Jared Leto is really trying to test our asses! Jared is trying to drive us to the point where we pull our panties back up, throw up our lube-covered hands and scream, “I would NOT hit it!”

Jared posted his latest test on his Twitter page.

Nice try, Jared. Your latest act of fuggery still won’t make me tell my genitals to stand down! Even though you look like the pretty dyke punk girl in my junior high wood shop class who always smelled like vinegar and fruit punch from dying her hair with Kool-Aid, I still would. Just throw a Carrot Top wig on that bitch, and we’re ready to go.

(Thanks Brent)

In order to protect the women of America from Tiger Woods, Jesse James and Jersey shore dudes, the government is advising all females to use liberal amounts of J’Alone. – Emeriesan

Runners-up:

Panty RAID ! – annobanano

Britney Spears convinced her little sister, Jamie, that “This stuff works just like bug spray. It keeps the babies away.” – Shananon84

Just an ordinary day for a Duggar kid. You can’t leave the house without some anti-mating spray on you, until you get married. – salacious

via FunPic

The Hate Man of Berkley’s Telegraph Avenue

73-year-old Mark Hawthorne was a reporter from The New York Times in the 60s, but he “opted out of normal society” in the mid-80s and now he’s a cross-dressing, trash-eating homeless messiah who hates everyone and everything! A professional hater! Like the pepaw I never had!

The San Francisco Chronicle had a few words with The Hate Man who hangs out on Telegraph in Berkley, CA.

They asked him if he really, really hates everything. The Hate Man answered, “I do. But it’s a new way of hating. It’s about being straight with people. The dictionary defines hate as hostility, but that’s heavy. My idea is to be straight about negative feelings that we all have, which is what hate is, and then you can have a real conversation. Don’t be threatening or angry or snotty – just straight…. I’m into positives, but we should be straight about the negatives to clear them first. My philosophy is to feel the positives more than say them. Act them out.”

The Hate Man doesn’t really ask for coins from passersby, so he gets everything he needs from the trash including clothes and food. The Hate Man even claims he likes eating out of trash cans, “It’s free. It makes your immune system strong. It’s risky and offensive to some people, but I’m cautious. I sniff it and don’t just eat anything.”

Words to live by. Before putting anything in your mouth, you should sniff it to make sure it’s not going to make your stomach turn inside/out later on. That was mostly directed towards anybody who’s about to go down on a Lohan.

via Fark

David Cassidy (60)
Brendon Urie (23)
Brian McFadden (30)
Claire Danes (31)
Jennifer Morrison (31)
Marley Shelton (36)
Claudia Jordan (37)
Shannen Doherty (39)
Art Alexakis (48)
Magda Szubanski (49)
Vince Gill (53)
Andy Garcia (54)
Pat Travers (56)
Flavio Briatore (60)
David Letterman (63)
Ed O’Neill (64)
Tom Clancy (63)

That devious Pedobear somehow snuck onto a billboard announcing Pope Eggs Benedict’s visit to Malta next week! Hmm. I wonder why? Maybe he just dropped in to see how things are going.

The Times of Malta incorrectly identified Pedobear’s wrong ass as a “panda.” Pedobear shouldn’t get to comfortable up there, because they plan to kick him out any day now. But I’m sure he’ll be back…. That bitch ain’t right.

via TDW