Hiding In Plain Sight

Here’s Tater Head leaving LAX yesterday (probably catching a return flight back from Idaho, AKA the Motherland) looking like the Ore-Ida version of Asshole Simpson.

Let me ask you this, who the EFF goes incognito wearing a flaming red wig? A frumpy mop made of delicious golden curly fries would have been less conspicuous. But it looks like it worked because one loner ass paparazzi with a disposable camera happened to be catching a flight back from Sheboygan and only took pictures after she shouted out “I am ze Asshole Simpson!”

Hash Browns, please! In order to look like Asshole Simpson you’re supposed to have a schnoz sponsored by Kleenex!

That being said, this is might be an upgrade. Or maybe I’m just saying that because I’m a sucker for the ginges. Even the faux ones.

It Must Be True Love

Tater Head brought her supposed new man, Micah Alberti, to the premiere of “House Bunny” in Los Angeles last night. Poor Tater. I hope he’s not using her for her gorgeous looks, talent and money. I don’t think he cares about her thrilling personality! Or maybe he just has a chin fetish. Chin fucker! Whatever the case may be, I’m glad Rumer is getting her taters mashed. I’m sure they will get married and have dozens of baby spuds.

Tater’s mommy, Demi Moore, also came out to support her daughter. Demi is such a bitch. Look at how she’s almost posing chin-to-chin with Rumer. Although, Demi is looking a little botoxy in the face. And I really wish Ashton would just go and swim in a toilet already.

Insert Obvious Joke Here

Actually, I take that back. The joke isn’t obvious. She’s posing with a dog, not a fucking potato.

Here’s our little Tater Head at The Power of Paws event in NYC last night. The pooch with Rumer is a true professional and gentleman. He’s allowing Rumer to touch and pose with him, but he dare not look her straight in the chin. That would make him lose his composure. I’m assuming poochie is a he, because all dogs who look like that are dudes. Dudes or gayelles.

Someone should have barked at poochie to help Rumer lift up those saggy cutlets! It’s driving me crazy. I hate to see a couple of sad titties.

Nicky Hilton, Caridee English and some other ho also showed up to last night’s event. Now, Nicky posing with a dog is an obvious joke.

From This Angle….

…Tater Head doesn’t look “that bad,” but when she faces forward, the Leno is out in full force. I think she’s wearing all these wigs to try and hide the chin. I say embrace that shit! Wear it proudly. Do some chin-fucking movies. I’m sure there’s some bitches out there that have a fetish for chins. Make money off that shit!

And people need to stop wearing swap-meet bought colored contacts! My cousin wears purple ones (that shit isn’t even lavender) and claims “she constantly gets compliments” for having such beautiful eyes. I wanted to tell her, “Bitch! They are lying to your fraudulent ass,” but I was too busy choking on my laugh.

Here’s Tater Head at the launch of Op’s “OPen Road” campaign last night in Beverly Hills.

Perfection

I don’t have one bad thing to say about Fantasia. This is what every American Idol should look like! Her “Ronald McDonald Gone Flock of Seagulls” hairdo is really working for me. And the carpet does match the drapes!

When are Fanny’s braces going to come off? She’s been wearing those things for years. Maybe the orthodontist played a cruel joke on her and told her she needs that wire to keep her teeth up. Fanny is a trusting soul, so she would believe him.

Here’s Fanny with her man, Young Dro, at the Idol finale last night. Sanjaya was also there which disgusts me. They gave Sanjaya a ticket, but didn’t give Danny Noriega’s gorgeous chola mother a ticket? Fucked priorities.

I Love This Mess!

Thank Jeebus for Fantasia! This mess of a bitch added some much needed Lawry’s season salt to tonight’s bland American Idol. Mmmm…Lawry’s season salt.

This bitch was like if Ronald McDonald’s crackhead sister got a shot of the devil in her and was stuffed into a velvet jumpsuit and thrown on stage to perform. Fanny wasn’t even singing. It was more like manic chicken clucking!

View Fantasia’s greatness below. This is how a real American Mess Idol does it!

The look on Simon’s face during her performance pretty much sums it up.