America’s Sweethearts Finally Meet

If you read that as “America’s Sweetfarts,” that works too!

Anderson Cooper’s talk show ends in just a few months, but he should take a bow early, because he will never get a more important or famous guest than the guest he had on Friday’s show: Grumpy Cat (born name: Tardar Sauce)! Grumpy Cat, who is looking more and more like my abuelita at every children’s birthday party she went to, finally made a thousand dreams come true by meeting The Silver Fox. Anderson tried to put on his best grumpy pussy face while posing with Tardar Sauce and well, he shouldn’t quit his job to become a Grumpy Cat impersonator anytime soon. He tried, but he looks more like Constipated Fox than Grumpy Cat. He kind of looks like the soft part of his sugar walls got poked hard by a peen and he’s not sure if he’s into it.

With all that being said, I’m still going to print out this picture, throw a veil on it and marry it in a quickie wedding at the courthouse. I don’t know for sure if human-paper marriage is legal in California or not, but Kris Humphries did marry a water damaged piece of cardboard here, so I’m guessing it is.

And here’s Grumpy Cat not giving three fucks while hanging out with The Silver Fox.

via Instagram (Thanks to everyone who sent this in) 

Oh, It’s Just The Silver Fox Sucking On Cub Scout Madge’s Face

When I first saw these pictures last night, I cringed so hard I turned straight for a quick second before turning gay again. The sight of The Silver Fox putting his mouth on Madge while she was dressed like a cub scout made my sexuality spin a full 360 degrees and back again. All of Anderson Cooper’s big gay dreams came true last night when he accepted the Vito Russo Award from Scoutmaster Madge at the GLAAD Awards in NYC last night. Every coconut flake on my Samoa burnt, curled and fell off.

Madge came to the GLAAD Awards dressed in complete cub scout drag to let the Boy Scouts of America know that as long as they stay anti-gay, she’ll never enroll Baby Brahim in their organization. (Click here to see Madge’s speech.) Madge is kind of giving me a “Little Debbie’s memaw in a remake of Troop Beverly Hills” vibe.  Speaking of Troop Beverly Hills, I know the Girl Scouts and the Boy Scouts are totally different, but Madge still missed an opportunity to do a disco remix version of COOKIE TIME! That really would’ve given the GLAAD Awards the ultimate gay moment it needed.

And here’s Anderson getting himself a mouthful of Madge while accepting his award last night:

You know that part where he thanks his partner Benjamin? Yeah, I already dubbed over that to make him say, “my stalker Michael K.”

Kathy Griffin Tried To Suck Off Anderson Cooper On Live Television Last Night

My New Year’s Eve was pretty dreary. I’m under the weather, so my beloved and I spent the evening on the couch, listlessly staring at the television and eating Christmas candy. That was until we happened upon Kathy Griffin trying to get a rise (literally) out of the Silver Fox by crouching down to blow him. A lot. If those two hadn’t been amusing the world last night, I would have gone to bed early.

I can only imagine that Kathy’s CNN NYE contract must look like this:

“The undersigned will do anything and everything within her power to disrupt the broadcast enough that co-host Anderson Cooper will be unable to stop giggling uncontrollably while having to protect his genitals from Kathy’s ravenous mouth.”

It was a non-stop party for those two last night. Kathy mentioned Kim K.’s vagina, shit on Honey Boo-Boo, shit on Taylor Swift, shit repeatedly on Ryan Seacrest, tried to make it rain on the crowd with a wad of cash causing Anderson to have to physically restrain her, and accused Anderson of having pet names for his cock and balls (including “his Christmas presents” and “his taffy”). And the coup de grace was, after watching a broadcast from Maine in which the townsfolk kiss a giant fish after it gets dropped at midnight, Kathy deciding she wanted to kiss Anderson’s personal giant fish. Bitch kept stooping to conquer his crotch with her maw! Anderson would then have to crouch down to prevent her. Then he had to use a clipboard to stop her progress. She was undeterred, however. Up and down, up and down, they went. Anderson was less terrified when that mob was punching him in the head in Egypt.

