And The Best Dressed Goes To…..

If you’ve ever wanted to know what the pastel tears of a gay unicorn looks like, you can go through my trash can to find my used Kleenexes from my nightly “WHY ME?” cry on the bathroom floor. Or you can just get a good look at Betty White’s dress which she is wearing to the Emmys (or the Bettys as they should be called) tonight.

All those journalists who were going to stay up until dawn tonight trying to figure out who was the hottest bitch at the Emmys tonight can send Betty White a thank you basket, because she has made their job easier. If Betty is not at the top of every best dressed list tomorrow, then it’s confirmed that Satan walks amongst us. I mean, how can Betty not be at the top? Not only does she have the spirit of Blanche, Dorothy and Sophia dancing in pastel across her dress, but she also looks like the grandma of the gay groom at a Palm Springs wedding circa 1983. Also, it’s not a party until you’re wearing a pearl necklace and Betty is showing us that. This is a candy-coated fucking win!

And here’s some other hot pieces from tonight including: Jon Hamm with his wife Jennifer Westfeldt, Chris Colfer, James Lipton (and his gorgeous wife who gets best dressed runner-up), Jane Lynch, Kathy Griffin with Mama Maggie, LAFAYETTE!!!! and Tina Fey.

Betty White Rules The Schmemmys

The Creative Arts Emmys (or the Schmemmys as Kathy Griffin has officially dubbed them) is the Emmys’ grown step sister who still sits at the children’s table even though her ass cheeks don’t fit on the tiny stool anymore. Well, she temporarily got up from the children’s table last night for her big moment in the spotlight. And she didn’t disappoint, because she did the right thing by honoring international treasure Betty White for her triumphant performance on Saturday Night Live!

Unfortunately, Betty wasn’t there to accept her award, because the show cut into her nap time and nothing is more important than nap time. No, Betty didn’t go because she gets tired of people throwing themselves at her feet and handing over their babies (or trophies) for her to bless.

Surprisingly enough, Betty didn’t win every award last night. Illegal, I know. Others won too. Here’s just some of the winners (full list here):

Best Guest Actress in a Comedy: Betty White, “Saturday Night Live”

Best Choreography: Mia Michaels, “So You Think You Can Dance”

Best Voiceover Performance: Anne Hathaway, “The Simpsons”

Best Main Titles Design: “Bored to Death”

Best Main Title Theme Music: “Nurse Jackie”

Best Guest Actor in a Drama Series: John Lithgow, “Dexter” (he accidentally thanked HBO instead of Showtime!)

Best Guest Actor in a Comedy Series: Neil Patrick Harris, “Glee”

Best Variety Writing: “Colbert Report”

Best Commercial: “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like • Old Spice Body Wash”

Best Reality Program: “Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution”

Best Reality Host: Jeff Probst, “Survivor”

Best Guest Actress in a Drama Series: Ann-Margret, “Law & Order: SVU” (she receives the only standing ovation of the night)

And here’s some pictures of the winners including: Neil Patrick Harris double fisting, Ann-Margaret, John Lithgow, Gaycrest, Isaiah Mustafa (with Jon Hamm), and Jeff Probst with his girlfriend Sheetal Sheth.

Ass To Ass! Ass To Ass!

At last night’s Teen Choice Awards (aka the only awards show Roman Polanski Tivos), Sandra Bullock and the queen of the world Betty White performed a G-rated version of Jennifer Connelly’s ass to ass scene from Requiem for a Dream for all the chirruns in the audience. No, but that’s immediately where my gutter brain went when I first saw this picture. Sandra and Betty bumped nalgas on stage after winning some stupid award for Best Dance.

I bet Betty doesn’t even know what she won for. Betty gets an award for burping in the morning, so she just threw that stupid surfboard shit into the warehouse with her other accolades and went back to sitting on her throne.

You know who else was there last night? Not drinking during the daytime is doing wonders for Snooki, because bitch looked all kinds of beautiful last night:

The Emmy Nominations: Betty White Was Robbed!

