Nicole Richie Is A Grown-Up Now

So ever since Nicole Richie had a baby, she’s become all womanly and shit. I mean, she actually has chichis! She’s no longer Wonky McValtrex’s eye-rolling sidekick. She probably gets her period and everything! I miss chunky Nicole who had a gutter mouth and flashed her tittays on the catwalk. Now that she’s an adult, she’s kind of boring. She’s so boring that she’s turning beige!

However, she looks a million times hotter without that dirty tampon boyfriend hanging on her arm.

Here’s a few more of Sad Clown Baby’s mommy at the Carousel of Hope Ball last night. Yes, there were actually people there under the age of 95 (see below). I also threw in some pictures of other whores who were there including the shining gold bar known as Camille Grammer aka my favorite modern day gold digger. They don’t make gold diggers like her anymore. She’s a gold digger that takes her job and position seriously! In the Grammer camp, she probably makes Employee of the Month every month! And she makes sure she’s always looking like a shiny trophy! Her attention to detail is amazing. She made sure that her wonk eye matched her wonk titties perfectly. I love her.

“I Pledge Allegiance To His Money…”

My one true idol, Camille Grammar, and her sugar bear, Kelsey, showed up at the US Open to watch a bunch of neon balls being hit around. I think that’s what they do at the US Open. In my mind, this is the most strenuous thing Camille has done all fucking month. Believe it or not, but being a trophy wife is not all roses and blowjobs. In between your duties of shopping, bitching about the help and sucking limp dick, you have to attend boring events with your meal ticket. I feel for Camille. She would rather be at home, laying on her mink comforter and ordering everything from HSN while downing custom made Bagel-fuls. Sorry, I’m all about Bagel-fuls this morning.

While Camille was in the ladies room, adjusting her diamonds, Kelsey sat next to the queen of all queens Aretha Franklin. He also couldn’t stop staring at her magnificent chichis. They are pretty magnificent. I think Kelsey is trying to figure out if her chichis are coming or going. Aretha should have competed in the US Open. Aretha just has to get on the tennis court, show off her magnificent chichis and those tennis balls would automatically sprint in the opposite direction.