Move Over Miley; Beyoncé Is The Biggest Feminist In The World Now

The bar has just been raised for the former Biggest Feminist. If Miley wants to one-up Queen B, she’s going to have to come out with a book of feminist poetry or something (I sincerely look forward to the release of I Know Why The Gross Cooch Twerks).

Beyoncé Knowles-Carter put on her best ‘smart-looking’ glasses, pinned her hair into a librarian bun, and put on the same black caftan and giant turquoise jewellery your Women’s Studies professor wore every day in college to compose a 200-word letter for Maria Shriver’s website The Shriver Report called “Gender Equality Is a Myth!” In it, Beyoncé’s newest alter ego, Associate Professor Sasha Fierce-Byrnstein, PhD, discusses what we’ve already read a million times on Jezebel:

Today, women make up half of the U.S. workforce, but the average working woman earns only 77 percent of what the average working man makes. But unless women and men both say this is unacceptable, things will not change.

So why are we viewed as less than equal? These old attitudes are drilled into us from the very beginning. We have to teach our boys the rules of equality and respect, so that as they grow up, gender equality becomes a natural way of life. And we have to teach our girls that they can reach as high as humanly possible.

It’s a good letter, but I don’t for a second believe Beyonce wrote it. The most cohesive thing she’s written recently was the lyrics to Drunk In Love, and even then she just lazily repeated the same words over and over again while grossing me out with the visual of her fucking on Joe Camel in a cramped bathtub.

Here’s what really happened: Beyonce overheard a sales person at Barneys New York talking about the wage gap while trying on her 3rd pair of solid gold Louboutins, rubbed her two brain cells together, then sent Solange down to the basement with a typewriter and told her not to return until she’s written a letter that makes Betty Friedan sound like Courtney Stodden. Then she took a nap and had a dream where she wins a Nobel Prize.

(Pic via Wenn)