Barbra Streisand Is In Talks To Star In A Ryan Murphy Show 

Streifans (or do they call themselves Barbrarians?) everywhere got verklempt in the loins today after Deadline reported that their god is possibly going to grace a Ryan Murphy show with her talent. Does that mean that Barbra Streisand is going to play herself in American Horror Story: Barbra Streisand’s Basement Mall? Or does it mean she’s going to play Jennifer Aniston in American Crime Story: The Time Harper’s Bazaar Put Jennifer Aniston In Streisand Drag. The answer is: neither. Barbra is “in talks” to do a brand new Ryan Murphy show for Netflix. Gwyneth Paltrow is also in talks to co-star. And now I’m picturing Barbra say, “Like buttah,” when Goopy asks her how her vagina feels after they get side-by-side coochie steaming during a break from filming.

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Of Course Barbra Streisand Refused To Show Her Bad Side At A Charity Telethon

Mother Nature has been one cruel bitch sending hurricane after hurricane throughout the Caribbean and U.S. this year. Hollywood decided to fight back in the best way it knows: diva power!  Continue reading

Open Post: Hosted By A Pantless Babs On W Magazine

Apologies to those of you sucio furries who saw that headline and grabbed the Vaseline because you thought I was going to give you pictures of a grown and pantless Babs Bunny.

W Magazine gave easy listening queens an early holiday gift today when they released the cover for their December issue starring Barbra Streisand in nothing but a men’s shirt, a tie, half of a blazer, L’Eggs and pumps. Barbra’s legs are like Photoshopped buttah in pantyhose. I bet that seeing Barbra Streisand in a men’s shirt and tie is giving her #1 fan John Travolta the weirdest leaky boner ever.

Barbra also did an interview and she said this about whether or not she graciously graces her shower with her cholesterol-raising angelic voice.

Do you sing in the shower?
No. I don’t sing around the house or anywhere. I never sing unless it’s for a purpose, like fundraising or making a record.

In other words, when Barbra opens up her mouth and releases solid gold musical notes, either she’s getting a check or a charity’s getting a check out of it. If Barbra ever slipped up and sang around the house when her man James Brolin happened to be there, she’d probably hand him an invoice and the total due on it would be $25 million and one of his good kidneys. That’s the going rate for a private Streisand concert, right?

Open Post: Hosted By Babs At The Tonys

“Oh yes, my dearies, this isn’t a dream. It really is I, Barbra Streisand. And if you’re going to squirt out of excitement, please do it the other way. This pilgrim minister couture didn’t come cheap.”

It’s been 46 long years since Barbra Streisand has graciously bestowed her star power upon the second gloriously gayest event of the year (the first being WrestleMania, of course). The last time Barbra was at the Tonys was in 1970 and they gave her the Star of the Decade award. Strangely enough, Barbra wasn’t at the Tonys last night to receive the STAH OF THE MILLENNIUM award. Barbra was there because she’s got a new Broadway album to push, so she presented an award.

There’s a good reason for why Barbra did herself up in Founding Fathers drag. She presented the award for Best Musical and even my damn dog knew Hamilton was going to win, so Barbra dressed for the occasion.

Seriously, Barbra showing up to the Tonys is like Charlotte McKinney showing up to a straight guy’s Super Bowl viewing party in edible bikini bottoms made of hot wings and a beer bra filled with Budweiser. (I know, I really know straight guys.) I’m not that huge of a Barbra Streisand fangay (I’m more of a Roslyn Kind kind of trick) and even I got a little excited. John Travolta probably cleared his schedule in advance, because he knew he’d need a lot of time to recover from this historic event!

And here’s more of Babs giving you “Jocelyn Wildenstein as Reverend Henry Kane” glamour at the Tonys last night.

Pics: Getty

Did John Travolta Die And Go To Gay Heaven?

Scientologists don’t believe in Heaven or Hell, but I bet John Travolta secretly hopes that if L. Ron Hubbard is wrong about that and the afterworld does exist, his Heaven will look a lot like that picture above.

John Travolta hung out with Barbra Streisand and Lady CaCa at Babs’ house this past weekend and if you threw in a naked Puerto Rican massage therapist and the world’s best wig maker into that little party, you’d have John Travolta’s complete list of 4 living people he wants to have dinner with. Ryan Murphy, James Brolin and Kelly Preston were also at the dinner, but I doubt John Travolta noticed them, because he was too busy busting into a full-body orgasm while singing the “Donna Summer part” in “Enough is Enough” with Babs. Babs Instagrammed the picture above with this little caption:

A wonderful evening at home. (L-R). Ryan Murphy. @ladygaga. John Travolta. @barbrastreisand. Kelly Preston. Jim Brolin.

John Travolta obviously used the OT powers he learned from Scientology to control himself while that picture was being taken, because I’m sure his butt thetans were quivering from being that close to his idol! Barbra must also get Botox injections in her back. That’s the only explanation I have for her not feeling John Travolta’s boner of excitement poking at her.

CaCa also Instagrammed a picture from her dinner with Babs:

I’m sure that 2 seconds after that picture was taken, John Travolta grabbed Lady CaCa’s wig, pulled her out of that scene and took her place. As he should!

And here’s CaCa shooting American Horror Story: Hotel in L.A. last week.

Pics: Instagram, Splash

Paging Cesar Milan! Paging Cesar Milan!

Pictured here is a pampered princess with a rhinestone-encrusted asshole who will bite for blood if you touch her with your peasant hand. Next to her is a dog named Samantha who will also bite for blood if you touch her with your peasant hand.

One of my pet peeves (I am not proud of that pun) is handsy, rude strangers who think the world is their own personal petting zoo and they can touch my dog without asking. Trick, you don’t know my dog’s life! My dog has never snapped at a stranger who creeps into his personal space and that may or may not having something to do with me whispering the words, “If you snap at someone, you’ll have to go live with Cesar Milan,” into his ear every time we watch The Dog Whisperer together. Whenever a stranger pets my dog without asking, I want to bite their hand. It’s not like he’s wearing a sign that reads “Touch Me If You Want To.” I’m the one wearing that sign on my forehead, not him. But anyway, the flight attendant in this story learned the hard way that sometimes petting a stranger’s dog without asking can put you in the ER.

Page Six says that on Tuesday, Barbra Streisand and her luxurious pooch Samantha were flying from NYC to DC on a private jet owned by billionaire Ron Perelman. Samantha was luxuriously lounging on a chair when a flight attendant decided to come over and pet the 12-year-old Coton de Tulear. (Side note: That breed’s name is so fancy that my pinky finger went up while typing it.) The flight attendant didn’t do that thing where you let the dog sniff the back of your hand before petting them. When she put her hand on Samantha, that fancy ball of white fluff responded by biting her. That is the international sign for “Look, Don’t Touch, Bitch.” And you thought Heather Cho was the most dangerous bitch on a plane.

The bite was so deep that the flight attendant needed stitches in her hand. I’m surprised Babs didn’t feel that cut with liquid buttah by serenading the flight attendant’s hand with a song. Barbra immediately apologized to both Ron and the flight attendant. Her rep gave this statement:

“This never happened before and Barbra apologized profusely to the flight attendant.”

I smell a lawsuit…or maybe my dog farted again.

A source also said (no, they didn’t) that once they landed, Barbra immediately took Samantha to a vet. No, Barbra didn’t have Samantha put to sleep. She had her teeth replaced with porcelain veneers because they got tainted with the blood of a peasant!

Pic: Animal Fair