The SI: Swimsuit Issue former cover girl vs. non-skinny current cover girl cage match continues. Even though Ashley Graham recently let Cheryl Tiegs know that she truly doesn’t care what she or any other concerned person thinks about her non-skinny body on the cover of this year’s Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Issue, Cheryl Tiegs has more to say to Ashley.
Cheryl wrote an open letter to Ashley on The Huffington Post in an attempt to clarify the comments she made last week about how irresponsible it is for Sports Illustrated to glamorize Ashley’s obviously unhealthy body. (I say “obviously” because Dr. Oz told Cheryl so.) Cheryl wants Ashley to know that the original question wasn’t specifically about her and that the media has “manufactured” a feud between the two of them. Um, is now a bad time to remind Cheryl that technically she’s the one who manufactured the feud with that backhanded compliment about Ashley’s “beautiful, beautiful” face?
Cheryl goes on to say that she wasn’t equating beauty to weight, but that she was just trying to school the fatties of America on their “lack of education” about healthy choices and increased obesity-related health issues, like diabetes and heart disease. In regards to what qualifies Cheryl as such an expert on health, she wants you to know she got her facts from the Center for Disease Control, Harvard, and the American Diabetes Association in addition to what she learned watching Dr. Oz from the comfort of her couch.
As for her comment about having one foot in the grave if your waist is larger than 35 inches (FYI: Ashley says hers is 29.5), Cheryl admits that hers is 37 inches. So I guess Cheryl’s next open letter will be to herself?
She closed it by apologizing to Ashley if her words offended her (aka sorry-not-sorry’s formal cousin) and congratulating her on influencing women to love their bodies. Which is so lazy of her. If you’re going to commit to a Facebook-style passive aggressive open letter, everyone knows you wrap it up with the words “I mean, I’m just sayin…’“.
Here’s Ashley, who probably took Cheryl’s unopened open letter and slipped it directly into the trash, on GMA this morning.
One week ago, former bikini model Cheryl Tiegs pulled out her Dr. Oz Book of “Facts” and slapped at Sports Illustrated for glamorizing unhealthy non-skinnies by putting current bikini model Ashley Graham on the cover of the 2016 Swimsuit Issue. (Cheryl did throw one compliment at Ashley by describing her face as “beautiful, beautiful“, which I guess is Cheryl’s version of “great gowns, beautiful gowns.”) Later she tried to clarify what she meant, which…didn’t really make it sound any better. Now one week later, Ashley is slapping back at Cheryl to E! News. Maybe slapping isn’t the right word; it’s really more of a bored wave, because Ashley doesn’t give a fuck about Cheryl or her armchair diagnosis.
“Cheryl Tiegs may have said what she said and it may have hurt a lot of peoples feelings, but my skin is so thick. I kind of rolled my eyes, I was like, ‘Oh whatever, another one of these ladies.’ But what’s great is that—the fact that she said it—it means that other women think like her. And what that means is that we really need to change the industry. There are too many people thinking they can look at a girl my size and say that we are unhealthy. You can’t, only my doctor can!”
“But first, I’d like to talk to Cheryl about what years of sucking back pack after pack of Virgina Slims have done to her lungs” said Ashley’s doctor.
I do love that Ashley gave an honest answer. When it comes to getting health advice from a lady who looks like she isn’t a stranger to holding up the line at BevMo by demanding they accept her expired 5-cent sale flyer as a coupon, “whatever” truly says it all. But in case that “whatever” wasn’t clear enough for Cheryl, maybe Sports Illustrated could send her a complimentary pack of stick-on googly eyes with a note instructing her to save them for all future covers featuring non-skinny models. That way, the next time she decides to bust out some obesity truth, she can shake the cover, watch their eyes roll, and say, “Okay, I get it. I’ll shut up now.”
Last week, a 29-year-old bikini model named Ashley Graham made Sports Illustrated history when she became the first plus-size (or “curvasexalicious“, as she calls it) bikini model to appear on the cover of the 2016 Swimsuit Issue. Well, there’s one person who is pissed about Ashley’s cover, and that person is three-time SI Swimsuit Issue cover girl Cheryl Tiegs.
Cheryl was stopped by E! News at the Global Green USA Pre-Oscar Party last night and asked what she thought about society embracing a fuller-figured bikini model. According to Cheryl, putting someone with a waist bigger than 35-inches on the cover is “glamorizing” an unhealthy lifestyle. And Cheryl knows that’s a true fact, because she heard it from the most trusted man in television medicine, Dr. Oz.
But Cheryl isn’t all hate. Cheryl did make sure to congratulate Ashley’s skinnier SI Swimsuit Issue cover co-star Hailey Clauson on having a “thin, healthy, strong body.” Okay, but do you know she’s strong, Cheryl? Have you personally seen her carry an old Sony Trinitron up a flight of stairs?
I know Cheryl thinks she’s the Michael Moore of obesity truth, but damn if she doesn’t need to calm down. It’s just a non-skinny in a bikini on the cover of a magazine for dads to read while they’re taking a dump. Besides, Cheryl lost all credibility when the name “Dr. Oz” passed through her lips. Just because Dr. Oz says it, doesn’t mean it’s right. Case in point: Dr. Oz told me I should replace my pasta with carb-free shirataki noodles. There’s a reason why you can’t spell “shirataki” without the word “shit“; it was like trying to swallow a load from The Soggies. Anyone who encourages you to stay healthy by eating something that gross can’t be trusted, Cheryl.
“Out of the way hags, a truly beautiful woman is coming through” was shouted at Sports Illustrated’s 50th Anniversary party in L.A. last night when Steven Tyler sashayed on through and showed the likes of Kate Upton, Marisa Miller, Ty Ty Banks, furniture mogul Kathy Ireland, Rebecca Romjin, Heidi Klum and Cheryl Tiegs how raw sex is really done. While looking like a Dark Crystal puppet that escaped out of the Jim Henson factory to fulfill its lifelong dream of working as a Linda Perry circa 1991 impersonator, Steven desecrated hos left and right with his glamour. If you ever want to see Kate Upton burst into a tsunami of tears and run toward the exit while questioning her entire existence, put this Honest John-looking hot bitch in front of her. She will go from thinking she’s hot shit to thinking she’s just shit.
And since every bad bitch beauty needs a battle song, this song was obviously playing in his head as he looked all those supermodels up and down:
Steven Tyler took the night, day, morning and everything in between!