And all I could picture was Michael K. hurling his bottle of bottom shelf vodka at the bar television and screaming about how he was going to kill that “dicknosed firecrotch bitch” and demanding his family take him to the airport so he could fly to NYC and defend Mah Boo’s groin. A groin meant only for him! Or at least that’s what he told the police psychiatrist after the last arrest.

Check out the video of Kathy Griffin’s relentless blowjob efforts below.

Anderson Cooper Gets Tickled By Paul Rudd’s Pickle

Anderson Cooper’s talk show ends next summer and he’s dedicated to stuffing (wink wink) as many innuendos into his show as possible before it leaves TV screens forever. Case in point: The cast of This Is 40 was on and Paul Rudd was talking about his love of pickles while chomping on a pickle when a little tip of his pickle flew out of his mouth and came at The Silver Fox. Paul Rudd then said, “You just got tickled by a pickle.” To which The Silver Fox said, “Oooooh, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said that.” You so silly, Andy! Like you’ve ever topped. Just kidding, I’m sure Anderson meant that literally, because you know he’s into some serious food kink like tickling his pieces with a Vlasdick.

The Silver Fox Is A Stuffing Man

Two nights ago, Anderson Cooper was ducking for his life in Gaza. Yesterday, Anderson Cooper was scratching at a hater on Twitter. And today, Anderson Cooper declared he’s a “stuffing man” and giggled as two morning time drunks filled his crack with a sticky substance. I can’t wait for Anderson Live’s Thanksgiving episode where he’ll scream, “Pull it out harder! It’s so tight in there!”, as Andy Cohen tries to yank the plastic giblets bag out of the turkey.

On Anderson Live today, the morning show version of Sonja Morgan and Ramona Singer, Hoda and Kathie Lee, were on and they all got boozed up before talking about turkey. Andy turned down a breast from Kathie Lee, because he’s more of a “stuffing man.” Andy tried to act like he doesn’t know what that means, but please. We all know that his Adam4Adam username is “StuffingMan.” During another segment (clip below), Kathie Lee took out a long, white stick and used it to fill his cleavage with something sticky. And yes, that sticky stuff dribbled down his face.

What more is there to say? Andy can seriously make a whole lot of money by selling the transcript of each episode as soft-core literary porn. I thought I was hard up, but now I know I’m seriously hard up, because I’m actually getting the tingles from innuendo porn co-starring Kathie Lee.

via Towleroad

Daytime TV Loses A Silver Fox

On MahBoo 369me tonight, Anderson Cooper’s beautiful, angelic face will be splattered with loads of salty liquid as he chases Hurricane Sandy on the Jersey Shore and my beat, demonic face will be covered in salty tears, because Telepictures has kicked my emotions right in the taint by canceling Anderson Live! And yet, Jeff Probst still breathes on daytime TV. This life ain’t right.

The New York Times says that after its second season ends, Anderson Live will be cremated and its ashes will be turned into a diamond ring that the Silver Fox will wear on his pinky, so he’ll never forget the days when he was a daytime talk show star. After the first season of Anderson’s talk show delivered lukewarm ratings, they re-vamped it by bringing in co-hosts and changing the set. It didn’t work. Anderson will stop making new shows this summer and there won’t be a third season. The Silver Fox said this to the NY Times:

“I am very proud of the work that our terrific staff has put into launching and sustaining our show for two seasons, I am grateful to Telepictures for giving me the opportunity, and I am indebted to the audience, who have responded so positively. I look forward to doing more great shows this season, and I’m sorry we won’t be continuing, but I have truly enjoyed it.”

If the success of TV shows weren’t measured by ratings, but were instead measured by how many hos fap to it, then Anderson Live would be the number one show in the country! Okay, the number one show in California! Okay, the number one show in Los Angeles! Okay, the number one show in my apartment! But in all seriousness, maybe this shit is for the best. I know Anderson is a serious journalist and wanted to bring us serious news like updates on Tan Mom, but when I watched him go spray tanning with that piece of wookie trash Snooki, it hurt me. I don’t want to see my Silver Fox like that.