Do Not Pass The Bong

Just when I thought that I’ve heard it all, comes this story out of Houston. If you’re eating, you might want to skip this story and head on over to CuteOverload.com instead.

Three Kingwood teens have been arrested and accused of digging up a secluded grave and removing a skull in Humble, a city north of Houston.

Kevin Wade Jones, 17, and Matthew Richard Gonzalez, 17, both of Kingwood, told Houston police that around March 15 they and a 16-year old juvenile dug up a grave, removed the skull from the coffin and converted it into a “bong,” a device used to smoke marijuana, according to court documents.

Houston police believe the teens disturbed the grave of an 11-year-old boy who died in 1921.

All the more reason to be cremated. Don’t blame weed for this shit either. Blame stupidity. That being said, I’ll believe it when I see it. Scratch that, I don’t ever want to see that. EVER.

Visit The Houston Chronicle for all the gory details.

Thanks Jennifer and all the other that sent them to me. You’re all sick nasty fucks!

Brangelina, Eat Your Heart Out

41-year-old Michelle Duggar is pregnant with her 18th child. My non-existent vagina hurts. The 21st member of The Duggar family will be born around New Year’s Day. Baby number 18 will join its 7 sisters and 10 brothers. There are two sets of twins.

The family lives in a 7,000 square foot home in Arkansas. They are currently shooting a reality series for Discovery Health.

Michelle’s husband, Jim Bob, said, “Our goal is for each one of our children to be best friends, and everybody working together to serve each other makes that happen.”

The Duggar children’s first names all begin with the letter J. They are: Josh, 20; Jana, 18; John-David, 18; Jill, 16; Jessa, 15; Jinger, 14; Joseph, 13; Josiah, 11; Joy-Anna, 10; Jeremiah, 9; Jedidiah, 9; Jason, 7; James, 6; Justin, 5; Jackson, 3; Johannah, 2; and Jennifer, 9-months.

They are running out of Js! They are going to have to start dipping into the Ps soon.

Well, if the Duggars ever run out of room in their house, a few of the children can move into Michelle’s vagina. You know it’s like a 6-car garage up in there.

Source

This Is What I Call A Hot Wedding Night!

Most new brides spend their wedding night having awkward, drunken sex with their new groom. Not 25-year-old Christa Wielechowski. She spent her wedding night in jail! Christa’s new husband, 32-year-old Dr. David M. Wielechowski, also spent his wedding night locked up.

It all started after the wedding. The Post Gazette reports that the Wielechowskis checked into the Holiday Inn in Ross, PA and began arguing before they even got into their room. The police complaint reads that Dr. David “then used a karate-style kick with his leg to kick Christa, knocking her to the floor.” Wax on! Wax off! Damn. Did Mr. Miyagi teach him those moves?

Two guests heard the commotion outside and decided to help. They tried to calm Dr. David, but he started beating on their asses. Instead of helping her rescuers, Christa joined her husband in beating them down. The fight continued into the elevator and then into the lobby. Okay…who the hell pushed the button for the lobby while they were fighting?

When they got to the lobby, Dr. David grabbed a metal planter and threw it at the two rescuers. After the fight finally ended, the rescuers were left with cuts, a knocked out tooth and a possible broken thumb. Dr. David should fix that tooth on the house! He’s a dentist. Around $1,000 worth of damage was caused to the hotel.

Dr. David and Christa were both charged with simple assault, criminal mischief and disorderly conduct. She was also charged with public drunkenness. They were arrested on Saturday night and both were released yesterday. Christa left jail in her wedding dress. That is so fucking hot.

Seriously, this is a wedding to remember. Christa and Dr. David have the greatest wedding pictures of all time, matching mug shots!

Thanks Amanda

Buy This Calendar!

A group of middle-aged moms put together this scintillating calendar of themselves to raise money for their children’s tiny, rural school. The 7 women took a tongue-in-cheek approach by posing with tinsel around their privates and covering themselves with umbrellas and other shit like that.

The calendar came out in November 2006 and it looked like it was going to be a big hit. However, this didn’t happen. There was a problem with the distributor and the calendar never made the Christmas rush. After that, they couldn’t sell the $8 calendar. Now they owe $16,000 to the printer. Well, shit!

One of the women said, “The sad part for us is figuring out what to do with them because it is not something you can recycle.” The school they wanted to help only has one room, one teacher and 7 kids spanning 4 grades. They wanted to build a rec center, because things are cramped. They said the government has basically forgotten about the school.

Naturally, the next thing to do is a porn tape. It’s cheap, easy and they can upload it onto the internet. Spanish MILFs gone wild! They can even use the fox pelt as a prop.

I need to know where I can buy this avante-garde shit! I’ll buy enough copies to wallpaper my entire bathroom.

These sad broads all have looks on their faces like, “Why did I have kids?”

Don’t Mess With An Angry Drag Queen

27-year-old Jeremy McIntosh was arrested in Commerce Township, MI after he repeatedly crashed his car into a lingerie store that refused to hire him. The lingerie shop, Intimate Ideas, claims damage is estimated at $3,000. The store had it coming!

The cops say Jeremy was wearing make-up, blue capri pants, red flip-flops, a flowery blouse and a flowery bra. Blue capris and red flip-flops?! Eeesh. What Jeremy really needed was a wig. That hair is not cutting it. No wonder they didn’t want to hire him! He looks like Amelia Earhart and that is not the look of the season.

Jeremy told the police he is homeless and wanted to go to jail. And I’m sure the other jail birds just loved his ass. Literally loved his ass. A few times.

Chris Crocker, this is your future.

Source

Thanks Steve

The Tree Man Is Looking For Love

Things are looking up for Dede Koswara after doctors removed nearly 4lbs of bark from his body. For nearly 20 years, Dede’s body has been covered in warts and tree-like growths. When he was 15, he cut his leg and a small wart developed there. The wart soon spread all over his body. He has been dubbed the “The Tree Man of Java.”

Dede spoke to the Telegraph from an Indonesian hospital about how he’s looking forward to finding a job and getting married. He’s not able to hold a pen for the first time in a long time. He said, “What I really want first is to get better and find a job. But then, one day, who knows? I might meet a girl and get married.” Jennifer Aniston, here’s your man! Naw, I would never do that to Dede.

His first wife left him after he was forced to leave his job and couldn’t support her and his two children. Dede even joined a freak show for a short time to feed his kids.

Dede is expected to undergo two more surgeries in hopes of removing even more growths from his face, hands and feet.

Click here to see some pictures of Dede before the surgery. They seriously chopped off tons and tons of bark.

Thanks Marissa