Category: Afternoon Crumbs

Afternoon Crumbs

August 18, 2020 / Posted by:

Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt (seen above looking like they just hot-boxed something extra before this event) will reunite again for a live virtual reading of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which will benefit Sean Penn’s charity. Julia Roberts, Morgan Freeman, Shia LaBeouf, Henry Golding, and Matthew McConaughey are all part of the reading too. We don’t know who’s playing who yet, but I’m sure Jen and Brad will have scenes together, and I’m sure Brad will break character, look deep into Aniston’s eyes through Zoom, say he made a mistake, and propose to her again. Because even 2020 can’t stop the never-ending Jen/Brad/Angie love triangle of doom  – Lainey Gossip 

From The Department Of The Ultra Rich Get Ultra Richer: Aviation Gin, the booze company that Ryan Reynolds is the face of and invested in, sold for $610 million. Ryan’s wife Blake Lively is probably happy about this news, because I doubt she even touched gin, saying, “You can’t put gin a mint julep! I do declare, Ryan!” – Celebitchy

Oh great, the Girls Scouts have put out a new cookie that I will definitely eat an entire box of while weeping over the state of my life. That’s a good thing because I was getting pretty bored of eating an entire box of Samoas while weeping over the state of my life. It’s nice to switch things up – SOW

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 17, 2020 / Posted by:

And in “I didn’t know this was perfect until it happened” news, Elizabeth Debicki will play 90s era Princess Diana in the final seasons of The Crown. Elizabeth Debicki is 6’3″ and Princess Diana was 5’10”, so unless they cast a fellow tall as Prince Charles, who is also 5’10”, casting directors better ask potential Chucks to strut their shit in five-inch heels during their audition. And this is good news for Princess Diana too because now she can temporarily stop rolling in her grave over the news that Kristen Stewart of all fucking people is playing her in a biopic – Celebitchy

Ana de Armas gifted Ben Affleck with a custom-made BMW motorcycle for his 48th birthday, and of course, they took it for a little spin on the pap highway. And while driving it, Ben didn’t stand up on the bike, then get down on one knee before presenting Ana with an engagement ring as the bike zipped by the paps. I know, they’re slipping! – Lainey Gossip 

Chrissy Teigen unknowingly starred in a reboot of I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant when she had her silicone titty bags removed while not knowing that she had a womb full of fetus – SOW

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 14, 2020 / Posted by:

Sarah Haines (the blond on the left, although you may have trouble seeing her from being blinded by Dolly Parton’s stunning glamour) was on The View from 2016 to 2018, but I guess she missed that non-stop ringing in her ears from all the yelling. Because when The View comes back next month, she’ll once again be a permanent co-host along with Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Sunny Hostin, and Meghan “My Father John” McCain. Hopefully, Sarah is investing in some steel thigh covers so that she doesn’t stab herself with her nails while digging her hands into herself to keep from rolling her eyes at every other thing that comes out of Meghan McCain’s mouth – Variety

Shawn Mendes is working the same hairstyle my little friend Samantha worked in the third grade in the 80s. So what I’m saying is that it is almost the look. And I say “almost” because he’s obviously missing some butterfly clips – Lainey Gossip 

28-year-old Cara Delevingne and 18-year-old Kaia Gerber got matching “solemate” tattoos on their feet, and that means they’re either a thing or they’ve got the friendship of grade school girls from the 90s. “Ewww, we’d never do something cheesy like that!” said grade school friends from the 90s before buying matching BFF heart pendants – Celebitchy

Oh it’s just Olivia Munn looking like she’s wearing no bottoms while standing around in someone’s front yard – Popoholic

Even Annabelle the evil doll wants out of this bitch – Pajiba

In case you needed a reminder that getting near bison is the opposite of a good decision – Towleroad

FYI, Kelly Ripa would always be naked if she had a body like her daughter’s – Just Jared

Pic: ABC

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 11, 2020 / Posted by:

Because Hollywood is deeply stuck in nostalgia hell, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is getting a dramatic reboot based on a viral video by Morgan Cooper. So basically, they’re sucking most of the comedy, 90s glamour, and fun out of original and Riverdale-izing it. I’m all for it as long as Janet Hubert, The Original Aunt Viv, plays Aunt Viv in the dramatic reboot and breaks character at least once an episode to gather the cast around and go in on that career-destroyer Will Smith and that “media hoeAlfonso Ribiero  – Pajiba

And right now, the producers of Saturday Night Live are probably begging Maya Rudolph to come back to play Vice President candidate Kamala Harris, as Donald Trump works on his response statement, which will be, “Do you really want your VP to be a 5?! A 6 at most when I squint?!” – NBC News

The air quality in Britain must be bad right now from Prince Andrew repeatedly farting out clouds of stank jealousy while looking at King Juan Carlos luxuriating in exile in Abu Dhabi – Celebitchy

Kathy Griffin would like everyone to know that it wasn’t her firing shots at the White House – Towleroad

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 10, 2020 / Posted by:

Madonna and Oscar-winner Diablo Cody are working on something together and it could be for a Madge biopic. But since Diablo Cody did the book for the Jagged Little Pill musical, I’m guessing it’s for a Broadway musical. And I really can’t wait for the big 5 o’clock number where Madonna does a kick line with a chorus of satanic nut loads while singing about her love for that demon jizz ladyEntertainment Weekly

That evil piece of trash coronavirus is messing with Antonio Banderas and messing with him on his birthday, nonethefuckingless – Celebitchy

Kelly Osbourne lost weight but gained ten tons of stunning in the brows area – OMG Blog

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Afternoon Crumbs

August 7, 2020 / Posted by:

The eyeballs of Kylie Minogue fans are covered with a layer of stardust today because she bestowed the gorgeous video for Say Something upon them. If disco She-Ra got stuck in a Mac screensaver, this is what it would look like. This video is also what you would see if you looked at the “gay gene” under a bedazzled microscope. In other words, stunning! – OMG Blog

Keke Palmer is hosting the MTV VMAs this year, and that’s a great choice, and partly because I looked at the unrecognizable names of some of the nominees and said, “Sorry to this man…” – Lainey Gossip

Sean Penn and his now third wife Leila George were on-and-off earlier this year, but he won her back and their everlasting love truly strengthened during the coronavirus lockdown which led to them getting hitched. Oh, coronavirus ruins everything including the rest of Leila George’s 20s – Celebitchy

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