Another Premium Gold Digger Has Already Taken Camille Grammer’s Place

If you’re an aspiring gold digger who keeps waiting in the bars of luxury hotels for a rich mark to land on the stool next to you, then you need to switch up your game immediately. Marinate your hair in a tub of bleach, learn totally awesome radical Club MTV-like dance moves and just hang out in front of Kelsey Grammer’s apartment building at all hours of the day. It won’t take long before you’re fucking him until $100 bills start pouring out of his ass!

Case in point: It was just over a month ago that Kelsey and his beautiful constipated flower wife Camille Grammer filed for divorce. Well, Kelsey is already drowning his sorrows in the crotch juices over another blonde gold digger! Page Six reports that a young blonde British piece named Kate has been licking on Kelsey’s bald head all over NYC. A source seems to think that Kate might be knocked up with a giant ATM machine, “He’s pushing for a quickie divorce because things are moving quickly with his new girlfriend. There is speculation that she is pregnant, but he wants to finalize the divorce before making any announcement.”

Kelsey’s spokesbitch confirmed that he’s dating a new trick, but didn’t know if she’s pregnant or not.

This is the worst news ever! Not because Kelsey is already boning some other chick. Who cares about that. This is all kinds of terrible because now Camille is in danger of losing her GOLD DIGGER OF THE YEAR title! I mean, this Kate ho has put the Wallet Fucker Express Train in 5th gear and is skipping all the stops! Kate is like the Energizer Bunny of gold diggers. Camille better pull some tricks out of her ass (insert irritable bowel syndrome joke here) to stop Kate from kicking her off the top!

The Two Beautiful Words Every Gold Digger Lives To Hear : “NO PRENUP”

When the time came for Camille Donatacci to sign a prenup before getting married to her sugar daddy Kelsey Grammer, she slipped on a neon spandex bodysuit and hypnotized him with some totally awesome radical dance moves from her Club MTV days. The moves left Kelsey all wubba wubba wubba inside so he completely forgot about the prenup and it was never signed! This good news for gold diggers is brought to you by TMZ!

Their sources say that Kelsey married Camille without a prenup in 1997. This means that Kelsey might be living off tossed salad and scrambled eggs (THAT SONG!!!) for a while, because there’s a good chance he’ll have to hand over 50% of any money he made while married to Camille. I’m not sure what Kelsey’s net worth is (Camille probably has it tattooed to her ass), but in 2001 he became the highest paid actor in TV after signing a $75 million deal for two years.

Camille deserves every single penny! If it wasn’t for her Kelsey would be making tossed salad and scrambled eggs (THAT SONG IS KILLING ME!!!) at a Denny’s in Monrovia! How do you think the network executives agreed to pay Kelsey $75 million for two years? Yup. When the negotiations with the executives began to break down, Kelsey opened up the conference room door and out came Camille in her neon spandex bodysuit. Camille busted out her Club MTV moves and you know what happened next. Signed, sealed and delivered thanks to Camille!

I don’t want you to sign over everything you own to Camille, so I won’t post a clip of her dancing. But I will give you this beautiful picture of Camille from her Club MTV days. You might want to clear the room of any pens and transfer slips before staring at it.

Doesn’t the song “Baby, I Got Your Money” just play on a loop in your head when you look into her eyes? If Medusa was a gold digger…

Frasier Did Call His Kids On Father’s Day

There’s no longer a need to go down to Michael Lohan’s room at the halfway house and collect his “WORST FATHER OF THE CENTURY” award to give to Kelsey Grammer, because apparently Frasier did call his children on Father’s Day contrary to the rumor going around. On Friday, it was reported that gold digging hero Camille Grammer was pushed to finally file for divorce after Kelsey didn’t call his kids on annual CALL YOUR FATHER DAY. In a post on his site, Kelsey says this isn’t so:

The truth is I did call my kids that evening. Frankly, I was surprised that they did not call me in the morning, but I was thousands of miles away and working that day so I didn’t give it a second thought.

I called them to see how they were doing as I do almost every night at around the same time, 11 PM my time, 8 PM their time, just before they go to bed. Mason had been upset earlier that day because she was missing me. I spoke to her for some time and reassured her that I loved her and that I would be seeing her soon.

Gossip and the rumor mill always thrive during times like these, as in the Father’s Day story. Whatever might be said, I ask that you take the ‘high road.’ I intend to do the same.

Camille and I had been discussing the possibility of a separation for some time before all this happened. She finally decided she should file. I respect her for this decision … I hope to have a great partnership with her in the raising of our children.

Kelsey also pissed on (HAHAHA he can do that and you can’t, Camille) the rumor that he’s already fucking on another piece. Kelsey wrote: “Certainly, the time will come when I do see another woman. I expect Camille to see other men. I hope people and the press will understand that we are both free to carry on with our lives.”

