her b-hole like a cat, but I can’t say I’ve ever seen her twerk. Unless Annie thinks twerking is the same as surfbort-ing? Maybe someone can ask her to explain that comment during the next interview she gives.

Regardless of what kind of feminist Beyoncé is, Annie should know there are more important things she should be shading Beyoncé about. Like Beyoncé’s jacked-as-hell 1950’s pin-up afghan hound hair!

Annie Lennox Takes A Swipe At Beyoncé, Calls Her “Feminist Lite”

I know a lot of people get scared of getting older, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my 25 years (needs verification) on this earth, it’s that the older you get, the less fucks you give, and the easier it is to call a bitch out on their shit. Case in point, life legend Annie Lennox. Annie Lennox is 59 years old, which means she’s seen it, done it, heard it, fucked it, Eurythmics‘ed it, and has no time for any of it. Especially camel-humping surftbort-riding human weaves who think they’re an expert on feminism because they got their assistant to write up an article about gender equality once.

Annie (who should really get in contact with Linda Perry) recently admitted to PrideSource (via Daily Mail) that she’s not buying what Beyoncé is selling, in particular, Bey’s new love affair with Feminism:

“I would call that “feminist lite”. L-I-T-E. I’m sorry. It’s tokenistic to me. I mean, I think she’s a phenomenal artist. I just love her performances – but I’d like to sit down [with her]. I think I’d like to sit down with quite a few artists and talk to them. I’d like to listen to them; I’d like to hear what they truly think. I see a lot of it as them taking the word hostage and using it to promote themselves, but I don’t think they necessarily represent wholeheartedly the depths of feminism – no, I don’t. I think for many it’s very convenient and it looks great and it looks radical, but I have some issues with it. I think it’s a cheap shot. I think what they do with it is cheap.”

Oooooooh Annie…YOU. IN. DANGER. GIRL. Nobody calls Queen Bey CHEAP! Even Basement Baby, who is currently wiping her ass with 1/2-ply toilet paper-style pressed fiber sheets and eating No Name Cheerios, doesn’t call Beyoncé cheap. I hope you still got that leather mask you wore on the cover of Touch, because you might want to go incognito for a while.

But I do think it’s cute that Annie wants to sit down and hear what Beyoncé thinks. Bless your heart, Annie Lennox, but Beyoncé’s head isn’t filled with thoughts; it’s a complex system of circuits and wires and RAM and weave glue.

Meghan Trainor Says She’s Not All About That Feminism

For those of you thinking “Harpo, who dis woman-looking piece of salt water taffy??“, Meghan Trainor is the girl who sings that “All About That Bass” song that’s been assaulting your eardrums for several weeks. She also appears to be what you’d get if a 7th Heaven-era Ashlee Simpson queefed on a bag of Bunny Mix M&Ms. Or a come-to-life sidewalk chalk picture of a birthday cake.

Either way, 20-year-old Meghan Trainor admitted to Billboard that even thought she’s all about that body positivity and loving yourself and shit, she doesn’t want you to think it’s because she’s a feminist (cut to Emma Watson face-palming so hard she leaves a permanent hand-print in her forehead):

Now, Trainor has become a model of self-acceptance for kids across the globe. “I got up at six this morning to reply to fan letters and Instagram posts,” she says. “I don’t consider myself a feminist, but I’m down for my first opportunity to say something to the world to be so meaningful. If you asked me, ‘What do you want to say?’ it would be, ‘Love yourself more.'”

Um, excuse you, Megan-with-an-H, but have you learned NOTHING from Beyoncé?? Feminism is OK now because Beyoncé said it was, remember? You made Beyoncé cry sad salty feminist tears today Meghan.

But honestly, Megan-with-an-H is only 20-years-old; she’s basically a fetus with eyeliner, so of course she’s not a “feminist”. She’s too busy replying to fan letters and Instagram posts to learn what the word means! So instead she just makes some vague excuse for why she hasn’t yet learned the definition of the word. Just like Shailene Woodley! Maybe we should make up a new word to describe someone who isn’t a feminist, but isn’t entirely sure why they’re not? That way they wouldn’t spend so much time making up weird reasons to defend their ignorance. Maybe like, “feminotsure” or “feminaskmeinacoupleyears“. It would save so much time!

