Category: Charo

“Dancing With The Stars” Has Lost Its Only Real Star

April 4, 2017 / Posted by:

The good news is that none of us have to watch Dancing with the Stars anymore since the only reason to watch is now gone. The sad news is that we have once again been reminded that Americans shouldn’t be allowed to vote for anything since the people can’t get shit right. Charo was told to exit stage left last night after she got the lowest total score. Charo was in the bottom two with fucking Nick Vile from The Bachelor. Yes, a no-talent-having bowl of unseasoned cauliflower mash got a higher total score than an international superstar legend! This country…

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“Dancing With The Stars” Doesn’t Deserve Charo Anyway!

March 30, 2017 / Posted by:

Dancing with Charo (And A Bunch Of Nobodies) had its second episode on Monday, and Deadline says the ratings were down. It’s obvious why. The jealous and shit-brained judges committed an illegal act by giving Charo a score of 21 out of 40 the week before. The people just couldn’t bear to watch as the judges continued to do the ultimate wrong by giving the flawless Spanish rose such low scores. Charo apparently agrees.

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And Just Like That, “Dancing With The Stars” Has Become Donald Trump’s Favorite Show

March 21, 2017 / Posted by:

Usually the theme of an episode of Dancing with the Stars is: desperate bitches doing a lazy waltz for a check and relevancy. But the theme of last night’s season premiere of Dancing with CHARO! (And A Bunch Of Tricks You Don’t Care About) was: cooch. There were performances by the Cuchi Cuchi queen herself and Erika “Pat The Puss” Jayne, and the hand of some bull rider just so happened to make its way onto the cooch of his partner.

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Open Post: Hosted By Charo’s Extremely Hot Burger King “Training Video”

February 23, 2016 / Posted by:

The last time I had Burger King, it ended with the plumber declaring my toilet dead before taking it out on a stretcher. So I don’t really mess with Burger King anymore, but I am all for this commercial masquerading as a training video of the legendary Charo teaching employees how to make their new grilled salchicha.

Burger King is trying to act like this training video, and the one starring Snoop Dogg, were used for internal purposes only, but they decided to release them to the public due to popular demand. Burger King has regularly pulled at our bowels, but now they’re pulling our dicks. This is obviously a commercial and the whole “training video” thing is their gimmick for this campaign. You don’t spends tens of millions of dollars  (I’m grossly underestimating) on hiring Charo for a video that you only plan to use in-house. Charo is a sequined sparkler that must be shared with the world at large! Note: Don’t ask me what’s going on in this video, because I don’t know either. Just take in the brilliance of it all.

I also don’t know what “I got bumps all over my goose” means. But I’m going to take a wild guess and say that eating Burger King’s grilled hot dog has made Charo’s culo culo twitch in a major way. And I really hate Burger King now, because they’ve caused me to talk about Charo’s bowel movements.

via @CharoCuchiCuchi

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YES! YES! YES! OH GOD YES!

October 19, 2015 / Posted by:

The news in this post has nothing to do with Betty White, but when I posted about the Daytime Emmys a few months ago, I missed these extremely important and gorgeous pictures of two human angels. I’m posting them now, because they are vital to your wellbeing and health. And speaking of something that will heal your insides and soothe your soul, here’s the greatest TV news since Matt Boner told us that the new season is filled with plenty of shots of his nalgas:

CHARO GOT A REALITY SHOW!!!!!

The world of reality TV is filled with so much unholiness (see: the Kartrashians and nearly every show on TLC) that it’s about time all that trash is countered with a whole lot of glamour and etherealness. Charo is the holy water that will thrust away the sins of reality TV. As the heavens opened up and the angels sang, Deadline announced that Charo will star in and produce the reality show Charo in Charge for Televisa USA. When I think of the nameTelevisa USA,” my brain shits up question marks, but I’m sure it’ll soon be the biggest and most powerful network of all-time thanks to the forever A-list relevancy of Charo!

The series is centered on the multi-generational family’s life in their Beverly Hills compound. “We love Beverly Hills but I think we are the right family in the wrong neighborhood,” says Charo. “All we’re doing is cooking paella in the backyard on an open fire, with my son and his girlfriend and my nephew and his heavy metal friends, my randy dancers in the pool with my gay friends and me and my sister with my bull and my dogs. Why do they keep calling the police?”

Charo in Charge will also star her hot son Shel Rasten, her husband, her sister and her nephew. This is the first portrait of reality TV’s newest and best royal family:

charorealityshow20151

There’s no air date and I don’t even know if it started shooting yet, but I already know that this show will be everything. It has glamour, accents, Charo, hot dudes, a double dose of high ponytails, daytime soap opera styling, goths and unicorn hair. The only thing it needs is Betty White as the drunk and horny neighbor who constantly tries to fuck Charo’s son. Make that last part happen, Televisa USA!

Pics: Splash, Wenn.com, Televisa USA

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