Now that FathersDayGate is officially closed, can we focus on more important things? No, not what Camille Grammer is going to wear during her tell-all interview with The Insider (that is important though). Can we focus on how I can’t stop humming the “Tossed Salad & Scrambled Eggs” song every time I write a Frasier post. The last face I want to picture when I think of tossed salad is Kelsey’s.

It’s All Kelsey’s Fault!

Gold digger extraordinaire and the spokesinestines for IBS, Camille Grammer, filed for divorce from her sugar daddy of 13 years Kelsey Grammer yesterday and both of them have kept their lips shut as to why their relationship flat-lined on the table. But TMZ’s sources are pointing their fingers at Kelsey. They say that Kelsey was sick of being chained to the most exquisite angel in the hills and wanted out. The sources say that their already shitty marriage got extra shittier when Kelsey moved to NYC to star on Broadway in La Cage while Camille stayed in L.A. with the kids.

The source explains, “Kelsey loved New York, his friends and his freedom more than his marriage. She doesn’t know what Kelsey is doing in New York, but he’s made it pretty clear he wants nothing to do with marriage anymore. She didn’t see it coming.”

The thing that really forced Camille to use her Black AMEX to buy the most expensive divorcin’ dress at St. John was when Kelsey didn’t call his chirruns on Father’s Day.

Fuck Frasier with the Space Needle, right? Who does he think he is not calling his kids on FATHER’S DAY. Not only that, but I’m sure he didn’t buy Camille a brand new white Bentley for Father’s Day either. And I bet that when HIS Birthday rolled around, he failed to slap her on the wrist with a diamond and ruby tennis bracelet. What a selfish bastard asshole!

Camille had no choice but to legally quit that bitch, because she wasn’t going to lounge on her mink-covered chaise while Kelsey dropped pieces of shit all over her. Okay, technically he dropped $50 bills on her, but that’s even worse. I mean, he didn’t even shower her with $100 bills! HOW CRUEL! I hope Camille eats up everything in Kelsey’s savings account and then burps in his face.

Get That Money, Camille!

Camille Donatacci Grammer, the Club MTV dancer who became one of my gold digging heroes when she married Kelsey Grammer 13 years ago, has filed for divorce today. TMZ reports that the irritable bowel syndrome spokeswoman (she really is) wants primary custody of their two kids as well as child and spousal support. Camille blamed the overused “irreconcilable differences” as the reason why she’s shitting out their marriage. Hey, at least she’s shitting out something.

This is actually kind of surprising. Camille escorted Kelsey to the Tony Awards a couple of weeks ago (above) and I’ve never heard any rumors of their marriage being in the toilet. Camille always struck me as a gold digger who is in it for the long haul. You know, the classy kind of gold digger who would rather bring her wheelbarrow to the reading of a will instead of divorce court.

Oh well. If there’s a prenup, hopefully Camille melted it down and injected it into her lips so that she can collect as much gold as possible. Nobody wants to live in a world where Camille Grammer isn’t always covered in fresh diamonds. The sun will refuse to shine.

And Camille is one of The Real Plastic Housewives of Beverly Hills, so I’m sure we’ll see all of this mess go down in front of the cameras.

Camille Grammer Is Finally Getting Her Time In The Spotlight!

The news about Anna Nicole Smith’s estate not getting one penny from J. Howard Marshall’s estate got me down, but this shit right here perked me back up like an afternoon prostate exam!

E! News is saying that Kelsey Grammer’s stunning trophy wife and Irritable Bowel Syndrome advocate Camille Grammer is one of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills! Yes, I know you were hoping that the next Real Housewives shit show would take place in Appalachia, but this is still good news. Hug your bowels!

Camille has long been one of my gold digging idols, so I will be taking notes each week to learn how it’s really done. Unfortunately, it isn’t a one-angel show and Camille will have company. But don’t worry, they don’t even come close to dimming Camille’s shine. HAGS! The lot of them!

They are from left to right:

Kyle Richards – Kyle is Paris Hilton’s aunt and Kathy Hilton’s mother. She’s married with chirruns. Kyle is also Hedy to Demi Moore’s Allie. She is awful.

Kim Richards – Kim is Kyle and Kathy’s sister. She’s divorced with chirruns. She is awful.

Adrienne Maloof-Nassif – This plastic surgery wonder who looks like a constipated grasshopper is a member of the Maloof family who owns the Palms in Las Vegas. Adrienne is married to a plastic surgeon who appears on Dr. 90210 from time to time. She is awful.

Lisa Vanderpump-Todd – Lisa owns a few restaurants in L.A. with her husband. She has two kids. She is awful.

Seriously, Bravo did good by casting Camille, but where’s The Empress of Lucite or Angelyne?! You know, the real stars of L.A.!