And Now For Shailene Woodley’s Super-Smart Thoughts On Feminism

Despite the fact that it only takes 2 seconds to open the Wikipedia page on Feminism and learn that it doesn’t mean “man-hater” or “penis-hater” or “militant vagina vigilante extremist”, there are still some dumb hos who refuse to take those two seconds to educate themselves, choosing instead to keep burping out whatever not-smart thoughts they have chilling out in their brains. Example: Shay-Lean Woodley (yes, it’s actually spelled Shailene, but when you have a Joe Dirt-sounding name that reminds me of the midnight cashier at the Circle-K who’s uniform is her “good” Kid Rock t-shirt, it feels like it should be spelled Shay-Lean).

Based on earlier comments she’d made to The Daily Beast about how important it is for her films to have a message of female empowerment, TIME asked Shailene if she considers herself a feminist, to which Shailene answered:

“No because I love men, and I think the idea of ‘raise women to power, take the men away from the power’ is never going to work out because you need balance. With myself, I’m very in touch with my masculine side. And I’m 50 percent feminine and 50 percent masculine, same as I think a lot of us are. And I think that is important to note. And also I think that if men went down and women rose to power, that wouldn’t work either. We have to have a fine balance.”

Jesus H. Christ, I feel like I’m on a goddamn merry-go-round here. Once again, feminism DOES NOT mean you don’t love men; feminism means you believe women are equal to men. Period. The End. Someone check to see if Shailene is awake and is writing all this down, because she’s going to need to remember it for the next time wants to explain Feminism as ‘raising women to power to take men away from the power’. And I know I just typed what she said word-for-word, but it still sounded like an incorrect translation.

Shailene also said that instead of being a feminist, she believes in “Sisterhood” (I know, grab the traveling pants) and that she’s excited to see The Other Woman, a movie she considers to be a great example of sisterhood. Wait, she actually wants to watch The Other Woman?? Forget about the feminism thing, I’m now more concerned that Shailene might have a brain tumor.