Shailene Woodley Is Not Here For The Women Who Didn’t Like Her Thoughts On Feminism

Shailene Woodley, the vegan Chatty Cathy doll who keeps pulling her own string, gave an interview to TIME Magazine back in May where she spoke about Feminism, specifically how she doesn’t identify as one. Her reasons being very typical of a 22-year-old who keeps burping out thoughts without taking any new ones in: she loves men, women shouldn’t have total power, and that she believes in a thing called “Sisterhood”. It was if she was confusing “feminism” for “Cylons“.

As with 99.9999% of everything that Shailene says, her interview with TIME Magazine made most people’s eyes roll off a serious amount of “Sister, please have a seat” energy. But Shailene would like you to know it’s not her fault you didn’t like what she said. It’s TIME Magazine’s fault. In an interview with EW, the B-list Jennifer Lawrence explains that her interview should have brought women together:

“It pitted women against me. The thing I was trying to say we need to eliminate — without the word ‘feminist,’ without any word attached to it — we need to begin to evolve the way we look at sisterhood. It’s the exact opposite of what [the article] ended up doing.”

“For me the big thing in life is about sisterhood. Bringing sisters together and supporting one another. What I found so funny and so sad about that article is that I talked about that the entire time. Nothing is going to change in this world until women start loving other women. I’m so lucky. I have the best sisters in my life. The best.”

I know you really want to go to school, Malala Yousafzai, but first you need to join hands with your sister friends and dance in a circle and brush each other’s hair and write poems about how awesome they are. Same goes for you, #yesallwomen hashtag; don’t you love men? You should consider changing your name to #xosisters or something more loving.

Here’s more of Shailene Lawrence at the premiere for The Fart in Our Stars (autocorrect that stays) in New York. No toe shoes? Hmm, I smell trouble in paradise.

Pics: Splash

And Now For Shailene Woodley’s Super-Smart Thoughts On Feminism

Despite the fact that it only takes 2 seconds to open the Wikipedia page on Feminism and learn that it doesn’t mean “man-hater” or “penis-hater” or “militant vagina vigilante extremist”, there are still some dumb hos who refuse to take those two seconds to educate themselves, choosing instead to keep burping out whatever not-smart thoughts they have chilling out in their brains. Example: Shay-Lean Woodley (yes, it’s actually spelled Shailene, but when you have a Joe Dirt-sounding name that reminds me of the midnight cashier at the Circle-K who’s uniform is her “good” Kid Rock t-shirt, it feels like it should be spelled Shay-Lean).

Based on earlier comments she’d made to The Daily Beast about how important it is for her films to have a message of female empowerment, TIME asked Shailene if she considers herself a feminist, to which Shailene answered:

“No because I love men, and I think the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance. With myself, I’m very in touch with my masculine side. And I’m 50 percent feminine and 50 percent masculine, same as I think a lot of us are. And I think that is important to note. And also I think that if men went down and women rose to power, that wouldn’t work either. We have to have a fine balance.”

Jesus H. Christ, I feel like I’m on a goddamn merry-go-round here. Once again, feminism DOES NOT mean you don’t love men; feminism means you believe women are equal to men. Period. The End. Someone check to see if Shailene is awake and is writing all this down, because she’s going to need to remember it for the next time wants to explain Feminism as ‘raising women to power to take men away from the power’. And I know I just typed what she said word-for-word, but it still sounded like an incorrect translation.

Shailene also said that instead of being a feminist, she believes in “Sisterhood” (I know, grab the traveling pants) and that she’s excited to see The Other Woman, a movie she considers to be a great example of sisterhood. Wait, she actually wants to watch The Other Woman?? Forget about the feminism thing, I’m now more concerned that Shailene might have a brain tumor.