The earthquake in Southern California yesterday was God’s way of warning Hollywood that they better do right by his personal angel Betty White at this morning’s Emmy Nominations. And they didn’t, so those bitches better stop, drop and roll. Oh wait, that’s what you do when a flame hops on your back. Well, they should do that anyways, because I won’t be surprised if a bolt of lighting (or an angry gay aka me) is headed their way.

Yes, Betty White received ONE LITTLE nomination for her triumphant performance on Saturday Night Live, but we all know she should’ve been nominated in EVERY SINGLE CATEGORY. Best Stunt Coordination? Betty should’ve been nominated! Best Technical Direction? Betty should be sitting in that category too.

Kanye West should be shouting about how the Emmys hate Betty White People. White Oprah should be issuing statements on how this is so unfair to do this to such an innocent child. While I organize the BOYCOTT THE EMMYS movement (not really), you can shake your fist or do the dick slappy dance at the nominees below. They are recognizing Christina Hendricks and her magnificent chichis, so I’ll give them that. The full list is here.

OUTSTANDING DRAMA
Lost
Breaking Bad
Dexter
Mad Men
True Blood
The Good Wife

OUTSTANDING COMEDY
Glee
Modern Family
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Nurse Jackie
30 Rock
The Office
Curb Your Enthusiasm

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
Mariska Hargitay (Special Victims Unit)
Glenn Close (Damages)
Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
January Jones (Mad Men)
Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights)

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Jon Hamm (Mad Men)
Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights)
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
Hugh Laurie (House M.D.)
Michael C. Hall (Dexter)
Matthew Fox (Lost)

OUTSTANDING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Lea Michele (Glee)
Tina Fey (30 Rock)
Toni Collette (The United States of Tara)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine)
Edie Falco (Nurse Jackie)
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)

OUTSTANDING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
Matthew Morrison (Glee)
Steve Carell (The Office)
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
Tony Shalhoub (Monk)

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Chris Colfer (Glee)
Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
Jesse Tyler Ferguson (Modern Family)
Jon Cryer (Two and A Half Men)
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Ty Burrell (Modern Family)

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
John Slattery (Mad Men)
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)
Martin Short (Damages)
Terry O’ Quinn (Lost)
Michael Emerson (Lost)
Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age)

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Sharon Gless (Burn Notice)
Christine Baranski (The Good Wife)
Christina Hendricks (Mad Men)
Rose Byrne (Damages)
Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)

OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Jane Lynch (Glee)
Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live)
Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)
Julie Bowen (Modern Family)
Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)
Holland Taylor (Two and A Half Men)

OUTSTANDING REALITY SHOW (COMPETITION)
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing with the Has-Beens
Project Runway
Top Chef

OUTSTANDING GUEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
Kristen Chenoweth (Glee)
Jane Lynch (Two and a Half Men)
Christine Baranski (The Big Bang Theory)
Elaine Stritch (30 Rock)
Tina Fey (SNL)
Kathryn Joosten (Desperate Housewives)
Betty White (SNL)

The above picture is from Betty’s new calendar which comes out in September. Proceeds go to the Morris Animal Foundation. I’m sure it will be nominated for a Pulitzer Award next year.

Betty White On The Passing Of Rue McClanahan

Betty White, who is the last Golden Girl sitting on the rattan sofa in the living room, was asked to comment on the loss of Rue McClanahan and she said this:

“Rue was a close and dear friend. I treasure our relationship. It hurts more than I ever thought it would, if that’s even possible.”

And on that sad note, let’s watch a video of Rue shimmying her shit with all her might back in the day:

via Videogum & People

Facebook Is Officially Betty White’s Agent

After Betty White climbed and conquered SNL, her friends at Facebook are now focusing their efforts on getting her to host the Oscars next year.

I would love nothing more than to watch Betty White say “motherfucker” and “dusty muffin” in front of fancy people like Helen Mirren, but the Oscars is 45 HOURS LONG. At least. What are we trying to do to Betty?! What’s next? Get Betty White on the U.S. Olympic women’s wrestling team for London 2012? Actually, that I’d like to see. Let’s start a petition!

via Towleroad